I think their costumes are the same size...

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. I could never understand what wasn’t to like. All the store windows are covered in cotton cobwebs and fake skeletons, people hand you free candy everywhere you go and you can dress up as absolutely anything and walk around in public without being judged. Did I mention the free candy?

It doesn’t matter whether you’re seven or 21, this holiday rocks. What changes, though, is the reasoning behind your excitement. Clearly, we spend the holiday a little differently now then we did back then.

Then: It gave us an excuse to have a party during math class.
Now: It gives us (a valid) excuse to party for a week straight.

Then: We grabbed the biggest bag we could to load up on candy.
Now: We grab biggest burrito we can to load up on carbs to coat our stomachs for the festivities.

Then: We dressed up as our favorite Disney princess.
Now: We dress up as our favorite Disney princess… minus 7 inches of fabric.

Then: “I’ll give you two Kit Kat’s and a nerd rope for that giant Hershey bar!”
Now: “Why don’t we go back to my place, Sexy Police Officer?” Read More »

Yeah, I dressed up as a slutty sorority girl for Halloween one year. Yeah, I wore a mini skirt, knee pads and taped condoms to my t-shirt. Yeah, I looked like a total whore. But I was 20…. and my costume was nothing compared to my BFF’s sexy flapper look (we did a group thing: Sluts of the Century…)

And now I feel even better about my choices that night having seen Miley’s little sis prancing around town in this little get-up. This girl is nine. NINE. And she’s wearing knee-high boots and some skankalicious little number up top. Upon first glance I thought I even saw some pubic hair popping out of that “dress,” but then I realized I was wrong. Because that’s not possible. Because she’s in 3rd grade.

Like most people flipping a shiz over this less-than-Disney look, I’m appalled that anyone besides Dina Lohan would let their nine-year-old daughter leave the house in something like this. But I’m also really grateful that they did. I mean, how can I feel bad about my own Halloween choices when a mini-skank like this is out there?

Seriously, I’m gonna look like (slutty) Mother Theresa compared to this chick on Friday.

So thanks, Billy Ray! And thank you, Noah. You sure know how to make a college girl feel pure. I just can’t wait to see what you pull out next year… after you’ve gotten those implants for your big double digit birthday!

When I was 13 years old, I dressed up as a homemade Christmas tree for Halloween. I was covered from head to toe in ornaments and Christmas lights. The battery pack was held securely in my underwear, which made for awkward and slightly dangerous times in the bathroom. Regardless, I was a-glow in the Christmas/Halloween spirit and I looked stunning.

Recalling my Halloweens past, my costumes of choice were a far cry from what teens these days are wearing. And what is it they are slipping into on Halloween? Not bunny costumes or scary ghouls. No, upon perusing the aisles at my local Halloween store I learned that the middle schoolers are taking a hint from their big sisters/Paris Hilton and getting into the spirit…of looking skanky. Read More »

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