Dear Dude,

I want a boyfriend. I have been single for the last four years, and although there have been opportunities for love to kindle, things just never seem to work out. I think a part of it is my fault. I am very conscious about my weight (I am full-figured). I think I am a very intelligent, funny and generous person, and I have a great circle of friends. But I don’t know how to show a guy that I have all these qualities because, frankly, most guys seem more interested in the way women look. Dude, how can I make a guy see past my weight to the person that I am inside, when looks play such a huge role in a guy’s opinion of a girl?

Sincerely,
Single and Not Loving It

P.S. I want to add that I am not ugly, just a little overweight.

Dear Single and Not Loving It,

First things first…thank you.  Thank you for bringing this up.  This is such an important issue that isn’t discussed enough!  I have ranted and raved about this for a decade now and I hope that someone will start to listen.  So here we go!

Real men want real women!  That’s the bottom line.  Since when did “so thin I may shatter every bone in my body if I fall and I look like a cancer patient” become sexy?  Has anyone else noticed how closely these women resemble pre-pubescent teenage girls?  I have!  And what does that say about the people who think that’s attractive?

And on top of looking totally ridiculous with your hips and ribs showing through your clothes, being that hungry all the time turns a nice girl into a complete bitch!  I know when I skip a meal I get pretty irritated; I would likely go postal if I tried to survive on 500 to 1000 calories a day. And that may be high for some of these chicks!

Let me give you some examples and/ or inspirations:

Christina Hendricks = SEXY
Diane Kruger = Gross
Beyonce = WOWZZA
Kate Bosworth = Gross
Sara Ramirez = SCHWING
Olsen Twins = Gross
J-Lo = GIGGITY GIGGITY
Zoe Saldana = Gross

Get the picture?

These women could all stand to have a cheesburger and cut a few workouts from the routine.  And if a guy tells you he is truly attracted to women who look like this, then consider keeping any young teenage girls you know far away from him.  Think about this logically for a second.  Women are designed to carry a certain percentage of body fat.  A womans body is designed for reproduction.  A body with very little fat (or one who is skinny fat, ie. no fat or muscle to speak of) goes against Nature’s intentions for that body. Why do you think people who look like that have to resort to multiple daily workouts and eating disorders to look that way?

So to step down from my soapbox and get to my point, try to be more like the four girls above who got very positive feedback.  Stay healthy, but don’t overdo it. And take pride in your curvy body and yourself. What you don’t realize is that right now guys are focusing on your weight because that’s what you’re focusing on. If you stop thinking about your size and think only about how funny and smart and beautiful you are, guys will see all of those things too. There is nothing sexier to a man than a girl with confidence – regardless of her size – so get out there and show guys all your wonderful qualities.

– The Dude (who takes meat on the bones over skin and bones any day of the week!)

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn’t include asking him out; boyfriend is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

It’s not so much the muffin top in and of itself that irks me. It is OSTS, or One-Size-Too-Small Syndrome, afflicting so many girls that just baffles me.

Why do I refer to this…issue… as OSTS instead of the popular, Muffin Top? Well, in my humble opinion, the phrase “muffin top” implies that the offender is what she eats, and likely has a fondness for Oreos and Taco Bell. This simply is not always true. Skin hanging over your waistband does not mean fatness. I’ve seen girls who can’t possibly be any bigger than a size 4 with a muffin top, and it’s not that they’re at all chubby. Instead, it’s that they insist they’re a size two, and the end result in the obvious: OSTS. It’s not pretty.

I’m definitely not a tiny girl by any means, and I completely understand the battle with body image. I get a little unhappy anytime I have to purchase something in a large instead of a medium, but if the medium makes me look like a sausage trying to escape its skin, is it really worth wearing? Is it really going to look like you’re a size medium to anyone but yourself? Of course not! I may groan when I have to reach for a size larger in that cute little dress or jeans, but if it lays just right and fits as intended, so be it.

Stacy London of What Not to Wear has said it time and again—the only person who sees the size of your clothing is you. What matters is the look and if you can pull it off. If you have to go up a size to look like you can breathe (or to actually be able to breathe) bite the bullet and do it. Don’t be a sufferer of OSTS just because you can’t stand to wear a 30″ waistband instead of a 28″ or 29″—I promise you, clothing was not meant to appear as though it’s painted on. And it certainly wasn’t meant to feel that way unless you’re a runway model rocking haute couture for a living.

Am I wrong? Is it just me who thinks it’s ridiculous to squeeze into a smaller size than you actually are?

[Photo courtesy of www.coloribus.com]

That thought probably floats through my head a few hundred times a day. And the truth is I’m not overweight. Not even close really. But I just want to be thinner than I am, like 10 pounds thinner.

Do I need to lose weight for health reasons? No.

Am I totally out of shape? Nope.

So what gives? Why do I insist on being so un-accepting of my body?

Probably because I have this innate desire to be perfect, to strive for that unattainable “perfect,” hot celebrity body, that is the result of a) a super intense trainer and nutrition coach, which I will never be able to afford or b) a combination of drugs (no thanks) + an eating disorder.

Now I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I must admit I’ve treaded quite close to the edge with some serious calorie counting, not to mention borderline obsessive exercising. But most recently, since I’m perusing the web a lot (who isn’t?), I’ve stumbled upon the term “thinspiration.”

I’m sure many of you have heard of this. But since I hadn’t yet, I did some more digging, which led me to a TON of anorexia blogs, pro-anorexia websites, insane dieting tactics to avoid eating at all costs, YouTube videos that flash images of reallllly skinny girls so that they’ll “thinspire” you… the list goes on.

At first I was totally shocked and horrified by how mental the girls who create this sh*t are. But then, I became intrigued.

I visited these sites daily and read what they had to say about the monster that is anorexia or “ana,” which most of the girls nickname “her.” Their struggles with the “ana” voice in their heads is pretty much documented daily along with what they eat, how they feel, etc.

Then there are virtual support groups where girls exchange tips and tricks on how to lie about eating or pretend they have just eaten to avoid harassment from parents and friends.

One dialogue that really stuck with me was about one girl who was freaking about having to go out and drink with her friends. She asked how many calories are in beer and other booze and when someone responded explaining there were about 110 per drink, she wrote, “OMG I don’t think I can handle that many!”

My thought was, “Huh? I doubt beer calories have ever deterred me from drinking like 10.”

Despite my disconnect with them on the level of caring how many calories are in my alcohol beverage of choice, I did relate. I too want to be thin and beautiful. But obviously there are different levels to this desire, some that drive you to do totally crazy and unhealthy things to yourself.

Lucky for me I’m not there, but I still have a voice in my head telling me I need to weigh less, I shouldn’t have eaten those cookies, I look fat today… I want to be skinnier.

How the hell do you make that stop?

Check out this video that serves as “Thinspiration” for girls who are suffering from Anorexia. Unfortunately, there are many variations of this kind of video, all of which support looking unhealthy: