We’ve all killed a few hours (*cough*Calculus*cough*) imagining that amazing guy that would somehow walk into our lives – you know, the one with the suave of George Clooney, the charm of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the abs of Ryan Kwanten (hello, Jason Stackhouse!) – and magically turn all those microwave-ramen-days into a romantic comedy dream. Turns out though, most of us actually believe he exists.

OK, maybe not quite as awesome as we dreamed, but still, according to a new, poll two-thirds of us believe that our soul mate is out there and that we’ll find him some day.

On the one hand, I totally get that. Assuming that you didn’t spend your formative years as part of a remote tribe in the depths of the Amazon (and probably even if you did), you were probably raised on movies, TV shows and books filled with epic love stories. And if all of those quirky girls can find THE guy who will love them and make life a fairy tale, why shouldn’t someone nice and normal (mumbles) like me be able to do it too. Sure, we realize it’s not going to play out exactly like the movies, but it’s not really the big kiss-in-the-rain-to-the-tune-of-a-Top-4o-love-song scenes that matter, it’s the love. Moreover, those stories always make it seem like the girl who “settles” – who picks a nice, smart, handsome guy who loves her but isn’t “the one” – is making a huge mistake and ruining her happiness forever. No, we’re not all four years-old, we know that all of those tales aren’t real life, but they do on a subconscious level, form our ideas about what love should be.

But then there’s that pesky little reality problem we all have to live with. See, it turns out that people who believe in the soulmate thing and apply that to their relationships are 150% more likely to get divorced. Ouch! The problem is, in a world with roughly 6.5 billion people, even if we all really do have a soul mate, the odds of finding that person would be crazy small (I’d do the math, but like I said before, I had other abs on my mind during those classes). It also inherently means that most people who get married are probably married to someone who’s not “the one” – and by that virtue, are taking up someone else’s “one” – and that those marriages are somehow less meaningful. The soul mate seems like a romantic idea, but when you put it into perspective, it’s actually just heart-crushingly depressing.

What say ye, ladies? (Why did that go all medieval? I have no idea) Do you believe that someday your prince will come? Or is that rom-com stuff all a little blown out of proportion? Duke it out!

Everyone else seems to….

Britney is freakier than we thought.

Get a better education than your college can offer.

Wow, Paris Hilton’s BF seems to be a real winner.

Does a sexy attitude trump everything else?

Who needs to spend $5,000 on a(n adorable military) coat?!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So my problem is about a guy. He goes to college with my best friend whom I visit kinda often. Last month, I visited and he was around but we were both with our significant others so I didn’t look at him twice. But this weekend I visited my friend and he was around and neither of our significant others were there. He was going through some sh*t and we talked for a bit.

Now this is where it’s weird. He’s exactly what I always envisioned in a boyfriend. It’s hard to describe – but we’re basically kinda the same person while complementing each other. We stepped out for a smoking break and I feel like we really connected. I know this is insane – I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend and we live in different states – but I just can’t get him out of my head. I did the typical Facebook stalking, but I don’t know what more I can even do, if I should even do anything. I told my best friend but he dismissed it as me being silly. But what if soul mates are real and he’s mine? Would I even be his? Should I start visiting my friend more often? Can I leave a comment on his Facebook? I’m torn.

- Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

Giiiiiiiiiiirl. If you’re planning to pursue this, the first thing you better do is break up with that boyfriend of yours. Because, as Tuffy done said before, a cheater is a piece of poop.

But let’s back this shiz up.

You are infatuated with this guy. Dig? You feel like you guys are “basically kinda the same person while complementing each other.” But, honey, you don’t know this guy! You’ve met him twice! This is not love, girl. This is a crush, and, frankly, it’s not based on much.

Maybe, though, maybe this brings up a sort of larger issue. If you’re finding yourself so drawn to this guy that you’re considering emotionally (if not physically) cheating on your boyfriend, methinks perhaps it’s not this particular guy and more that you’re unhappy in your current relationship. You don’t seem to think twice about hurting your current boyfriend in all of this. Even if he’s not the one, he’s the one you’re with now–you should really consider his feelings.

So, Tuffy sez: Dump the boyfriend. It’s the least you can do. You obviously don’t care too much about this guy; why lead him on while you are on the lookout for your soulmate in some guy you shared a cigarette and a couple hours with?

Once you’ve dumped the boyfriend–and ONLY once you’ve dumped him–you are free to pursue something with this other guy. But, frankly, if he’s willing to flake on his girlfriend the way you’re flaking on your boyfriend, I would seriously consider if he’s someone who can be trusted (just as, from his point of view, I would wonder if you can be trusted). And if he wants to just “try things out” BEFORE breaking up with the girlfriend, well, then he’s a douchebag.

To be honest, I can’t see this working out well. But, of course, stranger things have happened, so if you really honestly think he might be your soulmate, then you have to go for it (as long as you break up with the boyfriend first). Still, you better do some real soul-searching before you take the chance of ruining your relationship AND his–are you really so spiritually attracted to him that he might be your soulmate, or are you just looking for something new and transferring all those feelings onto him? Tuffy’s guessing the latter. Until you know for sure, hands off Facebook and out of his pants.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

According to an academic report published in the European Journal of Operational Research, women looking for a long-lasting, loving marriage should settle down with a man five or more years older, who has received less education than they have. Scientists tracked 1,000 couples who were either married or in serious relationships over five years. Their research suggested that if neither partner had been previously divorced and their age and education fell within the guidelines, marital bliss was sure to ensue.

Older and dumber = happily married? So what you’re telling me is, I’ll have better success in my marriage if I settle down with a man in his mid-30s still working on receiving his high school degree rather than the Ivy League graduate or the hottie sitting next to me in Chem?

I don’t know how my parents will feel about this.
Sigh.
I don’t know how I feel about this.

I always envisioned myself with a handsome man, probably younger than me due to my cougar-ish nature, who is a gentleman and a scholar. He would challenge me intellectually and look damn good in a pair of jeans. Now it seems the criteria for my future mate has changed.

He must not be able to read.
Extra points if he’s going bald.

Somehow I’m not sure this will lead to my happily ever after, but I guess I’ll give it a shot. Move over college boys, I’ve got my eyes on that creepy towny making eyes at me at the bar. I think he might be my soul mate.

It’s the subject of half the love songs out there: soul mates and the idea of a happily ever after that awaits those lucky enough to find the so-called Knight in Shining Armor.  Take Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” for example, the poster child for a happy ending:

And I said,
“Romeo save me – I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think-”

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
“Marry me, Juliet – you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress;
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’”

Beautiful, right?  Makes your eyes mist up a bit?  Of course it does, it’s the quintessential love story.  Girl meets guy.  There is drama. Guy leaves. Girl waits for guy.  Guy comes back.  Cue the happily ever after.  Except…wait a second.  He left her, right?  And she waited around for him without any indication he was coming back?  Um, we might need to reconsider this.

Let’s look at some more examples.  Movies like The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, When Harry Met Sally, hell, even He’s Just Not That Into You, and many more all have the same theme of love overcoming huge obstacles.  But are these movies ruining us?  Should we be waiting around for our soul mate to show up and magically make our life into some romantic movie?  Where is our happily ever after??

Well…it’s here right now, if you want it.

You can have your happy ending any time you want and then go out and have another one (and another one and so on).  “Happily ever after” doesn’t have to mean years of pining alone, waiting for your knight to have his adventures and come back for you.  Um, what about your adventures?

I’m not saying throw romance out the window, not even close.  However, romance isn’t only to be found patiently loving your prince from afar, Disney-style.  Sometimes your prince needs to be hunted down.  And guess what?  This sweet world of ours has a lot of princes.  I even met a prince last weekend at a club (he doesn’t speak English fluently, but that’s okay, I don’t discriminate among princes).  The world of our generation is even bigger than Cinderella’s – we have planes, trains, automobiles, and the internet.  Places like plentyoffish.com and nerve.com are pretty much smorgasbords for guys in hypothetical crowns.

Just be warned: in real life, princes are effed-up.  They come from highly selective and traditionally inbred families and are often brought up to develop narcissistic tendencies (um, yikes).  So prince is a relative term and often misunderstood.  Just saying, maybe you should be looking for a nice dude who you can have a good time with rather than some crazy-ass royal.

You have a choice, my friends.  You can sit at home and have your Disney romance (you better have TiVo because you’re gonna have a lot of down time) or you can go out and seize your love life by the balls (literally, if you like).  In my opinion, it’s about time to get a handful of genitalia.

Exactly three months ago, I posted my first post here on CollegeCandy explaining to all of you that a guy I was dating, who told me I was his ‘soul mate’, would not sleep with me. We all came to various conclusions as to why he’d behave like this. I let it go. And now I’m back to fill you in on what has happened since I let it go.

He and I kept in loose contact after deciding to end things. Very loose.

Then, I got a text from him about 3 weeks ago, out of nowhere. He was all torn up inside because he had (drunkenly, of course) deduced that I now hated him. And it made him sad. He sorta fell apart in the series of texts that followed. I imagined him lying on his bathroom floor in the fetal position. Finally, still considering him a friend, I invited him to call me if he wanted to talk. And so he did. He called me and we talked for over an hour about how his life has been crumbling before his own eyes.

He still hadn’t had sex, apparently, with anyone.

One conversation led to another; we kept talking more and more.

That same week he got wasted and ended up sleeping with a girl…and didn’t even remember it. All of that celibacy down the drain – wasted on a blackout, instead of what would have been meaningful sex with me. (Not to mention, mind blowing, thankyouverymuch.)

And then it came out:

He still had the same feelings for me.

And he regretted not sleeping with me, but he just couldn’t, but now….now he could and can and will…if I ever let him get that close to me again.

Whaaaaaaaat?! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Part of me wanted to hang up the phone, drive over to his house and do what I had wanted to do since…well, ever. But another part, a louder and more insistent part, held back.

He really hurt me the first time around. He broke my heart.

Everything was so much easier and more exciting the first time around. It is always that way before the big breakup. It’s like you are overly passionate because you have nothing to lose and you are willing to gamble all or nothing. Now, however, my emotions aren’t on the line with him anymore. And I don’t wanna gamble. I’ve already played that game – and lost.

I’m not necessarily opposed to sex for the sake of sex with him…but should I even bother? Is this a safe road to go down (again)?

[photo from: craveonline.com]

Blind dates can be scary. They can also be fun. The scary / fun part depends on your idea of a good time and your date’s idea of normal.

Most of us go on blind dates pretty confident we’re not about to meet our soul mate, but always hope there’s enough of a connection to make putting on make-up and those tight jeans worth it. Blind dates are our way of doing something fun and spontaneous, something slightly nerve wracking but full of possibilities, a reason to get out of the house or apartment and have a drink made by somebody else.

The only thing is, if you’re not big into internet profiles and don’t have a lot of friends trying to go all Yenta on you, blind dates don’t actually happen that often.

That is, unless you sign up for Crazy Blind Date.

Developed by the funny people behind OKCupid (a free dating site that’s big on humor and small on pretense), CBD is all about helping you “coordinate a date on extremely short notice.”

Connected for New York, Boston, Austin, and San Fancisco, Crazy Blind Date understands that some of us “just want to go out immediately, with reckless abandon”, and helps facilitate that want with instant blind dates through email and cell phones.

Once a person signs into the free service, they pick their city, area, and date type (single and double dates are available), and answer a few short questions detailing personality and possible date times. Without being able to see a picture, a person agrees to the possibility of a date that night with someone who’s been picked for them, and then wait until their email or cell phone tells them where to go!

Personally, I’m not a big fan of online dating, but the possibility of going out on a date instantly, whenever I feel bored, is definitely appealing—especially if I can bring a friend along for support! Since most people wax poetic and try too hard to impress when it comes to dating profiles, jumping into meeting someone with no pretense saves everyone time and undo disappointment.

Just go to CrazyBlindDate.com and check it out. The simplicity and fun of it might just have you moving your mouse and agreeing to a spontaneous shot at love (or at the very least, hilarity) tonight.