Now, dear CC readers, let’s be honest.  I think many of us have encountered a member of that misguided 21%.  Sure, he may be funny and intelligent and wildly attractive.  But when it comes down to seductive gestures and the main event, the dude’s got as much game as Snooki at a country club.

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation somewhere for this significant discrepancy.  And I know the blame doesn’t entirely rest on the other side of the court, ladies.  Right now I’d guarantee men are insisting, “If she would just speak up, I’d know what she likes!”  Well, he’s right.  You need to open your mouth as frequently as you open your legs.  That being said, I think you’ll agree on the more frustrating roadblocks some guys just can’t seem to overcome:

He throws you on the bed with such passionate intensity…
Expectation: Excellent things are coming your way.  Records will be broken, perhaps a few lamps, too.  There’s no way you’re going to be able to walk straight tomorrow.
Reality: Homeboy hops right on and the whole thing is over in six minutes.  Bow chicka wow…eh.  You text your friends to see if they left for happy hour yet because, hey, the night doesn’t have to be a complete wash.

While you’re making out, things get a little handsy…
Expectation: Second base goes highly underrated, and you think you’ve found someone who agrees with you.  Sometimes it’s fun to just make out like teenagers on prom night.
Reality: Okay, you didn’t mean he had to be as clueless as a fifteen-year-old boy.  That poking is kinda annoying.  And…ouch…little aggressive with the boobs there, killer.

So you think you bagged yourself a winner…
Expectation: How can anyone who resembles Javier Bardem be a bad kisser?  Finally, someone who looks like he knows what he’s doing.
Reality: Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Maybe that’s how they do it in España, but stateside we use a little less tongue.  You can’t even move your mouth to try some hands-on teaching.  The whole thing is really awkward so you just stand there and wait for the oral assault to be over.

You’ve thrown your inhibitions to the floor along with your clothes…
Expectation: He wants you to speak up in bed, well guess who’s getting bossy tonight?  You are.
Reality: You want to be on top, he keeps attempting to flip you to the bottom.  You want to start slowly, someone’s already nearing finish line.  No, just like the last dozen times, you don’t want him anywhere near your butt.  But yes, just like the last two-dozen times, he still tries.  FML.

To keep things interesting, you’ve decided to push the envelope.  Just a little…
Expectation: “You’re the coolest girlfriend/friend with benefits/random hookup ever!”
Reality: “You…want to do…what?” (He says sheepishly as he pulls the sheet up to his chin.)

Bonus: The Lingering Touch, aka Ghost Hands
All guys do it and I can’t figure out why.  Please tell me this happens to you, too.  It’s when you’re walking and a guy puts just the absolute tips of his fingers on the small of your back.  (I’m sorry, are you trying to subliminally steer me in a certain direction?)  Or when you’re sitting and he lays his hand ever-so-gently and very lightly on your knee.  (Or are you holding your hand above my knee?  It’s hard to tell.)

Fellas, if you’re going to make physical contact- please do so like you mean it.  Throw your arm around our shoulders, grab us by the waist, put your hands on our legs.  It’s okay to be a tiny bit rough, we won’t break.  Have some confidence.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Craigslist, there is an individual site for most major cities across the US (and around the world, for that matter), e.g. losangeles.craigslist.org, boston.craigslist.org, and so on. Craigslist is basically a bunch of classified ads, and there’s a huge section of both “jobs” and “gigs” just waiting for you to stumble upon. So whether you want to splurge on a shopping spree, get your grandmother a birthday present, or actually buy your books this semester, look on Craigslist. I recommend browsing the categories “ETC” and “Event,” though if you have a particular talent or skill, you may want to look under “Creative,” “Labor,” or “Writing.”

Here are some of my favorite past Craigslist gigs:

1. Mock Juror

Listed under: Event

Paid: $60 for less than 4 hours

Perks: A 15-minute break, free coffee, soft drinks, and snacks, and cash payment.

I had to fill out a couple of surveys to qualify, but this gig was open to all ages, races, genders, and occupations. I had to go to a hotel meeting room and listen to the facts of a real case that hadn’t gone to trial yet. Then, all the participants had to discuss what they thought of the case, such as whether the prosecutors should clarify any of their evidence, or if the defense had any decent, er, defense.

2. Market Research Participant

Listed under: ETC

Paid: $75-$125 for about 2 hours

Perks: Cash payment, free snacks and soft drinks, and opportunities to join a market research database for later studies

I’ve done market research studies for people with no health insurance, bargain shoppers, and soda drinkers. Usually, you sit in a room with some other people (again, from all walks of life), and share your thoughts regarding the subject. “Yes, I would get health insurance if it was cheaper.” “I don’t shop at that discount store because it’s trashy.” Then you get paid. The only study that was different was the soda study, in which I had to press a button when I saw a certain word appear on a screen, and then watch some advertisements for said soda product. But hey, that one paid well, and there’s no harm in pressing a button for a couple of hours.

3. Door Hanger Distributor

Listed under: Event

Paid: $200 for a day’s work

Perks: $25 gas stipend

I can’t really call this one of my “favorites,” but it was the most profitable. Basically, I had to walk around for several hours and hang door hanger advertisements for a local ice cream shop on peoples’ front doors. It sounds easy enough, and I got to burn calories while jamming out with my i-Pod, but at the end of the day, I thought my legs were going to fall off. A few hours into the gig, I was cursing myself for responding to the ad, but a week later, when I was up $225, I forgot about my aching knees and the weird sunburn I got after missing a patch of skin on my back.

4. Freelance Writer

Listed under: Writing

Paid: $10-$50 per piece

Perks: Can become a routine gig, and it’s a job that can be added to your resume

I’ve written for various C-list posters, from a telemarketing script to restaurant reviews. Some jobs pay via Paypal, which is cool, because instead of blowing the money right away, I let it accumulate, and then transfer a couple hundred bucks to my bank account and go on a shopping spree. The most profitable freelance gig I’ve done earned me $50 for a 100-word anecdote. Not too shabby. If you’re into writing, I suggest looking at multiple Craigslist sites, especially the larger hubs in America like New York or LA, because you can usually telecommute and work these gigs from home, at all hours of the night.

I’ve found that an avid Craigslist whore like myself can earn a pretty chunk of change by doing odd jobs. Sure, they aren’t the most glamorous tasks, but you can make your own schedule, and usually average over $10 an hour for your work. Plus, you don’t have to deal with a shitty boss, and once the job is done, you’re done with the company altogether. Be weary of what posts your respond to, however — I don’t recommend responding to “Will Pay a Hot Girl to Escort Me to a Company Party,” and if you find a market research post that requires you to fill out a survey, or follow a link to qualify, it’s probably a scam. The good news is, the more comfortable you get with Craigslist, the quicker you’ll be able to find a job that suits you, and you’ll be able to weed out the whack job posters from the legitimate opportunities.

[What's the best job you ever landed off of Craigslist?]