I'd rather have a doctor stick his thumb in my butt than have to watch this episode again.

For last night’s delightful mid-season, “let’s just show 15 minutes of party footage and a few gratuitous shots of JWoww’s body” episode, I decided to consult my most brilliant pop-culture dude friend to get some input from the male perspective on the whole matter (think Joel McHale, and that’s basically him). From Deenasaurus to Sam and Ron’s dysfunction, we cover it all.

With a heaping serving of haterade. Read More »

If you’re not already back you’re probably very, very close to heading back to school by now, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean there are only so many movie marathons you can watch, so many hours you can sleep, so many fights you can get into with your younger sibling before you realize it’s time to head back to school. That’s all well and good. It’s not the beginning of the semester I’m opposed to. It’s the beginning of classes.

I’ve had a fun few weeks, full of productive days that involved sleeping until noon, catching up on the new season of The Bachelor, and trying to determine the real reason Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up. So I really don’t have time for pesky things like classes, and homework, papers and projects. There are so many other things I’d rather be doing. In fact, now that I think about it, there’s not much I wouldn’t rather be doing than starting classes…

10. Go a week without internet access. If you knew me at all you’d know this is big. Very big. I don’t think I’ve gone 24 hours without internet access, never mind an entire WEEK. It would be pure, unadulterated torture for me to go a week without updating Twitter, Facebook stalking or checking my favorite blogs (Looking at you, CollegeCandy), but I would do it if I meant I didn’t have to go class. I really, really would.

9. Spend some quality time with my professor during office hours. Yes, I would. I would make awkward conversation with my professors in their creepy offices with their creepy things if I didn’t have to listen to them lecture. I would dodge questions about the lack of progress I’ve been making on my thesis, and suck up so they’ll write me awesome recommendations letters. Just don’t make me go to class.

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Lesson Learned: Bloody hot mess on stage = best career move EVER

Is it just me, or does it seem like almost every celebrity out there had some giant scandal in 2009? I feel like I spent at least 3/4 of the year crouched in front of the TV or refreshing my news on the internet just to keep up. From Michael Jackson’s shocking death, to cheating husbands, to a family sending a silver balloon in the air and forcing their family to lie just to get on TV, the scandals have gone from serious and sad to very WTF worthy.

Seriously, WTF, 2009?

But I guess when it comes down to it, all of this (hot) mess can do some good. I mean, even if Tiger’s marriage doesn’t work out and Carrie Prejean’s sex tapes continue to circulate to the point that her career is really over, at least I learned a few things. And all without having a giant mess on my hands.

So thank you, celebs, for being the anti-role models that I need and teaching me some very important life lessons. Below, the top 10 lessons I learned in 2009:

1. Do Not Send Naked Photos. Just Don’t! You’d think I would know this already, but celebs just keep drilling it into my head. Too bad they still aren’t learning the lesson. Among others, naked pics of Rihanna, Carrie Prejean, Ashley Greene, and Vanessa Hudgens (again) popped up on the Internet this year. And got passed around quicker than the Swine Flu in a college dorm. So the next time that guy you barely know asks for some sexy pictures via text, think about this: there is 90% chance that those images could come back to haunt you. And a 100% chance if you break his heart.

2. Don’t Do Drugs! We’ve heard that message a million times, but it never rang more true than when the world lost Michael Jackson. Of course, we also have a few other people drilling this point home. Like Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse, Steven Tyler…. Read More »

Let's all take a moment of silence for Snookie's skin tone.

As you may or may not know, there’s a lot going down in Washington right now in regards to our health and bodies. Not only is there major debate about Obama’s health care plan, but Capitol Hill has been buzzin’ about Botox. Namely, the idea to put a tax (nicknamed “Bo-tax”) on it and other cosmetic surgeries.

That has since been vetoed (probably after all 4 casts of The Real Housewives/Joan Rivers threatened a sit-in at the White House) in favor of a new idea: adding a 10% tax to indoor tanning.

The main idea behind the new plan is for the government to make it more difficult for you to feed your potentially cancerous addictions (much like cigarettes) by doing what the government does best: taxing.

Needless to say, orange people nationwide are up in (leathery) arms! Read More »