Ew.

Be honest.

One of the biggest motivations for us college girls to get to the gym every day is the thought of all the hot guys that will be there. Yeah, we go there to burn off last night’s margaritas and nachos, but doing all that burning is so much better while ogling delicious, muscle-y coeds lifting weights, the sweat dripping off of their glistening brows.

But then there are the other guys. Those dudes that show up in attire that makes us want to throw up last night’s indulgences rather than jump their bones right up against the leg press.  Everyone knows that the bar gym is a great place to pick up guys, but these five fashion choices are definite dealbreakers.

Guys, no matter how hot you are, you don’t look good in these.

1. Spandex

I don’t care what kind of exercise you’re doing, spandex is NEVER necessary. This goes for outside the gym, too.  There’s nothing like seeing a guy jogging around campus and having a clear outline of his junk to wake you up for a 9 am lecture.  Spare me.  If you’re lucky, we’ll wanna see your man parts after a few drinks at more appropriate times (that is, unless we remember that we saw you at the gym wearing spandex).

2. Sleeveless Muscle Tees

Unless you’re Pauly D or The Situation, don’t wear muscle tees. They make you look like Pauly D and The Situation. We get it, you have huge biceps, and trust us, we love to watch you flex them. But not in an old t-shirt you tore up with arm holes that hang down to your waist. If we can see your entire upper body already, what’s the point of wearing a shirt anyway? And while we’re on the subject, let’s just make these illegal, K?

3. Short Shorts

Short shorts on girls? Fine. Short shorts on guys? Gross. Guy thighs are big, pale, and hairy – a very unattractive combo.  And trust me when I say I did not need to see that guy’s junk flop out onto the mat during a particularly intense butterfly stretch.

4. Velour Sweatpants

If you wear these to the gym you are probably also sporting #2, a fake tan, and a blowout (and maybe even a sweatband around said blowout. And sunglasses).  I always see guys wearing these in colors like maroon, teal, and white. Forget the fact that we can see the outline of your man parts, but WTF? Did you get lost at Macy’s and end up at Juicy Couture?

5. Anything one-piece
Like this. Or these. Come on now; do I really need to say it?

On the flip-side, though, one thing guys should wear MORE of to the gym: deodorant. Please and thank you.

Bad Surprise Number 1: Cleavage Overkill

In my opinion, overly exposed cleavage is never cute – even if you have a rack that rivals Scarlett Johansson’s in perkiness and perfect round shape. In the office, however, I think that this is particularly inappropriate. Last week I attended an intern meeting and could barely focus on the speaker because the girl sitting across from me was practically spilling out of her V-neck tee. Put ‘em away, ladies! It’s not professional, and more likely than not you’ll be confronted by one of your coworkers for violating the office dress code (which always exist, even if you haven’t been handed something in writing).

Bad Surprise Number 2: Rainboots
It’s basically been raining for the past 10 days and I no one dreads soggy toes quite like I do. Rainboots are a practical (and cute – I’m loving my green Hunter Wellington’s) way to stay dry as you race to make your 9:30 meeting, but they are only meant for the outdoors! When you get to your desk, swap your booties for a comfortable pair of heels, flats, or boots. Rainwear worn inside ends up looking sloppy and strange, and they make those weird squeaky sounds when you walk down the hall that are just downright annoying.

Bad Surprise Number 3: Scrunchies
They still make these?

Bad Surprise Number 4: All black
Isn’t summer  the time for bright colors and fun prints? Apparently not. You wouldn’t believe how many people I pass in the office wearing all-black ensembles a la Morticia Adams in the middle of winter. Lighten up, everyone! I’ll speak for myself when I say that I’ve fully embraced the white pant (which I admit that I wear all year round… forget those Memorial Day/Labor Day rules) and the floral dress and plan to wear them all summer long.

And one good surprise…

Good Surprise Number 1: Spandex worn right
I’ve always maintained that if you wear spandex, you must wear a shirt/dress/tunic that covers your butt (and ideally makes its way to mid thigh) unless you want some serious camel-toe or dimple-butt. Leggings aren’t substitutes for pants, and they shouldn’t be treated as such. But I’m ready to make an exception for those trendy stretchies that look like denim even though they’re regular old spandex (some styles even have zippers, pockets, or buttons) and pair perfectly with blouses and blazers. Member’s Only makes a really cute pair that are as dark (and concealing) as regular jeans so that you’re not walking around overexposed.

]]> http://collegecandy.com/2009/06/24/intern-diaries-what-not-to-wear/feed/ 9 Maddie - Tufts University cleavage http://collegecandy.com/2008/11/26/candy-dish-beyonce-loves-the-spandex/ http://collegecandy.com/2008/11/26/candy-dish-beyonce-loves-the-spandex/#comments Wed, 26 Nov 2008 22:39:47 +0000 CC Staff http://www.collegecandy.com/buzz/14667 Let’s see her wear that after Thanksgiving dinner.

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Let’s see her wear that after Thanksgiving dinner.

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From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time.

The day of the barbecue, I went on a mission to find you. You turned up on 3rd Avenue, hiding shyly in the back corner on the wall. With trembling hands, I reached up and plucked you from the rail. I marveled at your simplicity, your lightness. Together, we entered the dressing room, and after a brief congress, proceeded to the checkout line.

Since that day, we’ve been inseparable. Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I just want to put you on. You’re so easy to wear and comfortable, and yet, so outrageously sexy. Every time we go out together, strangers on the street stop to tell us how good we look. And no matter what I pair you with – heels, a belt, sneakers, a pearl necklace, silver fringe earrings, a hoodie – you always roll with it. Glorious isn’t a strong enough word to describe your perfection.

American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress, I just wanted to tell you you’re unlike any other dress I’ve ever had, and you’re worth every penny of the $36 plus tax I spent on you. I will eat salads every day for the rest of my life and hand-wash you in cold water because I want to be with you forever and ever until the end of time.

With love from the bottom of my heart,

Lyndsey

P.S. Ladies, buy this frickin’ dress.

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There’s a new brand of body shaper in town, but this time it’s…for men?

WHAT?!

Now, ladies: we all do it. Whether it’s a padded bra (oh, excuse me “lightly lined bra”. Honey, you’re still faking it), control top pantyhose or even the aforementioned, miracle-working Spanx, we’re all guilty of some, shall we say, false advertising.

I am the first to admit it, and frankly, I think it’s great. Seriously, some dresses just require that I shake more (or less) than what my Mama gave me, and I will happily snap up something silicone and/or lycra-based to make it work.

From corsets to girdles and beyond, body-shaping is nothing new for us girls. It is not new, nor is it novel; on the contrary, a certain amount is expected. I like to think it adds to the feminine mystique of preparing for a night out, like eyelash curlers, body scrubs and complicated lingerie.

But on a guy?? Really?? I’m sorry, this is not something I can get behind. Yes, we all agree that modern menfolk can have body issues just like their female counterparts. Metrosexuality is de rigeur, and I’ve accepted that sometimes men will smell better or have softer skin than I do. So, when I read that men’s underwear brands like 2(X)ist were creating new lines featuring ‘spandex briefs and tank tops designed to have a trimming effect’, I tried to keep an open mind, but suspected it was an isolated incident.

But the examples just kept coming. Los Angeles underwear brand Go Softwear has the “Waist Eliminator,” with a waistband that extends up to mid-torso in order to flatten the tummy. Man-panty maker Andrew Christian introduced the Flashback Butt Lifting Technology Boxer – ‘a stretchy bodyshaping brief with a built-in elastic sling to lift and perk up the back side by “up to an inch”’

My god. There must actually be a market for this stuff.

Blame it on Hollywood hotness, or Hedi Slimane, or whatever, it doesn’t matter. However we did it, evidently we’ve managed to make men just as self-conscious as women! Well done, America! But fellas, take note: call it what you want, but a girdle’s a girdle. If I were dating a man (and I mean a straight man), and I got his shirt off to discover support hose, I would run for the hills – immediately, if not sooner.

Call it unfair, but I think a beer gut is a nastier surprise than say, slightly smaller breasts. More importantly, I don’t care if you’ve got one! But I do care if you wear lady-clothes.

Am I being shallow? Sure, it’s a double standard, but no more so than the couple I know we’ve all seen over and over: the schlubby man paired with an improbably hot woman (King of Queens. ‘Nuf said.). What do you think? If you were faced with a be-girdled man-belly, would you cut and run, or wait and see?

“What is it?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes away from the bloody heads and severed body parts in the window display.

“I’m wearing a white sheet, and over that I’m putting on underwear and a bra.”

“What’s that supposed to be?”

“A slut ghost!” My friend said, bursting into laughter. “Funniest thing ever, right?”

She definitely wins points for creativity, and for finding perhaps the one costume that hasn’t yet been turned into glorified lingerie by the Halloween industry.

It’s true. Once you reach a certain age, October 31st becomes less about candy and more about showing off—especially if you’re a girl.

I’m not sure where or when the tradition of skanking-up costumes began, but these days, anything can be turned “sexy.” Sexy pirate. Sexy ballerina. Sexy Bee. Sexy Girlscout. I mean, I could go on, but it might get redundant.

While some people get bent out of shape by a gal’s choice to dress like a sexy FBI Informant, I’ve never had a problem with it. I’ve heard the whole, it objectifies women! argument, but if a girl is buying her own costume, putting it on herself, and walking around with full knowledge that she’s showing a lot of skin, it seems like risqué costumes are more about letting loose and having fun than being forced into something for the enjoyment of others.

Personally, I’m an easy going girl with an easy going style, but once a year I thoroughly enjoy showing off the fact that I take care of my body and have a good sense of humor (Look! I’m a saltshaker! I’m dressed all in white with glitter and I have a big S on my chest! Hahaha…but isn’t this skirt cute?).

Ranting about that girl at the Halloween party who wore spandex and homemade ears and played it off as an adequate representation of a cat just wastes time and energy. Like all things in life, some people will take risqué costumes too far, but begrudging a girl her god-given right to be a sexy mailman is just downright lame.

Do I recommend answering your door to little trick-or-treaters in a garter belt and black mask? No. But do I propose showing off what your mama gave you in a room full of adults? Sure.

Just remember to be creative. Dressing like an actual whore never won anyone anything except an awkward situation on the sidwalk.

I know, it’s funny to be campy and over the top. But didn’t we all make fun of the eighties the first time around? Now it seems the spandex are unstoppable, patent leather is everywhere, and even the fanny pack has re-invented itself as a bit of “so old it’s new.”

I will say that the leggings, short dress, and boot combo is functional and sort of sexy. I’ll admit it I’ve rocked it.

But every time I walk into a shoe store and see the patent leather shoe, I think to myself, really? I think that was over circa 1990. If I see shoulder pads I might slap somebody. I know that Europeans have been heading towards the eighties trend for some time now.

The last time I was in France (about a year ago) I would see the skinny jeans, with heels and be brought back to the iconic image of Brooke Shields in her Calvins.

As a not-so-skinny girl, (size 12 perfectly normal) the flared jean has done wonders for me. Then suddenly out of nowhere it seemed the skinny jean and/or the spandex was everywhere. Me and my above average ass were not ok with this.

Check out the awesomely bad 80′s fashion gallery after the jump!

So, perhaps my desire to stop the eighties comeback is simply just a selfish desire to not feel completely ridiculous in clothes that just don’t work on me. But I do want us all to take a moment and reflect on those photos from the eighties, and note how ridiculous everyone looks.

Then look down at what you might be wearing at the moment and note that you might look ridiculous as well.

[album=36]

According to the one and only gossip blog Perezhilton.com, Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are “100% dating”.

I’m seriously going to cry.

I love that boy, and every day he’s single is another day we could possibly bump into each other on the streets of New York and fall instantly, deliriously in love.

Have you seen this boy’s lips? His eyes?!

If I was just a tiny bit crazier I’d dedicate my life to following him around the world, camp outside his hotel rooms and write him original love songs with my own blood.

I’m just saying…I like him a lot.

And all those other rumors, well, I don’t believe them one bit. Since when did having big, beautiful eyes and real tight friendships with other dudes make you gay? So he likes spandex.

It’s aerodynamic, people!

Who is hotter?