The difference between the girl with a remarkable man and the girl with a remarkable number of STDs manifests itself in a woman’s character. Of course too much cleavage and sexual activity can also play into this realm of whoredom, but these aspects are not nearly as important as how a sexy woman carries herself. To be sexy (and not whore-y), a woman has to be filled with playfulness, sexual entendres/innuendos, and mystery. In short, she must master the art of the tease.

I don’t need to tell you what a whore is. In fact, you have probably already seen the bottom half of her ass sticking out of her way-too-short “dress.” She’s the one slurring her words at the club or messing around in the upper bedroom at the house party. We all know what she is (not) wearing and whom she has slept with. Now the more important question is: how do we avoid being her?

Mastering Playfulness:

A tease doesn’t need to rock a mid-drift and sky-high heels to get attention. (She gets too much of it already.) Instead, she gains and maintains a man’s attention through extreme amounts of playfulness. This can take place in numerous scenarios. Simply by turning her body, making eye contact, and smiling, she has already made the first move. If the man has enough guts, he will approach her. It’s just that simple.

After obtaining a man’s interest, a tease walks the fine line between approachable and unobtainable. Think: “Sure you can flirt me, but that doesn’t mean you’re going home with me.” This can be accomplished through coy behavior and the right amount of provoking. Put him down a little. Make harmless fun of him. Warning: it is important to do this about meaningless topics (like his favorite football team or love for girlie martinis, not his baby beer gut or the way his ears stick out), maintain a smile, and keep an “I’m just kidding,” attitude the entire time. The goal is not to piss the guy off, but to encourage him to play along.

You’re from Italy? Oh, you know what they say about Italians, don’t you?

[These are best played with a little push or nudge to add physical contact.]

Mastering Sexual Entendres & Innuendos:

The English language is filled with suggestive vocabulary. From “large” and “hard” to “wet” and “fast”, words with double meanings are great for throwing into casual conversation. A tease wants to imply “sex” without explicitly saying anything about it. It is vital to leave him wondering: “Did she mean to refer that or am I just imagining it?”

What are you doing tonight? You know I am always up for anything.

Overall, the point is to get the man thinking of sex without knowing you are thinking the same thing. But make sure to keep a balance. If you start coming off as too forward, make sure to mention that you are going to a baseball game with Steve later in the week, “forget” to answer one of his text messages, or leave early in a conversation. Men like competition and it is always important for a tease to leave before she is left.

Will you excuse me for a second? My friend, John, just walked in and I need to go say hello.

[Constantly switching from sexual flirtation and pulling away will keep him wanting more!]

Mastering Mystery:

Never give too much away! The more secrets a woman appears to have, the more interesting she becomes. This can be accomplished by refusing to give complete answers to questions or by returning his questions back to him.

I had a dream about you last night. I can’t tell you about it here. But it was a good dream!

Generally, a tease wants to leave most of the work to his imagination. If she is showing off the girls, she’ll cover up with some blue-jeans. If she is rocking her legs, she’ll cover up with a conservative top. Nothing is ever too-low, too-short, or too-explicit. A tease wants to leave a man needing to see more of her. She is Alluring. Confident. Sexy.

But definitely, absolutely not a whore.

[This post was originally written by Ashley - University of Michigan]

I think that legs are one of the sexiest parts of the body. Showing a little bit of leg is one of the easiest ways to add a pop to an outfit, whether you’re rocking shorts in the summer or a dress for a night out. But there’s a fine line between showing just enough and showing a little too much.

In this video, YouTube user BritPopPrincess shows us her take on how to wear a mini skirt without looking “slutty.” I do think that the line between just enough and too much is different depending on the occasion, but she has some great tips regardless. Check out the outfits she puts together – do you think she made the mini skirt look classy?

Yeah, I’ll admit it. Relative to the other women in my circle of college friends, I’m who people would call “the slutty one” because I’ve been with the most number of men. I don’t mind making out with a random stranger for fun and I’ll stay the night at his place if I’m looking for a change of atmosphere. Yes, I’m a slut. What’s wrong with that?!

I used to attach a negative connotation to the word “slut” when I first came to college. I looked down on girls who were dressing provocatively every night and sleeping with guys they barely knew. I thought they were shallow and empty and searching for fulfillment in boys who suddenly kinda thought they were attractive. I was never friends with them. I criticized them. And I felt really sorry for them from afar.

But as the semesters flew by, I learned a lot about myself. I realized that I like making out. And that I like having sex. I happen to like dresses with deep necklines and short hemlines and I happen to like how I look in said dresses. I think you’ll agree that there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, and there’s nothing wrong with putting all of these things together and liking that combination.

Maybe the fact that I take it a step further is what makes people uncomfortable. If I’m out at a bar and I suddenly have the desire to make out with someone, I’ll do it. If I’m sexually frustrated and want to fulfill that urge later on in the evening, I won’t have any shame when walking back to my room the next morning. Sure, these activities are amazing when in a relationship with someone I’m really in love with, but if I’m not in love with anyone at the moment, does that mean I have to forgo these activities? Do I have to wait months before I get to know some guy and “fall” for him in order to sleep with him? What if he’s absolutely awful in bed? I know that doesn’t matter as much when actually in love with the person, but I’m not looking for love right now. I’m single. And I have needs. I guess some people consider my situation to be “slutty.”

Slutty activity is sometimes a coping mechanism for the insecure — those who look to men for attention and validation that they are, in fact, awesome. And to be honest, that strategy is really sad. It never actually fulfills her and only leaves her incredibly codependent and even more lost than before she decided to hook up with the guy. But I’m going to introduce you to another theory of the slut-minded. I’m not insecure, I’d actually say I’m confident. I’m confident in my identity and my sexuality and my emotional capacity and my ability to engage in sexual activity safely. And every now and then, I just want to enjoy all of it with another person who feels the same way about themselves. I’m not looking to him for validation, and I’m not objectifying him either. To me, confidence is attractive, not only when found in others, but also in myself. I see it like he’s a new friend who is doing me a few favors, that’s all.

I understand why people have problems with my behavior, whether rooted in a specific religion or a conservative upbringing or otherwise. Some people might argue that I’m making all women look bad. By reserving the right to get mine, I’m making you look bad? How is that possible?! I’m making you look GOOD! I’m pushing women forward, into the future! I’m proud of my sexual freedoms and our ability to purchase birth control, I’m fighting everyone’s opinions for the right to good sex. Why should only men enjoy these things? Why do we as women always have to tear each other down all the time?! It’s funny, I don’t hear you criticizing anyone’s life choices when you’re asking your slutty friend for makeout tips and suggestions for the best sex positions. If anything, we sluts are going out and experimenting for all of you. And all of your future partners. And all of our future partners because, let’s face it, our husbands are going to be very happy men!

Okay, okay. All jokes aside, I think it’s time we redefine what it means to be a slut. It really doesn’t need to a bad thing anymore. It’s okay to dress a little provocatively and enjoy your own sexuality without worrying what other people will think or what other people can potentially do to harm you. Being a slut doesn’t have to be about insecurity; it can be about confidence and self-love and self-respect and satisfaction. It can be a way to take control of your life and others’ opinions. Oh, and it can also be a hell of a lot of fun.

It’s finally here: Halloweekend 2011. And though many choose to witty, creative or innovative with their costumes (like building a fully-functioning digital camera costume), most choose to simply…wear less. But Nicole Richie is not okay with that option.

“Girls, can we all pledge that we will not dress slutty for this Halloween?” she posted on her Facebook page earlier this week. “The jig is up!”

Hm, who exactly is the “jig” up for? Maybe Nicole thinks it’s completely unacceptable for 30-year-old mothers to parade around on Halloween in color little-to-nothings for fun. Nicole Richie used to be Paris’ sexy sidekick when out on the town and farming in the middle of nowhere, and maybe motherhood has simply moved her on to another phase of her life. One that involves wearing more fabric than others toward the end of the month of October.

But even more so, are slutty Halloween costumes putting us as women back a few steps as we allow others to openly objectify us without shame? Or, like an annual SlutWalk across campuses nationwide, are we refusing to set ourselves up as a target for sexual violence and actually exercising our right to our bodies, our sexuality and how we are seen by others? Guys get to do it ALL THE TIME and it rarely reflects negatively on their character in the ways that dressing up as a “sexy ____” does. Because hey, it’s Halloween, which means we get to have fun and pretend to be something we’re not. So even if I look like a little skanky or slutty or whatever other supposedly derogatory adjective that seems to be a connection between clothing choices and sexual female behavior, it doesn’t mean I am actually a skank or a slut, just like anyone who dresses up as Lady Gaga or a camera or Toy Story’s Woody character is not actually any of those things. So no matter what my costume is this year, I refuse to feel guilty for playing dress up, even if it doesn’t involve wearing a dress at all.

What do you think? Whose side are you on: Nicole’s or mine?  Should slutty Halloweens seriously be over for all women, even if it’s your first one?

One of the easiest ways to send me into a rage blackout is to start slut shaming anyone.

Our society has incredibly dysfunctional, scary, and repressive ways of approaching sexuality, especially female sexuality. If we dare to step outside those narrowly defined boundaries, society finds it completely acceptable to hurl words like “slut” and “whore” at us. We’re called sluts for endless reasons: our hair is too big, our nails are too red, we wear too much glitter, our skirts are too short, we look like we may enjoy giving blow jobs, we dance too suggestively, our sense is humor is too raunchy, we like casual sex, we talk about sex, we’re not ashamed of our breasts and vaginas…the list could go on for ever. We all know a lot of men who hate women, and will find any excuse to brand women as sluts.

But there are far too many women who openly buy into those standards and hyper-judge other women.

The other day, I read a CC article giving advice on how to be sexy and not whorey. This attitude merely perpetuates the idea that women can’t openly enjoy sex. Indicating you enjoy sex doesn’t mean you want to have sex with everyone, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re reckless and riddled with sexually transmitted diseases. (Sidebar: 80 percent of sexually active adults will contract at least one STD in their lifetime, so maybe we should stop stigmatizing them). And maybe women wear high heels because they make our legs look long and give us an extra boost of fierce confidence, not because we’re walking street corners hoping to lure some sucker into paying $50 for a BJ. And perhaps we wear cropped shirts because our stomachs may never be this flat and toned again, so why not relish it and show it off?

And if we meet a new love interest and we’re interested in dating/sexytimes, why wouldn’t we want to tell him (or her) the deal and get the ball rolling? Personally, I hate subtlety when it comes to courtship. I don’t enjoy wasting my time trying to decipher signals. If I were talking to a guy who was being all coy and cagey and mentioned that he was hanging out with other girls and started negging me, just so I wouldn’t think that he wasn’t that interested in me? I’d strut off in my stilettos to find a guy who is not afraid to tell me he likes me, and I would definitely extend the same courtesy. Life is way too short to play silly mind games, especially if you’re only playing them for fear of being labeled a slut.

In my dream world, loaded terms like “slut” and “whore” would be completely eradicated from our vocabularies. They only exist to stifle brazen female expressions of sexuality (it’s telling that there are no equivalent words in the English language to describe male behavior). Society has been trying to silence and suppress women for ages, and there is no reason for women to continue to perpetuate this cycle. It’s time that we all embrace the fact that some women are loud, unashamed, and don’t give a f*ck. Teases and sluts and prudes and everyone in-between should all be able to co-exist free from the catty remarks of other women. Let’s leave the misogyny to the crappy, clueless, insensitive guys out there.

Hi Dude,

I recently met a great guy through one of my best friends from college. We hit it off right away, and really get along and have a good time together. One night, we all went back to their other friend’s house and slept there after the bars, where Boy and I just made out. No drunken hookup – I thought that was good! In the past, I got suckered into the drunken one-night stands, etc, and realized that no real relationship usually comes from those types of encounters. In the morning, things were great, but he didn’t get my number; however, he did ask my friend multiple questions about me and she told me that he is really shy when it comes to girls. We all went out again last night, and I ended up going back to his house to sleep. Once again, we only made out and slept together. Literally.

I am wondering — I actually kind of like this guy, and I am afraid of falling back into the drunken hookup cycle. Even though we are not having sex, or doing anything for that matter, is it still seen as “slutty” to go home with the guy, even if we are just making out? I figure he kind of likes me, as he doesn’t even really push the issue of having sex and we really enjoy each other’s company – sober and drunk. My question: at what point do guys think of a girl as a drunken “slut?” I hope I didn’t blow it with him already!

Thanks for your help!
Lindsey

Dear Lindsey,
Here’s how a guy knows if a girl is a drunken slut: If she has a history of having sex with guys, within the first 2 times they’ve met, and she’s drunk every time. Then she does it with him.

Simple, isn’t it? Yep. Not a lot of mystery there.  And by the way, I’ve known several drunken sluts who were lovely women…and I’m not saying that because I slept with them. I didn’t. By choice…okay not usually my choice…awkward moment…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand MOVING ON!

I suggest you put your fears to rest. What you’re doing is breaking your pattern. You’ve walked into foreign territory. You’re scared of repeating past mistakes. Completely understandable and to be expected. However, now that you can be reassured that you aren’t repeating those mistakes, you have to work on quieting your insecurity. If you don’t…you’ll blow him it.

Hanging out and making out with guys after parties could be put in the student conduct book for almost every freaking college! It sounds like you’re exploring your sexuality and trying to figure out what way leads to intimacy. Most discover the one night stand route is a dead end. For some, a dead end is exactly the road they want all of their “relationships” to be headed. For others, they make a detour when they see the signs to exit at “DRUNKEN HOOK UP.” As long as you’re acting safely (contraception, making sure a friend knows where you are, have evidence he’s not a psycho or rapist or psycho-rapist) and consensually (NO MEANS NO!), then I’d say your conduct with this guy has been quite becoming from his point of view.

Shy guys dream of finding a gal that goes right for the gonads. They can’t make the first move. That’s what makes them frustrating as H-E-double hockey sticks (for further reading on shy guys check out last week’s column: How Do I Handle A Shy Guy?).  I doubt you’ve sabotaged yourself. After all, he did take you home, twice. Plus he didn’t drop your ass when you didn’t put out. Sounds like he likes you!

If you obsess about what could go wrong, you’ll forget to enjoy what’s going right. You’ll just keep anticipating how to fix problems that haven’t arisen yet. Which will drain all of the potential from what you have know. Just take it one night at a time.

Don’t freak out,
The Dude

[Isn't he wise? Don't you wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

They dominate your Newsfeed and make you want to hurl something at the screen. Maybe they are anti-funny, maybe they are over-sharers, or maybe they don’t really understand the difference between updating a status and responding to someone else’s (that one’s for you, mom!). Whatever it is, they make your (hourly) Facebooking a nightmare.

Which is why we’re putting them in CollegeCandy’s Facebook Wall of Shame.

Each week we’re going to post the worst of the worst Facebook status updates right here. The updates that make us stare at the screen and ask “WTF?” The updates that make us question how we ever became friends with that person in the first place. You know you’ve got a few eligible Updaters on your Newsfeed, so copy those updates into an email and send them on over to FBWallOfShame@CollegeCandy.com.

Because everyone knows someone who belongs here…

Headache Holly H3 ACT LYK3 H3 KAN’T T3LL M3 WAT W3 GO!N 2 DO SO UMMA JUS DO M3..IAM NOT SAY!NG THAT ! DNT KAR3 N DAT ! DNT WANT 2 B W!T HYM BT IAM NOT GO!N 2 S!T AROUND N KRY L!F3 !S 2 GUD 4 DAT..!TS FUNNY HOW U ALWAYS HAV3 2 LET GO OFTH3 PPL YOU R3ALLY LOV3!!!SN: H3 ST!LL ON MY M!ND DO3!!

Political Penny What percentage of those who voted for Obama are actually aware of the moves he makes in office?

Girl Who Updates 800 Times a Day i know im updating my status alot!!! i have a lot going on up there today! a lot of reflection today….i realize that i let my guard down and i realize that only the strong can survive. yeah i might not live the fairy tale ending, but i will still live happily ever after by taking care of me myself and I-

Neglected Nelly knee is full of water…I Thot thats y i got surgery in the frist place?!?!….. and the one person whoshud care… doesnt

Band Geek Billy Loves horn

Attention-Whore Annie has had enough. Can’t take no more.

Slutty Shannon I found out today that I can fit 3 dicks in my mouth!!!

Unforgiving Uma second chances they don’t ever matter, people never change – once a whore, you’re nothing more, i’m sorry, that’ll never change.

Spoiled Sierra Went through $2700+ in two hours, a personal best.

A couple of weeks ago, Miley was voted the worst celeb influence. And while we’ve definitely said some harsh (but true) things about her in the past, I can’t help but have mixed feelings about the tweeny-bopper’s new title. The “influence on young girls” has been tossed around at celebs for decades and I have to wonder if Miley and her various competitions really deserve the rap they’re getting, or if it’s all just hype.

Ok, no argument here; Miley and  does a lot of things that I def wouldn’t want any little sister of mine emulating. Between dating the (much) older guys to the way she dresses, the various and well documented poor decisions with pics and online – the girls just has a knack for acting, well, like a skanky ditz. And if nothing else, Hannah Montana’s literal mountain of merchandise proves that young girls are definitely susceptible to wanting to be like her. Disney has held a reign on her so far (just imagine what she’d do if left to her own devices) but eventually that will end and who knows where that will take her.

But on the other hand, I have to wonder how bad Miley really is, at least in relation to the rest of our culture. Take another former-Disney teen queen for example – Britney. She scandalized with “Baby, One More Time” (I dare you not to get it stuck in your head now!) by wearing a sexy schoolgirl outfit and pigtails. It was an outfit right out of softcore porn and she was immediately labeled as a “bad influence”. Now regardless of how terribly awry Britney’s life went in the subsequent years, the truth is, her in that outfit was the most salacious in the pop world since Maddona rolled around in a wedding dress on the VMAs. And while that schoolgirl outfit might seem tame compared with some of the things Miley has done, take into account that Britney debuted in a world without reality TV, Perez Hilton or, for that matter, the flaming ball of tabloid that was post-”Oops… I Did It Again” Britney. It was easier to get noticed back then, so for tween queens like Miley and her ilk to compete nowadays, it’s not enough just to get up and sing and look sexy – if you want the publicity, you gotta go all the way.

So what do you think? Is Miley really any worse (for the era she lives in) than any of the girls who came before her? Or is it all the same product with slutty new packaging?

I like sex. A lot. And while I consider myself to be fairly sexually experienced, I can count my sexual partners on one hand, and the vast majority of my experiences were with someone I was in a long-term relationship with. I am not a slut.

I’ve been seeing the word “slut” thrown around so much lately and I find it totally misleading. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a slut is “a slovenly or promiscuous woman” — in other words, a dirty woman who has sex with a multitude of different partners.

I’ve noticed that there are a few CollegeCandy commenters who target our writers as sluts because they’re sharing their experiences. To those people, I say – have an open mind. Like everything else in this life, everyone has different sexual needs. Some people feel that sex should be shared between two people after marriage, and a person should only have one partner their entire life. Others feel that having one sexual partner for life is impractical and unfulfilling. I challenge you to believe that both are okay.

I would also like to offer to you that there is a difference between being a slut and being a sex-positive female. We live in a society that is smothered in all things sex, but why do we still view the ladies that partake in such activities as whores? While I’m in no way advocating risky, promiscuous sex, I think it needs to be said that SEX IS A GOOD THING, and talking openly about it works to slowly but surely remove the stigma attached to it.

Sure, there really are some sluts out there. Women who have sex with everything that moves in order to fill a void, and have no respect for themselves. But it’s important to remember that the majority of the ladies at the club, in school, or those that write for CollegeCandy do not fit into that category. They enjoy sex for a variety of different reasons and see sex as a positive thing, even if it’s just a one night stand.

Sex is a positive thing.

What I’m saying here, ladies, is that we need to stop calling ourselves, our friends, and those girls in the mini-skirts sluts. It’s not fair and, more importantly, it’s not right. Once we all embrace our sexuality, we make it no longer okay for others to judge our decisions.

We gotta stick together. You with me?

I like American Apparel for the most part. Although their prices are a little steep for me, the trade offs are comfy basics that don’t fall apart after one wash *coughForever21cough.* You should be warned, though; try navigating their site and you’ll have to push through a bunch of these:

Now I really don’t know how to feel about this “swimsuit.” I honestly can’t believe that people actually buy this stuff (at $36 – really, American Apparel?) but after sorting through 35 mostly positive reviews about it, I’m torn. Not that I would ever wear this, but still – I can’t figure out if I’ve missed something crucial that makes this outfit socially acceptable. Like the very limited nipple coverage, perhaps?

Of course, to help me with my confusion, I’ve turned to my favorite guys for their opinions:

The Boyfriend, Rutgers University – Didn’t Borat wear something like that?

Photographer, The Art Institute of Houston – WTH is this?! They’re like the “mom jeans” version of a bathing suit; not attractive on anyone. I mean, if you like the elongated ass look, then by all means, buy it. But at least make it respectable with a bandeau top or a cropped tee underneath.

Premed, NYU- It’s pretty trashy; I’d never be okay with my girl wearing that, especially not around my family. But then again, isn’t this American Apparel? Aren’t all their ads super porno-ish?

*Touche, NYU*

G., St. John’s University - Can you wear that in public? Her boobs are like, literally popping out. What if they fall out? There are little kids at the beach!

R., Fordham University - She’s pretty hot. But still, I feel kind of violated/dirty looking at this.

Little Brother, 12 - *HA! Yeah, okay. Like I was going to let my little brother see that!*

I have to admit, Photographer’s advice to pair it with a bandeau top is pretty appealing, but not appealing enough to make me want to try it. Think of the tan lines! But that’s just me. What do you think? Will you be rocking this Nylon Tricot Swimsuit this summer? Any guys willing to share their opinions?