If there’s one thing I love more than gorging myself on turkey (and stuffing, and cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie… mmm… wait, what was I talking about again?), it’s loafing on the living room couch before and after Thanksgiving dinner and taking in some fine Thanksgiving television.

Holiday-themed episodes of TV shows usually follow a predictable pattern—the gang is planning some kind of celebration until everything goes horribly awry. But by the end of the show, problems have been solved, fights have ended, and everyone sits down together to enjoy a nice meal and/or some serious present opening, accompanied by a well-known holiday tune.

While most Thanksgiving episodes still adhere to the formula, there’s something about them that makes them even more satisfying than Christmas/Hanukkah/Valentine’s Day specials. Maybe it’s because they tend to be less cheesy than other holiday shows. Maybe it’s because I just like watching people enjoy a hearty meal. Whatever the reason, Thanksgiving episodes deserve some appreciation.

So, without further ado, here’s my list of the best Thanksgiving episodes. They’re all funny, entertaining, and heartwarming without being cloying—yes, even that episode of South Park.

[Click on any image to view the gallery]

Every week, I provide you with a list. No, not a grocery list, to-do list or even a bucket list like our friends over at “The Buried Life.” It’s simply a list of ten things that are relevant, whether it’s to my life (like living with dudes), your life (packing on the poundage), or something that the media just won’t shut up about (COUGH Tiger Woods COUGH).

Yesterday, after going through the multiple heart attacks during the USA/Canada gold medal hockey game (that the USA took into overtime in the last 24 seconds of the game!!), I began to think of all the ways that America is far superior to our upstairs neighbor. You know, since we proved that hockey wasn’t one of them. And I was bitter. And angry. And inhaling a tube of cookie dough to cool down….

Okay Canada, you may have taken the gold in hockey, have national healthcare, legal drinking at 18 and some pretty awesome strip clubs night clubs. Now let me just give you ten golden reason why America is much, much better than our hat.

10. We have Florida, they have Nova Scotia.
Seriously, is there anywhere warm in Canada? Miami is so much better than any place Canada has to offer.

9. We say “about” properly
Aboot? That’s what I do after I drink too much Cuervo.

8. The American dollar is worth more!
By five cents!

7. None of that “Eh” nonsense.

6. Avril Lavigne.
Way to go Canada, thanks for Sk8er Boi. I really appreciate that.

5. The metric system.
32 degrees is FREEZING, not warm.

4. Their flag is stupid
What the eff is that about? A maple leaf? Seriously? I can’t think of anything more uninspired. Plus, everyone knows the best maple syrup comes Vermont or Aunt Jemima, which are both clearly AMERICAN.

3. Their national anthem is stupid
“O Canada”? Are you kidding me? Change that shiz to “Blame Canada,” like now.

2. Jack Bauer.
America has him. Canada does not.

1. Dammit Canada, I really wanted to hate you. After that hockey game, I really did. But then I remembered all my pre-21 year old days of traveling up north and getting legally wasted at 19, all the French, the healthcare, Jim Carrey, Le Chateau, Quebec, Montreal, Pam Anderson, ketchup chips, Terrence and Phillip and pretty much everything that rules. Sigh. The gold is all yours, you Canuck bastards.

You see, I am not your typical girl who is always on the man-hunt. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t want to meet someone, or enjoy flirting at the bar and the like – it’s just that there are things I L.O.V.E about being a single lady. Things that I’m not so keen on giving up. Things I want to enjoy for as long as possible now before I get married to some dude who thinks a fun weeknight involves South Park and Dutch Oven-ing me.

So here is this weeks Love List: Why all my single ladies love being single.

1) My legs keep me a lot warmer in the winter than my taken friends. I live in Chicago and it is COLD. Actually cold doesn’t even describe it – it’s like an arctic tundra (do those words even go together?). And being single makes that not-s0-bad. How? I love that I don’t have to shave my legs in the winter if I don’t want to. Is it a little embarrassing in yoga when my teacher happens to see that my ankle hair could be braided and beaded like I just spent a week in Jamaica? Sure, but at least my legs keep me warmer than those soft Jergened up legs of yours.

2) I can wear grandma undies whenever I want to. Call me what you will but I am not a fan of thongs and Hanky Pankys are just uncomfortable (yes I said it). I am a happier camper in regular undies and thanks to my single status, there is no one to impress with a lacey piece of floss up my butt.

3) After a long day I can come home, sit on my couch, watch my girly TV shows and my chick flicks without someone saying I have no taste in TV. I can shop online and spend ‘that long’ debating over which color I should get those wedges in. I can play around with makeup, throw different products on my face and spend all day watching The Millionaire Matchmaker while reading fashion magazines and not feel guilty about making someone else do it with me. And I don’t have to pretend that I care about No Country for Old Men. Or knowing every line in Anchorman and quoting it like a religious person quotes the bible.  Because I don’t. I really, really don’t.

4) No Bikini Waxes! (Unless I plan on wearing a bathing suit). This really needs no explanation. Which leads me to my next point…

5) I save a whole lot of moolah which can be used for other things than the painfulness that is overpriced Brazilian waxes. $60 can buy me a lot of things (like said shoes mentioned in #3) so for that I LOVE being single. Sure I may be a little hairier, but I’m also a little bit richer.

What do you LOVE about being single?

Elizabeth Hasselbeck had to eat her McCain/Palin words.

Pretty soon, AT&T will own damn near everything, including your soul.

Military uniforms make great women’s fashion for the fall.

Ever thought Barack, Michelle, Sarah, and John would appear on TV together? Well, South Park got them together in a jewelry heist.

Boy bands are all the rage and ‘NSYNC’s Lance Bass wants in on the action.

Having lots of sex? You may need this.

California has disappointed most, especially Ellen.

Want to sing in the rain? This umbrella has you rockin’.

Sexy Scarlett Johansson to wed? Perhaps!

Blahgirls is Kutcher and Co’s website; which so far includes a blog with random celebrity pictures and funny captions, as well as two animated shorts featuring the 3 “Blah Girls”; Britney, Krystle, and Tiffany.  There’s also some guy named Stewart, who’s like, totally gay and totally into celebrity culture, bitch!

Besides being not funny AT ALL, the Blahgirls webisodes are hard to understand.  What the hell is Kutcher and his team trying to lambast?  Old celeb gossip?  Gay men who talk with a lisp? Or stupid women who are so annoying and stupid all they do is care about celebrity gossip?

While I’m sure (at least I’m hope I’m sure) Ashton doesn’t think all women are stupid and annoying, his BlahGirls are in no way funny or timely enough to satirize anything, so all they end up doing is asserting stereotypes.  Why anyone would bookmark this website is beyond me, and it’s also beyond me why anyone would think to build it.  There’s nothing new here, Ashton.  Aren’t you like..26 years old?  How are you so behind the times?

Maybe this lame South Park-esque ripoff will get better.  Maybe someone will have the balls to walk up to Demi Moore’s manchild and whisper in his ear that he’s not as funny as he thinks he is.  Or maybe Blahgirls will just implode under it’s own annoyingness and disappear from the Internet on it’s own.  Whatever the case, you can bet it won’t be showing up on anyone’s radar anytime soon.

Get a clue, Kutcher.  Women are a lot smarter – and have a much better sense of humor – than you think.

My TV watching habits are pretty well documented. You guys know that I watch at least two (pretty bad) reality shows and that I never got into “Sex and the City.” But I do like good shows with real writing, like “Lost”, “South Park” and “The Daily Show.”

Do I have any right to declare that a show is so terrible that even I cannot watch it? I think so. I mean, I’ve seen episodes of “Ice Road Truckers.” Freaking “Ice Road Truckers.” I am aware that I watch crap.

And given that love for crap TV, it might surprise you to learn that I never watched “A Shot at Love” when it was on MTV. For real. It was too fake for me and I never thought that a show would come along that was too sh*tty and fake for me. I mean, this is ME.

Now enter “That’s Amore.”

Domenico, il uomo who was rejected by Tila-not-really-bi-had-a-boyfriend-the-whole-time Tequila, apparently grew such fan base on her show that he got his own.

And this show is the suckiest suck that ever sucked. Vergognoso means disgraceful in Italian.

I am Italian; like my parents are off the boat. I’ve been to Italy and I’ve been exposed to the accents and the men enough to know this: Domenico is probably some kid from Jersey named Dominick whose grandparents are from Brooklyn and who’s trying to see how far he can take this reality shows scam.

It takes a lot to offend me and I mean a whole lot. Like you really have to try in order to get under my skin. When all of those Italian American groups were protesting “The Sopranos” and my un-Italian friends asked me what I thought about it, I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t insulted.

Stereotypes exist for a reason; I’ll be the first to admit it. When I was in high school, if people asked me if my dad was in the mafia, I lied and said yes. It made them wary of me and I liked that. But so what if you think that we’re loud and we talk with our hands and whatever else? I don’t care. I’m loud and I talk with my hands. I’m cool with that.

But THIS show – I cannot effing take it.

I watched the first episode – not on purpose. But my husband, who is so not Italian, heard some Italian music while I was channel surfing and was curious so he asked me to go back to MTV. I obliged.

The girls were riding in a red, white and green stretch escalade. When they pulled up to it, the house was illuminated in three parts using red, white and green light. The foyer was done in marble or some faux-marble finish since we greaseballs looooves us some marble. Oh, you know what else we love? Hanging cured meat. It was featured next to the girls’ heads while they were being interviewed.

I didn’t say anything as I watched the first fifteen minutes of this show; my husband did all of the reacting. He cackled and through the laughter would say things like, “Did you see the car?…Look at the lights on the house…Your parents love marble…I’ve seen the meat hanging in that room in your parents house.” Then he’d laugh some more.

Unblinking, with sort of wide eyes and a mouth that I couldn’t close, I looked at my husband sort of dazed. As the fake ass un-“Tarantella” played in the background he said, “I’m insulted for you” and I changed the channel.

My husband watched another episode where the girls had to pose like sculptures while holding bunches of grapes. I heard that cackle again when I was in the shower; he again was so insulted for me. Liar.

And I would probably find this to be so hilarious and re-capable if I didn’t doubt the kid’s authenticity regarding his Italian status. Because these tramps are fake (are there any girls left in the state of Pennsylvania or are they all on this show?) and the drama is hilariously forced but Domenico, oh my God, can you show me your immigration papers or your passport? Because until then, I declare you a faker.

When I was in Milan over the summer, people didn’t understand how I could be married for over a year and not have children. Because there they seemed to have the kid and then decide to get married. Any sense of traditional values that these girls think are embodied in their “Domenico” – well, go to Italy yourselves and see that it’s not happening over there, girls.

…And his hesitation in touching the breasts that one of the girls presented to him in the kitchen (please don’t ask because I don’t know) – that was fake. I don’t know an Italian man from Italy who wouldn’t have jumped all over that.

So yeah, this show sucks. Please don’t watch it. Or if you do, would you please pretend for me that you won’t?

Thanks.

• Apparently, the kids are calling it “juking” these days. But back when I was in high school it was just called acting real slutty and awkward. (Chicago Sun-Times)

• Students could learn a lot from this kind of dedication. Minus the dying. (Yahoo News)

• Jack Hanna and a flamingo got stuck in a turnstile. For real. (Associated Press)

• I don’t think South Park or Family Guy would think this comic was all that funny either. (WTNH)

• Cosmopolitan Magazine and its evolution over the past thirty years! Prepare to feel stunned and better looking than the cover model from 1987. (Jezebel)

• Oh Mary Kate Olsen, if there’s one thing I didn’t want today, it was a visual in my head of you running around naked wearing only jewelry. Real visual? Maybe. (People Magazine)

• Am I crazy or have I been seeing satin shorts in Forever 21 for at least a year? Take that Vera Wang. (FashionchickNYC)

• So now all the smug vegans can drive around in their hybrids feeling smug for yet another reason! Good for them! (Yahoo News)

• “People would walk past the serious work I was doing as a painter and want to see the Etch-A-Sketches.” Ummm…Etch-A-Sketch is serious work. (UK DailyMail)

• If you’re unhappy you get more ice cream! But then what if you’re happy and don’t get as much…doesn’t this make you unhappy? Yes it does. Genius! (wemakemoneynotart.com)