Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m almost 21 and have never had a boyfriend! I went to an all-girls high school and never socialized with guys. My circle of friends consisted of girls and this carried on as I entered university.

It’s not that I’ve never been approached before. I just think I have never met a guy I’ve genuinely been interested in. Of course there have been the occasional crushes, but those never went beyond physical appearances. I think I have high standards and easily pin point flaws in guys that immediately turn me off from the idea of being with them (eg: they lack manners or smoke), but it’s because I’m not interested in anything casual. If I am going to commit to a relationship, I have to be convinced we can make it last. Is it too much to ask for a guy who is kind and makes me laugh? (And who accepts me and my quirks?)

I don’t think I lack confidence and I don’t think I’m hideous looking. I think my problem is I don’t know how to act and talk to guys. I can be myself, but sometimes I can be blunt and lack empathy. My friends find my deadpan humor funny, but I think others don’t get it and it turns them away. To give you a better idea, I believe I may have Asperger’s Syndrome. I haven’t been diagnosed, but when I read about it, I can relate to, 95% of the signs and symptoms! I find whenever I talk to guys and people I don’t know very well, I have a difficult time holding my end of the conversation. I either don’t know how to engage the person or don’t know the appropriateness of the topics I can share.

I guess what I’m trying say in all of this is that I have issues with how to act like a normal and appealing young lady while still trying to be myself. I need some advice, pointers, and conversation topics that will get things rolling. Anything! Your opinion, stories you may have, etc.

Sorry for the long email. I’m sure I could have written this in five sentences, but I felt it was probably important to give you a sense of my history and personality to avoid the vague and typical answers.

Thanks,
Ass Burgers

Dear Ass Burgers,

Well, okay, first of all, let’s not diagnose you on an advice column.

[Lead image via CREATISTA/Shutterstock]

For those of you not in the know, Mayo Clinic sez: “Asperger’s Syndrome is a developmental disorder that affects a person’s ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others.” It’s sort of like really high functioning autism, in Aunt Tuffy’s understanding of it.

That being said, Aunt Tuffy ain’t Doctor Tuffy. And you ain’t Doctor Ass Burgers. Soooooo…

If you really think you have Asperger’s, get thee to a doctor, honey!! Said doc can help you understand your symptoms and give you various therapies to make life so much easier. In the meantime, while you’re still undiagnosed, let’s assume you’re just, like, a little socially awkward. With that being the case, there are so many ways you can help yourself.

Numero uno, of course, is developing those listening skills. This is a talent our society seems to shoop upon, but listening to other people–like, truly, actually LISTENING to other people–makes them *GASP* like you.

So when you meet guys, if you find yourself blabbering on, let them get in on the action. A conversation should generally be 50/50: you talk half the time, they talk half the time. Be engaged in what you’re saying AND in what the other person is saying.

And be more sensitive. If they tell you something that’s important to them, don’t make a joke about it. This, my dear, is just common decency. Yes??

As for your high standards–yes, of course you should have them!!! And, yes, absolutely, you deserve to be with someone who is kind and who makes you laugh–as long as YOU are kind to THEM and YOU make THEM laugh. You get what I’m saying here?! It’s give and take. 50/50.

And sometimes you don’t know if a guy is going to be good until you get to know him better. So a first date here and there is in order. I think your idea that you’re “not interested in anything casual” is just an excuse to opt out of dating. How the floop do you know what someone’s like before you’ve hung out with them?! Seriously. A dinner here and there is not a big deal. That is really not worth whining about how you don’t want to “commit.” You can’t “commit” to salad AND an entree?! Just have coffee, then. It’s really not so much to ask to give the guy a half hour. GEEZ.

Okay, and so, on to topics. Let’s get back to this 50/50 idea, right? Ask him questions about himself. That is 100% guaranteed to get the conversation going. Hopefully you’ll find out something you have in common. If not, hopefully he’ll have something interesting to say about stuff he likes. So, questions you can ask:
-What kind of music do you like?
-Have you seen any good movies?
-I just read about [topic]. Have you heard about that? / What do you think?

Or you can take the route of telling him something about yourself and seeing if there’s any common ground there. For instance:

-You know what I just got into? [thing you got into]
-I’ve been watching [thing] and I thought [stuff]…

And if you’re really brave or really bored:

-What do you think about the government / religion / gender roles?

Good luck, kiddo.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv by emailing us at TuffyLuvCC [at] gmail [dot] com.

Being awkward is an art form honed over many weekends spent singing out-of-key karaoke and talking about people when they’re right behind you. Of course there are a variety of ways you can be awkward, and not all of them are created equal. Surely it’s worse to be the awkward girlfriend than it is to simply be the awkward girl in class, right? Not necessarily. While we’ll likely explore both of those scenarios in the future, today I’m going to teach you how to be the awkward girl at the bar. Because she’s everyone’s favorite. Duh.

It’s not easy being awkward. You need to remind yourself of this simple fact every time you see someone out and about actin’ a fool. It takes an unnatural amount of ignorance, indifference and social ineptitude to truly be the mayor of Awkwardtown Saloon. Fear not, perfectly-average CC fans! Keep reading and perhaps one day you can be as cringe-worthy as the girl in the purple fringe skirt enthusiastically grinding against the guy who simply DNGAF.

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Alex loves rainbow sprinkles, retro bromances, and cultivating an iTunes library superior to yours. Most days, though, she just wishes she was Beyonce. Got something to say or a good conspiracy theory you’re just dying to share with someone? Follow her on twitter @AlexandraRane or on Tumblr.

[Lead image via CREATISTA/Shutterstock]

[One of the greatest aspects of college life is the morning-after recap with friends. You stumble out of bed, grab your liquid of choice, and gather around the living room to replay (and remind yourself of) the events of last night. You laugh, you cringe and you share the highest of highs...and the rock-bottom lowest of lows. We thought we'd bring the fun of the recap to CollegeCandy, so grab that coffee and take part in the deliciously awkward moments your CC friends have to share.]

I was out at a classy lounge the other night (I can legit say this now that I have entered legality), when a nice young gentleman started to make passes at me. Like any normal girl, I was wary of speaking to a stranger with a receding hairline but, thanks to a slightly humorous opener, I kept talking to him long enough to find out that he was an attorney. I practically humped his leg like an excited dog. And not because I’m a gold digger who thinks that an attorney can buy her lots of Gucci and Botox.

It’s because for the last three months I have been cooped up in my room under a hot desk lamp studying non-stop for the LSAT. And in my “drunken haze” (I had one beer, which got me tipsy…what? I’ve been studying!) it seemed that there was nothing more exciting than finding someone who had also studied for the LSAT.

Yup, that’s right – my life had been reduced to excitement over someone having filled out similar bubbles on a similar standardized test.

I gushed about how much I had been studying, and asked him for tips on logic games. I even whipped out my book (yes, I had it with me…) to open it up to a problem I had been having difficulty with. Maybe not so eager to play teacher (unless I was in a naughty schoolgirl uniform), Attorney Man stopped me mid sentence.

“Hey, you don’t socially interact much, do you?” Then he turned and walked away… without buying me that drink he had been so eager to get me before.

And there I was, standing alone at the bar. Just me and my LSAT text book.

I learned my lesson that night fo sho. Not to say that intelligence isn’t sexy, but I think we can all agree that as a rule of thumb that logic games are not a good way to mack on strangers. When it comes to flirting, the first step is to leave the books at home. Or at least tucked away in your trendy oversized hobo bag where no one can see.

Smiling, I ran my hand through his hair reassuringly and tried to figure out how I was going to tell him we were over.

I broke up with Chad* (name changed to protect his pride. And mine.) because he was a Republican who only listened to talk radio and read nothing but Forbes Magazine, not because he was a self-proclaimed “nice guy”. Contrary to popular opinion, I have nothing against “nice guys”. I have nothing against polite, chivalrous, thoughtful dudes.

But you know what I do have a problem with?

Socially awkward behavior.

More often than not, a guy who insists he gets no respect because he’s just “too nice” is totally discounting the fact that he is also weird.

You know the type. I know you do. The over-accommodating, hovering, way-too-eager to please, semi-spineless guys who crack lame jokes every 47 seconds? The problem with these dudes is not the fact that they’re nice— because most of them are—the problem is that they’re overwhelming.

Girls don’t always want a bad boy, but I think most of us require a guy who stands securely on his own feet and knows how to say no every once in a while. There’s a big, heavy difference between “nice” and “weak”.

I think what it comes down to (just like everything else in life) is confidence. To find a nice guy who’s confident in himself at the same time is hitting the jackpot. It’s three spades in a row. An all-you-can-eat shrimp dinner at Red Lobster.

Just kidding. I could never eat that much shrimp. Nor would I want to. Espescially at Red Lobster.

There’s nothing like the sweet smell of confidence combined with the rosy aroma of a dozen roses delivered to your house. It’s not an easy combination to find, but once you do, I advise you to hold onto that man as long as possible. Those troubled bad boys, and socially awkward give-you-everything guys have a very short shelf life.

Just like shrimp. At Red Lobster.

What would you rather have, girls? Confidence, or someone who gave you everything you wanted?