1. Horror Movie Overload

As a horror movie fanatic, this is my favorite time of the cable television year. On any given day of the week, you’ll find yourself choosing between installments of Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street. Scour the TV Guide, and you’ll probably also find lesser-known thrillers like The People Under the Stairs, or a wide selection of Steven King novel-turned-creepy-classics.

This is also the time of year for new horror flicks to hit the cinemas. I’m tempted to shell out $10 for Saw V, which hits theaters October 24. I also have to admit I’m tempted to check out The Haunting of Molly Hartley, which comes out on Halloween, and not just because of Chace Crawford.

2. The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Special

Can you believe that this year’s Simpsons Halloween Special will be number 19?!? Though we have to wait until November 2 to see ToH XIX, you can bet the other 18 episodes will be running in syndication every weeknight for the next couple of weeks. This year’s episode will supposedly feature spoofs of Transformers and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (another Halloween treat that deserves an honorable mention on this list). The opening credits are also rumored to have strong political ties, but I’d rather not spoil the surprise. If the blood and gore of horror flicks gross you out, you can still appreciate the hilarious parodies that The Simpsons bring us every year.

3. Haunted Houses and Haunted Hayrides

Any small town is bound to have an annual haunted fundraiser of sorts, where local girl scouts, boy scouts, and drama clubs volunteer to act as zombies, witches, and ghouls for your entertainment. Sure, they’re usually cheesy, and are more likely to make you chuckle rather than scream, but it’s the holiday spirit that makes it fun.

If you live near an amusement park, you can also enjoy such festivities as Bush Gardens’ Howl-O-Scream and Six Flags’ Fright Fest, which sends dozens of professional actors out in costume to try to scare the bejesus out of you while you wait in line for an adrenaline-pumping roller coaster.

4. Guys in Full-Out Jack Sparrow Costumes

If you go to a big enough Halloween party, you’re bound to find some dude that shelled out the dough for the full Jack Sparrow digs. I’m talking the hat, the wig, the jacket, the pants, the boots. True, this guy is probably a comic book geek who put too much time, money, and effort into something he can only wear one night. True, he might have just as big of a boner for Johnny Depp as I do. But the fact of the matter is, that Jack Sparrow guy is going to grab my attention, and spark some of my deep-seeded fantasies. And if I get drunk enough, I might wake up in the morning and see the real man behind the mascara.

5. Test Tube Shots

Not only are the campus bars going to be packed with costume-wearing, binge-drinking partiers, but they’re probably going to have some killer drink specials. Some popular gimmicks include shots in test tubes (which a lot of bars serve on the regular, but which are more fun to buy from a shotgirl dressed as a slutty mad scientist), fish bowls with fake body parts floating in them, and pretty much any shot that’s blood-red or slime-green (note that these shots will obviously reappear at Christmas time, but have a totally different effect). Halloween is also a great excuse to do shots of Tarantula tequila, which, in my opinion, trumps Mike and Ike and Snickers any day.

After a week filled with tests, papers, about five gallons of coffee, and way too much spiked apple cider (Quickie Recipe: Apple cider + apple brandy, varying the amount of brandy for the amount of drunk, is f*ckin’ delish), a few of my friends and I decided to be a bunch of kids. We hunted down a corn maze and got utterly lost in it, went to a pumpkin patch, and picked apples.

We didn’t do anything particularly stupid or sophomoric — unless you count getting in a fight with a 10-year-old over the existence of infinity. No, we just had fun. Fall is my favorite season, and I hadn’t properly enjoyed it in years ’til last weekend. The only thing missing was a hay ride…

This week was/is slightly worse, with a ten-page-paper that was due yesterday (that still isn’t done, shhh) and a psychology test tomorrow I haven’t really studied for. But this weekend, after dealing with trying to write a paper for an outrageously vague professor (who I think really only teaches because he a) likes to hear his voice b) likes to make students feel stupid) and studying for a test in a class I sometimes think I’d enjoy more if it weren’t for the tests, we’re doin’ it again. No, not the corn maze and pumpkin bit. But hey. Come on, you guys. You honestly mean to tell me that you wouldn’t go to FrightFest if given the chance?

I’ve also done yoga twice this week. I have yet to work up the balls (probably because they’re still ovaries) to actually go to the yoga class my school offers, since I’m not sure how I feel showing up in an old band t-shirt and a pair of $5 Target sweatpants when everyone else is wearing stuff that I feel like they could go out on a date in. I know you’ve probably heard all of your gym-buddies say it, but yoga really DOES get those happy-endorphins flowing. I found a nifty little 15-minute routine that I’ve been going by, and while I’m not saying that I suddenly have the ability to breeze though War and Peace in about three hours, I do feel…well, lighter. And that’s a hell of a change from last week.

So. Moral of these past two weeks’ story?

Calm the hell down.

Since I’m already iffy about the whole thing, it’s not like I need another reason to be freaked out by these fear contraptions. But this story is freaky enough to possibly keep even the roller-coaster obsessed away for a little while.

Yesterday, a 17-year-old South Carolina boy was decapitated by the “Batman the Ride” coaster at Six Flags Over Georgia. Apparently, he and a friend jumped two fences and sped past multiple “Do Not Enter” signs in an attempt to get on the ride, and when the coaster came speeding by, 17-year-old Asia Leeshawn Ferguson was struck.

The article goes on to say that this is not the first time “Batman the Ride” has offed someone. Six years ago, a Six Flags park worker died when he was struck in the head by a girl in the first car of the coaster.

Now, should you be afraid of imminent death every time you get in line for that newest, upside down corkscrew roller coaster? Probably not. But should all my friends stop laughing at my reluctance to get on one of them? Yes. Safety first, people. Safety first.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bike helmet to put on before going to the grocery store.

Seriously. I will kill it.

First of all, it’s a product that spins your mascara wand. Perhaps you didn’t hear me, it spins your mascara wand. I’m sure I will get comments here that say I’m overreacting, but, for realz–has it really come to this?

How freakin’ lazy can we get? Now we need a device to help us apply mascara?

I’m also disturbed by the little spinning wand avec product on the homepage that lets you enter the page.

Why does this exist? Why would I spend $14.95 plus shipping and handling (!) on something that I secretly fear may pull my lashes out, carnival style, like that girl who lost her scalp at Six Flags?

The creepy little video says something like, “Clumps are caused by applying traditional mascara to naturally disorderly lashes.”

Honey, if my lashes are disorderly, it’s because God made ‘em that way. I don’t need some spinning wand to make it otherwise.

The one positive thing I see about this is that you can use it with any mascara you want. I mean, that’s good. At least it’s not forcing you to buy a totally brand just so you can use it. I heart equal opportunity.

But overall and fundamentally, and let’s forget my macabre fantasy of lash death, this product just seems unnecessary.

And finally (and more importantly), does this thing even work? I don’t know. Anyone tried it?