I hate my exes. Mostly because I’m not even sure I can call them my exes. You see, in the world of the eternally single, you rack up a lot of blurry relationships with people. We go on dates, but we’re not dating. We’re dating, but we’re not together. We’re together, but he’s not my boyfriend. We make out every Tuesday, Thursday, and third Friday of the month, but that’s it.

It’s bad enough when it’s occurring, but when the sordid, undefinable tryst ends…you don’t even know how to bitch about them! Man, that “guy who I used to sometimes make out with (and one time I think we went on a date, but it was only kind of a date because we didn’t refer to it as one)… really sucks.” God. It takes up more effort than the half assed relationship ever did.

The worst of it followed me out this week. Earlier in the summer, I had become interested in (obsessed with) a cute, smart, funny dude I had met while I was out. I gave him my number, and we ended up hanging out (making out) a few times. I started to get frustrated when I realized the extent of our hanging out was us making out, so I finally grew a metaphorical pair and told the horny jerk off. And of course with my luck, two days after I stand up for myself by acting like a crazy bitch, I run into him while I’m out with friends. And I thought Chicago was supposed to be a LARGE city…do I need to move to Hong Kong? Read More »

There’s a reason kids on tricycles get their asses kicked; no one likes a third wheel.

Yet time and time again, as coupled people attempt to prove that they have not fallen victim to the anti-social-eat-Chinese-food-while-cuddling-on-the-couch behavior long associated with relationships, you somehow end up third-wheeling it up night after night. While kudos should be given for the attempt to reach out to their relationship challenged friends, couples are either oblivious to or choosing to ignore the fact that watching them make lovey eyes at each other while you pound down more Jack and Diets than the bartender can serve up is not exactly an ideal Saturday night.

And that is only one of the many reasons three is a crowd: Read More »

I’ve been single for a really, really long time. Like, super long. Super duper long. I’ll put it to you plainly: the last time I had a BF, Jordin Sparks was still competing on American Idol.

Yeah.

Not that I mind being single – I have actually gotten quite used to it – I just worry that spending so much time depending on myself and myself only has sorta made me….too single.

I don’t remember what it’s like to be in a relationship anymore; to answer to someone else, to plan around someone else, to make decisions with someone else. I sleep in the middle of my bed – and I hog all the pillows. I spend my evenings with takeout food and TLC reality shows that no guy would ever watch. I sometimes go days without washing my hair and months without getting a wax. I devote any and all time to hanging out with my friends. I take out my own garbage and buy my own drinks.

I change my own flat tires.

I enjoy being a truly independent woman, but I am starting to wonder if all that “I can do it”-ness is preventing me from finding someone. If my contentedness is preventing me from actually getting out there and bringin’ home a boy. Well, a boyfriend. I have gotten quite good at just bringing home a boy. Read More »

I try and live by a “don’t knock it till you try it” attitude. I’ve tried the relationship thing, so now I can knock it.

And I find the single life superior.

I know a lot of people that are perfectly content in relationships, and I commend them for that — but that doesn’t mean I want one. I enjoy the single life — heck, I don’t even mind the dating stage, but there are so many reasons why I don’t want a boyfriend.

First off, there’s the logistics of it. I spend 8 months of the year on one side of the country, and 4 on the other. Seeing as I don’t believe in long distance relationships, this makes it near impossible to have a boyfriend. I know, some people would probably say that it wouldn’t be so bad if I meant the right person, but I don’t want to! I have trouble keeping in touch with my friends long distance, and definitely don’t want to worry about a boy.

Secondly, there’s the whole title thing. I hate the word boyfriend. It feels very possessive to me, and seems to complicate things unnecessarily. I’m generally super independent, but when the titles come out, I become this gross clingy person I don’t like. But these are just specific to me. There are lots of other, more general reasons why I don’t want a boyfriend. And while you can call me selfish, I’m sure lots of other single ladies will agree. Read More »