I’m about to admit something that I’m not even a little bit proud of: I’ve been going through my boyfriend’s phone and reading his text messages. And before everyone gets all judgmental on my paranoid ass, I’m sure that more than half of you can admit to doing the same exact thing at least once, if not on a regular basis.

The thing is, I’ve recently realized that completely disregarding my boyfriend’s trust and going through his phone like a crazy woman isn’t helping me feel any better about anything. I used to think it would soothe my panicked nerves, that it would allow me to trust him. But due to my most recent experience with snooping, I’ve discovered that it’s actually probably one of the most terrible ideas I’ve ever had. (Tuffy Luv agrees!)

The first time I did it, it was on my long-term high school boyfriend. I knew he had a lot of girl friends, and I also knew that he was good-looking with a naturally flirty personality. All three combined made my insecure, 15-year-old self scared to death. After a few months, I had to know who he was constantly texting or calling, and I went through his phone. It started with just his most recent calls, but then it turned into reading all of his inbox and all of his sent messages – even the innocent ones he sent to his mom just in case they had some kind of clue to something more sinister. Eventually, I figured out his passwords, and I was regularly checking his email, his Myspace, his AIM, and even his Facebook – basically, I was addicted.

At first, I kept it quiet – but he eventually caught on. The last few years of our relationship consisted of me grabbing his phone from him every time he got a message, and him deleting every single thing sent to him. It was not a healthy situation. When we broke up, I promised myself that I would never disrespect someone’s privacy like that again, unless the situation really and truly called for it.

I kept that promise until last month.

Read More »

You know what you can do with your bleepbleep questions?! You can take your bleepbleep questions and shove them in…my inbox. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

It’s Wednesday and despite the fact that I can’t move any of my extremities without crying (why oh why did I decide to swim laps last night?!), things are looking up. It’s sunny outside, I have a buy-one-get-one coupon for Subway, and The Hills is back on TV.

It’s a happy, happy day.

And now, the icing on this delicious cupcake of a day, it’s time for some Would You Rather…

Would You Rather have uncontrollable, loud gas at your first dinner with your boyfriend’s parents OR find out that your parents snooped and read every text message in your phone? Read More »

Your boyfriend is in the shower and you venture over to his computer to check your Facebook only to find that he is already logged in.  Usually you would just log him out (or so you say) but this time, you can’t help but notice he has been “poked” by an ex-girlfriend.  You freeze.  You consider your options: sign out and go about your business, or sort through all of his inbox messages to see if there is any other incriminating evidence.  His buzzing Blackberry a foot away only fuels your temptation farther.

To snoop or not to snoop?  It is the question we have all been faced with.

Obviously, if asked whether we “spy” on our significant others, we hastily reject the notion because clearly we’re not one of those “psycho girlfriends.”  But admit it, you’re guilty on at least one account.  However, if you had probable cause, and your unlawful search and seizure did lead you to evidence unraveling your case, you may be able to use the self-defense plea. (OMG, I need to stop watching Law and Order marathons…)

We all know there are different levels of snooping. Reading text messages while pretending to play Brickbreaker on his phone is not as punishable as hacking into his Facebook daily.  And neither pale in comparison to installing spyware on his computer that will track his activity for you to later sort through.

So where is the line drawn? Is some level of snooping OK or should it be completely off-limits?  Read More »

"I swear, I wasn't cheating on you."

Need some advice? Ask nicely and I’ll hook you up. Email me at tuffyluv@collegecandy.com and I’ll get back to you on the fly.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Please respond! I’m in a rough spot.

Also, this is a very long story.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years. We love each other very much and he is my best friend, but we have had a lot of trust issues. It all started close to a year into our relationship. I went over to his apartment one evening to hang out and he was watching football so I sat down at his computer to entertain myself with the internet. I wasn’t snooping but something in an open AIM window caught my eye. The last line of the conversation read “Wait don’t you have a girlfriend?” So being curious I read the rest of the convo. To sum the whole thing up, this chick (who he had been trying to set his good friend up with) was flirting with him and he said ” If I were to go there, or you were to come here, we would hook up. Don’t pretend like it wouldn’t happen.” And she pretty much agreed.

So after reading this I confronted him. He said that in the process of trying to hook his friend up with her, the girl developed feelings for my boyfriend and he just didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I told him  that he needed to be honest with her and tell her that he has a girlfriend and nothing was going to happen between them. I made him show me the AIM conversation in which he said this to her.

Understandably, after this incident I became intensely paranoid. So, I stole his Myspace password. Not only his Myspace password but Facebook, Yahoo, and Gmail. I know that that’s really horrible but I didn’t know what else to do because I really didn’t want to break up with him but I didn’t feel I could trust him. Everything had been fine until twice in the past month or two the girl that originally set this whole thing into motion has sent naked pictures to his Gmail. Read More »

Suspicion and jealousy ruin a lot of relationships. And, thanks to the internet, we can ruin relationships as quickly as we can make them. It’s an ugly cycle, but it brings out the truth in some situations, whether or not we want to see it.So, would you ever read a boy’s email?

It’s a crazy b*tch move, sure. You might even argue that if you can’t trust a person enough to not read their email, then you shouldn’t be with them. But is that always true? Read More »

I was watching The Pick-up Artist marathon yesterday. (BTW, congratulations on winning, “Kosmo,” who seems as though he’s actually a struggling actor rather than a struggling smooth talker. Whatever he is, I’m sure he’ll be snagging all the hot women now that he’s rolling with this guy.)

Anyway, my ears perked up when one of the contestants stumbled over to a table of women and basically said, in between the stuttering and awkward silences,

“So I have this friend, and he’s dating this girl, and she found a shoe box under his bed full of pictures of his ex, and now she’s really pissed. What’s up with that?”

Let’s ignore how obnoxious it is when a strange guy interrupts your conversation at a bar to “open a set” as Mystery so maturely defines it. Snooping is not the least bit uncommon. We’ve all done it…right? So, the question is – is it wrong, or is it smart? Read More »