"Oh, I'm kicking that guy's ass? Poor guy..."

There are some things you should always apologize for, like being late to meet a friend, bumping into someone on the street, or accidentally running over your ex-boyfriend’s foot with your car (whoops).

But there are also some things that, as a woman, you shouldn’t have to say sorry for.  I don’t care what anyone says, but you should not be left feeling guilty for any of the following.

Beating a Guy at Sports: Sunk the winning shot in a battle of the sexes?  Poker faced your way to a win?  We’ve all been told not to beat men at sports so we don’t bruise their precious egos, but this is also not 1950, so don’t hold back and don’t apologize.

Bypassing Lines at Clubs: Don’t let the haters have you giving looks of remorse as the velvet ropes are lifted.  Flaunt it if you’ve got it!

Intelligence: Today’s “role models” may cultivate dumb blonde stereotypes, but a woman who hides her intelligence is not attractive.  Be proud of your smarts and don’t shy away from speaking your mind!

PMS: I’m not saying storm around like a juiced-up Godzilla, but don’t apologize for being a little testy when it’s the time of the month.  It’s not our fault Eve ate that apple, so curl up in the fetal position and bitch away.

Your Twilight Obsession: Don’t be ashamed that you obsess over a man that sparkles.  Who cares if you’re over the age of 16 and in love with Edward?

Let’s face it, you can mind your manners all you want but there’ll always be that jerk that comes along and pushes you off the swing set anyway *cough-Ryan-M-from-first-grade-cough* So here are some quick guidelines of how to deal with the Ryans of this world:

During a confrontation…

1. Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
If someone’s walking straight at you and expect you to get out of their way, remember that it wouldn’t kill you to move over. Yeah, it’s a pain in the butt and yeah, that person is completely rude, but is it worth ruining your day over?

2. Stay calm under pressure.
As Miss Manners, I really can’t condone rudeness; however, I do understand that everyone has bad days and sometimes people honestly don’t know that they’re being rude. So if you catch an attitude at the get-go, they might see it as you being rude first. Never fight fire with fire. No matter what, speak calmly and rationally and perhaps they’ll realize how ridiculous they sound in comparison.
DO NOT: Act patronizing. If your calmness comes off as patronizing/douche-y, that’ll only set them off again. No one likes to feel stupid and you’ll just push their buttons if they feel like you’re looking down on them.
OR: Start a shouting match, especially in public. Then both of you are being rude. Plus it’s hard to be rational when you’re screaming/being screamed at.

3. Address the rudeness.
Say something along the lines of, “Excuse me, but it was really rude of you to steal my swing like that.” If they haven’t realized by now that they’ve been rude, now they know. And if they’ve already realized it and just don’t care, this will hopefully shame them into acting dignified. Stick to the facts and explain to them exactly what’s wrong with the situation.
DO NOT: Apologize unless you mean it. We can all tell when an apology is insincere and, trust me, it doesn’t make anyone feel better [especially if it was sarcastic].

4. If all else fails, leave.
Walk away from the situation. It isn’t the “weak” way out as some drunken frat boys may argue; it’s the adult thing to do. Be the bigger person and let it go. Yes, even if you’re right. You aren’t backing down, you’re walking away, which is much more mature.

PS: Violence is not the answer, kids. Make love, not war.

So, have you gotten into any confrontations lately? Did you do the right thing? How did you handle it? Tell me about it!

Sure, you can play football, baseball, or basketball while under the influence, but you might find yourself missing the ball and falling over. The following are some tried and tested drinking games that will let you unleash your inner child… even though your ID reads 21+.

Jenga

Drinking Jenga, that is. Write some rules on each block, e.g. “Drink two,” “Pass out three,” or “Categories,” (feel free to hi-jack your favorite rules from Kings and its counterparts), and see how long it takes for your balance and your vision to be so blurred you can’t help but topple the tower. What makes this one so much fun? Place a yard cup in the center of the table, and invite everyone to pour their drinks in at their leisure, especially if everyone’s drinking something different. Whoever ends the game has to drink the alcohol soup in the cup.

Girl Talk

Dust off your seventh grade slumber party favorite and try playing it with booze. Instead of zit stickers, take a drink. You’ll be surprised how entertaining the “future cards” can be now that you’re all grown up…and half in the bag. If the GT dares aren’t thrilling enough, have everyone write down a few of their own dares and play. This one is great to play while leisurely sipping fruity cocktails.

Apples to Apples

This is my personal newest obsesh. Best game ever. This one doesn’t need to be a “drinking game,” per say, but if you play it while drinking, you’ll never want to put it down. Everyone gets five red cards with random adjectives on them. In turn, each player then takes a green card, which usually consists of a noun. Every player puts whichever red card they possess that best goes with the green card, and the player who drew the green card chooses the best red card and rewards the winner with the green card. With cards like “Viagra,” “rope burn,” and “Penn and Teller,” the possibilities are endless…and bizarre. To get your BAC up quicker, let the Green Card winners take a shot at the end of each round.

Twister

Do I really need to explain the pros (and/or cons) of drinking Twister?

Scrabble

See how creative (and potentially inappropriate) you can get when your inhibitions are lowered. Of course, just because your language is slurring doesn’t mean you can spell your words with a few extra R’s, and things might get a little bit raucous when people start making up words that make sense only in their drunken minds.

Sorry!

If you thought intoxicated beer pong players got competitive and aggressive, just see what happens when a group of inebriated college students bump little plastic pawns all over a board. Sorry! is one of the most fun games that I remember from childhood, and a few brews will only amplify its awesomeness. When your piece lands on a slide and you get to move ahead a few extra spaces, you may or may not lose control and jump up and down as if you’ve hit the jackpot. But hey, it’s only a game, right?

If you’re still on break, I encourage you to break into your parents’ attic and try to dust off some of your former favorite rainy day games. Make up your own rules to put a grown-up twist on board games, games of chance, or even Dream Phone! It’s a great way to beat the winter break blues, just before you get back to hard partying ways in the dorms. Anybody have any particular favorites?

Last night’s episode of The Hills was monumental. Huge. The early-20s-drama-rific equivalent to the falling of the Berlin Wall.

(Thanks to Holly’s constant pushing and manipulating) Heidi wrote LC a letter.

I know! Heidi can write?!

Well, sorta. The letter went a little something like this:

Dear Lauren,

Heidi Montag

I have so many questions, so let’s get to them. 1) When someone makes a blanket apology, does it count? 2) What exactly is Heidi including in this apology? That she left her BFF to date a total d-bag? That she turned into a plastic bimbo? That she subjected everyone to her horrible “music”? That she spread rumors about LC’s ladyparts to the entire world? 3) How many Heidi’s do you think there are sending LC apology letters that she has to sign her last name? 4) Did Heidi really write this letter, or was this whole thing crafted by Holly to get Spencer out of the picture and let everyone else live happily ever after?

Speaking of Holly – seriously, when did the girl get trendy? Does anyone else remember what she looked like when we met her, like, 3 episodes ago? And now she’s all doin’ her hair all fancy and wearing sparkly dresses…I don’t care if Heidi took her to get a makeover; no one makes a style turnaround that quickly.

But even though I think she secretly stashed a personal stylist in Speidi’s apartment, I am starting to sorta, well, love Holly Montag. The way she stood up to Spencer at the end of the episode after he got all “I’m gonna eff you up for talking about LC.” (Seriouly, I swear that dude is doing something bad to Heidi…she looked so scared of him.) I would like to think she may be the one to get rid of that turd, even though we all know good and well that he’s still around.

Oh yeah. And other things happened last night, too. Audrina went on a date with “the happiest drunk in the world.” He also looked like he showered (point), only had one name (point) and was really sweet to her (even if it was borderline pathetic, point), yet she couldn’t stop talking about Justin Bobby.

Snoozefest.

Thankfully, they will be spicing things up next week with a little skinny dipping action. Otherwise, I can totes do without Audrina and her weird bands and ridiculous body (that I could never have, even if I paid for it).

Sometimes I like to drink. A lot. And on those occasions I may or may not (okay, always) do stupid things. It is not me, you see; it is the alcohol. In fact, it is not until the morning after when I am chugging Gatorade and trying to get my bed to stop spinning that I even realize exactly what went down. And I feel bad – really, I do. So, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for it all.

To The Bartender: I am sorry that I hopped over the bar and drank beer directly from the tap. And attempted to spray my friends with Tonic Water. And knocked over that giant stack of glasses….

To My Best Friend: I am sorry that I bit your hand when you tried to take my falafel away from me. Yes, I know I said we would share. I am also sorry that I stole your shoe…and drank a beer out of it. And that I peed in your garbage can. Oh, wait. That was your sock drawer? My bad.

To My Friends: I am sorry that I called your girlfriend “Gorilla”…to her face (but I am more sorry that you are dating such a mess). Sorry that I brought that random dude back to the apartment and accidentally took him to your room. I will wash your sheets…and rug. Oh, and your teddy bear.

To The Cab Driver: I am sorry that I didn’t open the window far enough when I was attempting to puke and, therefore, got a lot on the inside of the door. I am also sorry that I only had $2 and 36 cents in pennies to pay you. And I appreciate you letting me give you my Bed Bath and Beyond gift card to cover the rest.

To The Random Person at Dominos: I am sorry that I ate half of your cheesy bread before you came to pick it up. It just looked so lonely on the counter.

To The Dude I Work With: I am sorry that I made out with you at Happy Hour and made you think that I was interested and then laughed at you (and told everyone about it) when you asked if you could come home with me. That was really insensitive.

To My Grandma: I am sorry that my friends and I thought it would be funny to drunk dial you at 3 am to tell you that I just hooked up in a bathroom. I just hope you don’t know what that means.

To The Guy That Lives Below Me: I am sorry that I was in the mood to tap dance when I got home from the bar at 5am. I am also sorry for that loud thump at around 7am; my bed was rocking and I rolled right off.

To That Dude I Met: I am sorry that things didn’t work quite that well. It is really hard to aim/stay focused with 6 vodka/Red Bulls in my system. I am also sorry that I stole that pair of boxers; I couldn’t find my skivvies in the morning and needed something under my dress. P.S. Let me know if you find those…

To That Dude I Met’s Girlfriend: He didn’t tell me about you until the next morning. And that underwear you may find somewhere in his room are mine. Sorry ’bout those.

To My Liver: I am so, so, so sorry.

I hope that this covers everyone… past, present and future.

Anyone wanna hit up happy hour tonight? Let me know!

–Laur

[Photo not courtesy of my private collection, but rather metro.co.uk]