Question:
So I know that the year is nearly over but I thought I’d send this question anyway. I’m a sophomore and I had an awesome freshman year. I met a bunch of people, I had friends on my hall and it seemed like there was always something to do. And now it’s just not the same. My friends are spread all over campus, my classes are harder and it feels like I’m stuck in the middle: I’m too old to go to frat parties but I’m clearly not old enough to go to the bar. This year just isn’t fun. Is this just me? Do you guys know how to fix this?

GPA Girl:
I believe this is commonly known as the “sophomore slump,” girl. And I don’t want to judge, but it sounds as if your sophomore year isn’t turning out to be so great because you are determined to believe that it’s not as good as last year. I think you need to stop comparing and start considering things differently. The trick is to focus on what’s good and, if possible, to manufacture your own fun. 

Throw a party in your dorm or reserve a lounge to gather all your friends together. You could easily do this once a week, even if it’s just meeting for coffee or studying in a group at the library. If you want to see your friends more, there’s no one stopping you. You also said your classes are harder this year. Well, I know this is a pretty typical “GPA Girl” thing to say, but… didn’t you come to college to learn? If your classes are easy for you, you’re probably not learning much. If you can’t seem to understand anything, though, just drop by your profs’ office hours. People want to help you! Finally, remember that not every party on campus is a frat party, and you don’t have to hit up the bar to have a great time–throw your own party, or find an under-21 hang-out spot that you and your friends love. You really do have to take matters into your own hands. If things are tough for you right now, make them easier! No one is going to do it for you.

Busy Bee:
Sometimes, we have to face the fact that not all things can be as great as they once were. I’m not surprised your freshman year was more fun – it should be, given the fact that it was your first year in college. Many people often feel this way their sophomore year. I’m not sure if there’s a real quick fix, except to just tough it out. There’s only a few more months left in the semester, and the best you can do is to just keep at it until summer arrives. Instead of focusing on your social life, why not try excelling in your tough classes or working on some of your personal goals? School is not always fun, but it’s what you make of it. Also, if you barely see your friends anymore, maybe they’re not really your friends (no offense!). Try making some new ones or joining a club – the bond you create from a shared interest usually creates longer lasting friendships. I say, just try to get through this semester the best you can. As for your partying dilemma, I’ll leave it to our Party Girl!

Party Girl:
Whoa, whoa, whoa – did you just say “too old to go to frat parties”??? Honey, if you’re still going to college, you’re never too old to go to frat parties. Frats are there to serve the needs of the university population who are still too young to go to the bar. I think you’ve hit the “sophomore slump.” I had a similar experience during my sophomore year. Then I realized that my friends were closer than I thought and a house party gets you just as drunk as the bar (possibly even more drunk…it’s so cheap!). Your campus can’t be so large that a simple 20 minute walk wouldn’t get you to a friend’s place. You have so many options! When you finally turn 21, you’ll look at your bank account and start fondly remembering the days of house parties when a cup was $5 and you were encouraged to do keg stands. Seriously – cherish this time. House parties, frat parties, sneaking flasks into the movie theater – all of these are cheap, accessible options to drink underage with your buddies. Grab a friend and take your pick!

While trying to figure out a topic for this week, I thought about all of the questions people ask me, the relationship girl:

Did you come to college looking for a boyfriend?
Do you not like dating or hooking up?
How did you know he was the one?

Personally, my relationship isn’t very clear cut. We still don’t really know when our anniversary is. It all started out with the girl living across the hall from me freshman year asked if she could set me up with one of her friends from high school. He came over and we watched a movie with a bunch of our friends.

The night ended with me and him making out on our mutual friend’s bed.

We hung out a few times that week but he ended it by informing me that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I didn’t see or hear from him for 3 months after that! But once I did see him again, we became friends with benefits (for lack of a better term). Neither of us wanted anything serious, and I was perfectly fine with it. I liked kinda/sorta having a guy, but I also liked the idea of not being tied down in college.

But then something happened that neither of us really expected. We went to our respective homes for the summer after freshman year and we talked every. single. day. I even drove 6 hours to spend a weekend with him. We really missed each other! We both kinda realized at the same time that not seeing each other was harder than expected. Once sophomore year rolled around, we were both skittish about broaching the subject, but he (finally!) asked me to be his girlfriend.

Flash forward to now, and we’re living together in our junior year of college. In all honesty, the dating and getting to know one another part of our relationship technically happened before our relationship. Once we became official, we dove in head first! Some might say it’s fast, but I like being young and in love.

With everybody and every relationship, that point where you realize you truly love someone is different. For me, it was noticing that my day just wasn’t complete without seeing or hearing from Matt. For others, it may be when you first say “I love you” or when he sees you without makeup and calls you beautiful. Sometimes you see it coming from a mile away, other times it hits you when you least expect it.

It can be scary because you’re taking yourself off the market; I hated the idea of not being able to flirt with guys at parties anymore! But at the same time it’s comforting because you know you have someone who loves you very much. And when you have that, you realize it’s better than any party makeout session any day.

Boy was I wrong.

I’ve been back for about 5 weeks, and I feel like my head is about to explode! My classes seem like they’re a million times harder than last year. Last year, 15 hours left me bored with way too much free time. This year 17 hours feels like it’s going to kill me!

Now don’t get me wrong, I most likely brought this on myself. I’m in the middle of trying to switch majors (my application is almost due, yet another thing on my to-do list) and I’m trying to make sure that my freshman year in the school of fine arts wasn’t a total waste. But I can’t be the only one, can I?

Maybe it’s just my school, but it seems like they go too easy on freshman, and then go way too hard on everyone else. It leaves too much of a gap that no one can make up in one summer.

I try to do everything right. I’ve been actually going to class this year, I’m in bed before midnight every night, and I do homework as soon as I get back from class. I’m writing this article in the seldom free time I have. Yet still it feels like I’m behind everyone else.

So tell me, am I going crazy, or is this how other sophomores feel?

I don’t regret that “B” I got in English my sophomore year because I opted to go to a date party instead of the library. I don’t regret hooking up with a good friend, even if it turned out horribly ugly in the end. I don’t even regret catching a terrible cold that lasted 3 weeks after wrestling in Jell-O in the middle of October…in Michigan.

But if there is one thing I do regret from my years of undergrad it is that I never went abroad.

When my friends first started discussing going abroad for Junior year I was wary. Living in another country sounded interesting, but I was worried about being half way around the world for such a long time. I would miss my family. I would miss my friends. I would definitely miss late night pizza in Ann Arbor.

My friends moved forward, signed up to study in Australia and I opted out in favor of more time in good ole’ Michigan.

And I didn’t regret my decision…then. I had a great time! While it seemed like everyone I knew was going to be abroad, I ended up having tons of friends stick around Michigan with me. We all got a ton closer, I got more active in things around campus, I had an awesome spring break and it was a really fun semester (turning 21 helped, obviously). So what if my friends were off in Australia learning how to surf, camping in the rainforest or travelling through East Asia on their way home? Ann Arbor was just as great.

Then I graduated, got a job and realized that I only get 2 weeks of vacation time a year. Not nearly enough time for me to settle into another country, experience other cultures or see the world.

And the regret sunk in.

My mother makes fun of me whenever I bring this up. “Oh, poor baby,” she tells me. “You have such a hard life!” But she just doesn’t get it. I missed out on a truly once in a lifetime experience. I will never again be able to pick up and just go. I will never again have the time (and total lack of responsibility) to do serious travelling. So, instead of whining like I usually do, I decided to keep others like me from making the same mistake.

Go abroad! Travel! See the world!

If you have the opportunity to go abroad do it. Don’t let the little things keep you from such an incredible experience. Never again will you have an unlimited amount of time to escape from life and do something so rich and fulfilling. Going abroad is so much more than just meeting new people and seeing new things; it can really change you. Don’t miss out on that chance because of a boyfriend, a fear of the unknown, or any other dumb reason you keep coming up with. There is no good reason not to go abroad. None.

Unless, of course, you like the idea of spending your post college years sitting on your couch, watching the Travel Channel and crying about never having seen those things first hand.