size 8 : CollegeCandy

September 24, 2008 - 12:00 pm By Kelly - UMass

I was 14. My parents were getting a divorce. My father was also simultaneously dating a new woman. I was fighting with my brother all the time. So what did I do instead of properly dealing with my feelings? I internalized it and took it out on myself.

I was never a heavy person, but at 14, I was 5’8’’ and 160 lbs. Sounds big, I know, but I was a competitive swimmer and full of muscle. I used to eat whatever I wanted; I swam seven days a week so I had a good balance…I wasn’t heavy, but not stick thin, and I was happy with the way I looked. But when I abruptly quit swimming as a rebellion against my father, I realized that my eating of whatever I wanted had to come to a hault. I couldn’t snack on McDonalds Chicken Nuggets if I wasn’t spending two hours a day in a pool.

It started gradually…not sitting with my parents at the dinner table because I was upset, throwing lunches out that my mom made me at school, and making subtle attempts at lessening my food intake. Eventually, I narrowed it down to eating one single Pop-Tart or small sandwich a day…any single item with enough nutrients to get me through.

I also started stationary biking every day as a way to add exercise to my already starved body. I biked around 8 miles a day and did 400 crunches, so any food intake I did have was quickly wasted away by burning these calories. If I needed a boost to keep myself going, I’d pop a few sugar candies. Read More »