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A closer look into the mind of a sorority girl

Holiday break? Officially over. Reality set it hard and fast for me last week when I had to return early to West Lafayette aka no-mans-land when classes aren’t in session for a leadership conference. Again, and admittingly with the most dramatic frame of mind as possible, I thought my life was over. But, I came out of this particular leadership opportunity feeling very motivated- yeah, yeah corny… give me a break. I learned techniques from other chapter presidents and also reflected on the techniques I most often use as a leader, too!

1. Accountability: Call ‘em out. Did a sister mess up? Let her know. I’m not saying bite her head off, but we are all adults here. And, let’s face it, sometimes as ridiculous as it may seem the women in our chapters are oblivious to their mistakes and the potential repercussions those mistakes have on the entire chapter.  Suck it up and deal with the seemingly awkward confrontation – it’s worth it.

2. Every leader has two ears and one mouth: So listen, then speak (and always in that order). Acquiring input from your members is an easy way to assess the chapter’s morale. BUT as a president or any leader you have to draw the line somewhere. You will receive continuous feedback and criticism (which can be good) but after making a decision, stick to your guns…

… which has taught me…

3. Consistency is key: Unlike a hot fashion trend, rules cannot come and go, nor can they change with the season. When leaders and exec boards are consistent, women in the chapter learn the norms and, with time, get used to it. Is it always easy? No. Does this take time? Of course.

4. Delegate: You aren’t superwoman, and attempting to do every minute task puts yourself under way more stress and pressure than you can afford – especially when it’s The Bachelor season and you need to dedicate some time to putting together your bracket. Use your executive and other leadership teams to their full potential – chances are they really do want to help.

5. Don’t sweat the small stuff: You will never (and believe me, I’ve tried) be able to control every move your chapter members make or prevent them from taking less than perfect actions that could get your chapter in trouble. Educating your members on why what they are doing could be detrimental to the chapter is my only advice. It can be eye opening.

One of the most influential leaders at my university told me this weekend that being a fraternity or sorority president is by far one the most trying leadership positions to hold as a college student – and if you hold that position or have held it previously then you are nodding your head right now. The sleepless nights, the networking opportunities, the anxiety, the drama, the fun, and the gut-wrenching decisions are all a package deal.

What are your secret leadership techniques? What is the greatest challenge you face as a sorority leader?

[Got a question for our sorority girl? Email her at submissions [at] collegecandy [dot] com. In the meantime, get the DL on Greek Life from the women who are living it right here.]

If there’s one thing a sorority woman knows (besides the names of all her founding sisters/the words to every rush song/the rules to scoring the best room in the house) it’s a theme party. I don’t know if it’s in the official rules of Greek Life but sororities/fraternities and theme parties go together like cheating spouses and Hollywood. Only there’s way less drama. And magazine covers. And Barbara Walters interviews.

That being said, this week we asked our panel of sorority women to weigh in on the infamous theme party and share the best and worst they’ve ever been to.

Looking to throw a great party of your own? You might want to avoid a graffiti bash.

Kit: Alpha Chi Omega, Ohio State University
My favorite theme party so far has been Food Mascots. Everyone thought it was a strange idea at first, but I saw some of the greatest costume ideas that night. Some of the best costumes were the Chic-fil-a Cow, and the Orbit Gum Girl. My least favorite theme has been Guys in Ties, Girls in Pearls. Everyone always looks great, but we don’t get the chance to brainstorm any fun, creative costumes.

Lisa: UCLA
God, I love theme parties! I will use any excuse to dress up. I think the best one I ever went to was “Under $10.” Everyone had to go to the local thrift store and pick up an entire outfit that cost, you guessed it, under $10. It was hilarious. People were wearing the most atrocious stuff and it definitely made for great pictures (and endless hours looking through them on Facebook the next day). If I had to choose a worst, I’d probably have to go with Pimps and Hos. Yeah, real original. Snooooore. Come on, people! GET CREATIVE.

Gabby: Phi Theta Chi, Winona State University
My favorite theme party is Office Hoes & CEO’s, mostly because it gives me an excuse to dress up.  Also, girls at these parties aren’t as slutty as they usually are (except for the people who think Britney’s Hit Me Baby Catholic school girl outfit constitutes as office attire…), and that’s really refreshing.  Classy + Hot.  The worst would have to be graffiti parties.  If you’ve seen one profanity and/or body part chicken-scratched in highlighter, you’ve seen ‘em all, and I’m not a fan of having to go out and buy a brand new white shirt that I’m going to throw away the next day. Pass!

Kellyn: University of Michigan
My favorite themes are always the progressives, especially if they are themed “Around the World” or “Holidays” with matching refreshments and decorations. My least favorite are beach theme.  No one wants to dress in a shorts and flip flops when it’s, like, 30 degrees out.

Rachel: Chi Omega, Indiana University
The best themed party I’ve ever been to was definitely Rumble in the Jungle.  The decorations were so easy to make, and everyone went all out with animal prints and animal costumes and such.  The worst themed
party (I guess you can call it a theme..) I’ve ever gone to is when frats try to recreate bars in their basements.  It always ends up being really awkward, empty, and even kind of creepy.

Megan Watson, Purdue: Chi Omega
The worst party by far is a highlighter party. I don’t know a single person whose most flattering outfit consists of a head to toe white jump suit covered with bright profanity. Correct me if I’m wrong… But the BEST themed party? One word: Jerseys! Purdue Greeks, where you at!?

What do you think? What’s the best/worst theme party you’ve been to?

[Got a question for these women? Send it on over to submissions [at] collegecandy [dot] com. In the meantime, get the DL on Greek Life from the women who are living it right here.]

Not all of them, though. Some annoying campus dwellers will be there. Always. Forever. And never go away.

Who am I talking about? Why, the  Frat House Groupie, of course!

Now, there are many girls who may seem to fall into this category that should not. These are:

1) Members of a sister sorority. It’s super common to see certain fraternities pairing up with certain sororities on campus; their bylaws/campus rules/international standards of fraternizing require that they have to make nice with the girlies and co-host events together.  Whatev.  Point is, if you’re hanging at the house one Friday night because they’re having an awesome 70s themed costume party and you see the typical group of sorority girls, those are the least of your worries.

2) Girlfriends or ex girlfriends of frat boys: These girls are expected to be there. After all, they aren’t just trolling the crowd looking for booty; this is their man’s house. Or their ex man. And they are still friends with all the boys. Read: they know people.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move into the girls you should be wary of. There are generally two types of Frat House Groupies:

1. The Slutty One: She is the first one at the party and the last one to leave. She’ll be dancing on a table wearing the shiny, super tight tube top that she doesn’t have the body for. On top of that, she’ll be wearing jeans or pants that are usually at least one size too small so that she looks like a stumbling, slurring Muffin Top.  She also tends to wear heels that might be better suited for a scantily clad woman dancing around a pole in a dark corner of a strip club.  She makes a habit of staying up half the night playing beer pong, but doesn’t bother to cover those dark circles under her eyes in the afternoon when she finally rolls out of bed. Those are her battle scars and she wants everyone to ask about her night.  Her most annoying attribute is that she thinks she’s hot stuff and that every guy in the house would die to get with her, when in reality she couldn’t get into a photoshoot for STD awareness.

She’s hangs at the house constantly, trying to get laid, or establish her “place” there.  She thrives on the idea of being part of the inner frat circle, when she is really just a (slutty) puppy dog following the brothers around. Or passing out on one of their dirty, beer-soaked couches.

2. The Guys’ Girl: The other groupie is the exact opposite.  Her uniform includes way more conservative dress.  She won’t dress like a slut, but she won’t dress like a lady either.  She likes the t-shirt and jean approach because she feels like “one of the guys.”   She likes baseball hats with winery names on them and watching football with the guys. She thinks she is much more mature than the other girls around the house and has a much better relationship with her “boys.”  She likes to talk about being able to hold her own, whether it’s in arguments with the men or drinking them under the table (never actually seen that one happen).

This is the girl that wants to be uber important to the fraternity and all of its members and thinks herself a brother even though she lacks (among other things) a penis. The guys’ girl tells everyone that she would never date a frat boy, but secretly wants nothing more. The whole “I’m one of the guys” front is just that: a front. At her core, she wants the same thing as every other girl trolling the frat house hallways. She just doesn’t want to be seen that way.

Whichever category she falls into, the Frat House Groupie is a staple at frat parties nationwide. If you find yourself at a Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes party, or just a random Tiki Tuesday, you will run into her. Every. single. time. There is no cure for the Frat House Groupie; just avoid, avoid, avoid.

(Photo courtesy of laurelt83 on flickr)

Now she’s in trouble. And on social probation. And sorry. REALLY sorry! She didn’t know it would be so loud!

Is it bad that this makes us laugh?

Okay, so I guess I let Hollywood feed me that stereotype.

However, once I started freshman year I started meeting some great girls (who were none of those stereotypical adjectives) and who were also in sororities. The contrast baffled me, so I decided to investigate.

Sororities are pretty big on my campus and something like 35% of girls go Greek. That fact and all the nice girls I had met led me to sign myself up for the 2 week long process of rush. My floor friends all signed up too, but I was still pretty iffy about the idea. I told a few home friends and their reaction was…well less than enthusiastic. I got responses like; “Are you serious?” “Why would you do that to yourself?” and “You are not a sorority girl!” Even my mom, who went Greek in college, said that it might not be for me. These people were the people that knew me best, so I thought that they were probably right, and I prepared to pull my name off the list of about 700 girls.

I deliberated for a while and ended up setting everyone else’s input aside (where it should have been in the first place). While my friends meant well, what did any of them know about being Greek? It is simply impossible to judge such a huge population of college girls based on Legally Blonde. So I kept my name on the rush list, for the primary reason that if I backed out before I had given it a fair shot, I knew I would feel regret and always wonder “what if.”

So I rushed, which at my school is literally rushing around. You go from house to house, sometimes in heels, meeting tons of girls. There are four rounds, “Go Greek”, “House Tours”, “Philanthropy”, and “Preference Rounds”. At the end of each round you rank the houses and they, in turn, rank all the “rushees.” Not gonna lie: it was a little nerve-wracking and exhausting. But as I walked around the houses and met the girls it became easy to sense where I belonged and where I didn’t quite feel comfortable.

In the end I picked a house and they picked me and I got to meet so many people that I would not have otherwise. People that are now my best friends and sisters. At such a big school, going Greek provided me with a smaller circle, girls to have fun with and girls to study with, girls to take care of me when I needed help and a place to feel comfortable.

Rush, of course, doesn’t turn out the same for everyone. Some people find houses, others don’t. I have a friend who regretted not rushing freshman year and rushed as a sophomore. In the end she dropped out of rush, but at least she could now say with certainty that it wasn’t for her. Even if you rush and end up not liking it you will meet so many more people. You could meet girls you like and choose to be friends with, but not sisters with, after the process. Or you could meet girls that dislike rush just as much as you end up bonding over disdain for the process. Or you could rush and find a sorority that you want to be a part of. You could find yourself a place where you are comfortable and happy, and what could be better than that?

Either way, I encourage rushing because it’s something you don’t get to re-do later in life. Give it a shot and you’ll be regret-free either way.

In my years of flip-flop perusal, I’ve noticed three big brands that dominate the flip flop contingent. I’ll start with my personal favorite and work my way through the other two recommendations accordingly:

Havaianas, available anywhere from Urban Outfitters to your local surf shop. These are your basic rubber flop, but they mold just so to your foot and are extra comfy. I own at least 4 pair of these, the brown are my favorite as they literally match everything. Sometimes Urban has 2-for or buy-one-get-one deals that inspire a backup pair. They work fantastically for just about everything, from shower shoes to the beach, or to just make a cute little summer dress more casual. They’re genius, and if you have bigger feet (like yours truly), the solid ones are often unisex or available in men’s sizes. No one knows the difference.

J. Crew is a sorority-girl favorite. Approximately 90% of my own sorority sisters rock J. Crew flip flops until there are holes in the soles, which makes for difficult walking. Fear not: to do so you have to walk many, many miles in them. The Crew has grosgrain flops with stripes, some critter ones, madras and other patterns, as well as the original rubber ones. The rubber ones are more reasonable, but the fancy ones with material can cost you. I’ve not personally worn these, but I’ve heard that they’re worth every penny and are extremely comfortable, molding to your feet almost on the first wear. You can order from the catalog or buy in-store, and if they don’t have your size in store, a secret about J.Crew—call their catalog from the store. The employee doesn’t get credit for your sale, but you won’t pay shipping.

Last but certainly not least are Reefs, which are a quite popular spring break purchase. These got a lot of play on the dorm scene my freshman year. I personally prefer a thinner strap, but Reef makes these too, now, and in an array of colors. These also go up to a size 11, and have great traction if you tend to slip and slide. These seem to be quite durable, a good friend of mine has had hers for all five years that I’ve known her and they have yet to look too dirtball to wear in public. These may be a bit pricey, but if you believe in bang for your buck, you won’t need to replace them for awhile.

These are my casual flip-flop suggestions. If I missed something you couldn’t live without, feel free to add your own thoughts below!

I was a sorority girl.

I went to college with the firm belief that I would never ever go Greek. Yet there I was at my first rush event freshman year, awkwardly chatting with 30 or so girls. I didn’t really know why I was there, except that a girl on my crew team was in the group and had invited me to come. She seemed normal, and very much not what I had envisioned a sorority girl to look like.

None of these girls fit the stereotype. That was probably what attracted me the most to this particular group of girls. I thought there must be something to this whole thing if all these very different, very interesting women were a part of it.

A few years out of school now, I look back on my time spent with those girls very fondly, and when I tell people I was in a sorority they are just as shocked as I was when my teammate revealed to me her Greek affiliation.

Before you run out to your first rush function, there are some things to consider.

First of all, there is the inevitable pledge period which will suck. Your life suddenly becomes not yours anymore, and your grades will probably drop due to a complete lack of sleep and late night phone calls. The amount of crap you will have to endure will depend entirely on the group, but there will be some level of suckiness, so prepare for the worst.

Even though I felt like my sorority was full of very different personalities, each school will have it’s own stereotype for each Greek group. At my school there were 5 sororities and they were divided into 5 labels. There were the rich anorexic girls, the preppy good girls, the nerdy yet lovable girls, the nerdy and not so lovable girls, and finally us, the drugged up shady girls. To a certain extent these labels came from somewhere, but just keep in mind that your affiliation will follow you throughout your college career.

It also takes time and money to be a part of a sorority. You have to pay dues, and go to meetings and organize events. My parents thought sororities were an excuse to gather and drink (which I’ll be honest, it kind of was) so they weren’t about to front the money. I ended up working at the security office twice a week to pay my dues. All this stuff can at times feel like more trouble than it’s worth.

Rushing is a painful experience. When I finally decided I wanted in, there were asses to kiss and far too much drinking. Though most schools have policies that formal rush events cannot serve alcohol, the informal ones involve case races and shots. Bonding with other rushies can often include holding your new friend’s hair back as she pukes off of the porch, not that I know from experience.

The Greek life is certainly not for everyone.

For love of God, think about it and be choosy about how you want to spend 4 years of your life. I loved being in a sorority but it certainly limits how you spend your time socially. I had never had friends that were girls and I got to know a lot of great ones. For all the times I regretted going to that first rush function, I think about every killer party we threw and it somehow becomes all worth it.