"No puedo sentir mis pies" -- I can't feel my feet.

Ah, Cinco De Mayo.  A grand holiday that brings to mind sombreros, margaritas, awkward family encounters with my cousin’s salsa band… no one?  Just me?  Okay then…

This prestigious holiday marks the warding off of the French from Mexico, and is usually celebrated with parades, etc.  Unless you are a college student; then it’s celebrated by waking up May 6th covered in confetti, wearing a sombrero, and clutching a kazoo.

You may think you’re honoring Mexico’s history with a few too many shots of tequila, but if you wanna celebrate this holiday right, it’s time to embrace Cinco De Mayo full force. And that means speaking its native tongue. So here’s a little Spanish guide with all with the essential phrases you’ll need for this joyous holiday.

Feliz Cinco De Mayo!

Margarita on the rocks please! = Margarita con hielo, por favor!

You come here often? = ¿Vienes aqui frequentamente?

Has anyone seen my wallet? = ¿Alguien ha vista mi billete?

My pants appear to have gone missing. =  Mis pantalones parecen a ser desparecio…

How did I get this sombrero? = ¿Como consigui esto sombrero?

WAIT THAT’S MY SOMBRERO!! = ¡¡ESPERA!  ESTO ES MI SOMBRERO!!!

That guy over there is cute. = El chico alla es guapo.

…Just kidding, did not see his face. = Solo en broma, no vi su cara.

Maybe four tequila shots is too many. = Quizas cuatro chupitos de tequila son demasiados.

Is the room spinning? = ¿Es la sala girado?

Wait, is there tequila in these margaritas? = Espera, hay tequila en estas margaritas?

How did I end up here? = ¿Como he llegado hasta aqui?

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

Swine flu, the rapidly-spreading illness making headlines across the globe, is probably Mexico’s least popular export at the moment. But let’s talk about my faaaavorite producto de Mexico, Gael Garciá Bernal, whose new film The Limits of Control opens today. Yeow!

The guapo Guadalajaran first caught my attention in Y Tu Mamá También, which is seriously the steamiest movie I’ve ever seen. Gael plays one of two teen boys who have sex with every woman under the sun and eventually take part in a thrilling three-way with a sensual, twenty-something woman (why wasn’t that me!?). While his character was supposed to be young, Gael’s physique alluded to the chiseled heartthrob he would soon become.

Bernal has also starred in the mega-hit biopic The Motorcycle Diaries, about the Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara, whose iconic face adorns many a hipster t-shirt. (Honestly, I’m as enthusiastic for socio-economic reforms as the next gal, but I’d much rather see Gael’s stunning visage on my cotton tee.) But if foreign films aren’t your forte, definitely catch Gael in The Science of Sleep, an indie cult favorite which…okay, it has a bit of French and Spanish in it, too, but accents and foreign tongues are just oh so effable, no?

Despite his premier acting chops, Gael has inspired legions of fangirls to set up websites in honor of his breathtaking hotness. And while no one has put a ring on it as of yet, Gael did welcome his first child, a son, with girlfriend Dolores Fonzi earlier this year.  But  having a little Gael around doesn’t bother me. There’s plenty of guys I wanna eff, I’d tell him, y tu papá también.

But before I start sounding like a fairy-tale, she does have some, ahem, quirks that some may find annoying, but I personally find endearing. This girl has taught me how to get along with almost anyone, especially complete strangers. (But for her sake, or mine, I’m not going to mention her name. She may do something to me in my sleep)

She Talks In Her Sleep. Even better, she talks in Spanish in her sleep since she’s from Mexico and that’s her native language. Many of you may find this difficult to deal with when trying to sleep, but I just laugh at her and roll over. I usually tease her in the morning for it too.

She Talks to Her Boyfriend on the Phone 24/7. She even has a specific phone just for talking to him because she uses so many minutes. Who knew one person could talk so much to their significant other? But I’ve learned to tune it out. I understand it can be hard having a boyfriend who lives 3 hours away. They have such a good relationship too, so it’s hard to get mad at her. They’re so cute together! Plus he’s a lot of fun to hang around with when he comes to visit.

She Listens to Taylor Swift When We Are Getting Ready in the Morning. Ok, this one is a little harder to forgive. But I see it as motivation to actually get out of bed and get to class on time. Otherwise I have to listen to…ugh, THAT.

Her Laugh is More of a Cackle. I really have no room to judge here, because when I laugh really hard I start sounding like I’m a hyena. Laughing is infectious, so I always end up laughing with her. Plus I like it because when she makes that laugh at something I say, I know it’s genuinely funny.

So if you ever have to live with a total and complete stranger, remember to look on the bright side. It can turn out good if you two can look past annoyances and see who they really are. My roommate has quirks, but she’s also funny, smart, and very good hearted. I love living with her, and it’s so much better than living with someone you just fight with all the time.

Ok, fess up time. Who has a roommate  with quirks that you can’t help but love?

But since I transferred after my freshman year, I lost a few credits. I still need to graduate in 2009; with the way tuition is, I can’t afford another semester or even another year. So since I was a little underweight in the distribution section, I decided to do what any smart, responsible college student would do; I signed up for summer classes.

Summer classes are no joke. They last just about a month, maybe a little bit longer. You’re learning things that are usually spread out throughout a semester, but crammed together into four weeks. It’s fast-paced, hectic, and time-consuming. It’s even harder if it’s a subject you’re not familiar with.

I’m taking Spanish 101 and 102 at my local community college to get my language requirement out of the way. Mind you, I’m already pretty well versed in Spanish. I took it for about ten years in baby steps. But now that it’s pretty much being crammed down my throat and even I’m having some difficulty.

If you’re taking summer classes, you can’t afford to be the slacker you might be tempted to be when those obscenely hot summer days roll around. You have to go to every class, because so much material is packed into one day that even that one absence can screw you over. You know that model student you promise you’re going to be in the beginning of the semester, but it eventually goes downhill? That’s the way you’ve gotta be during summer courses. Take notes, study, do all your homework, show up to every class, and ask questions. If you’re confused about something and you don’t take the chance to ask the professor right then, you’re pretty much screwed in terms of hoping it’s gonna come back up again to clarify itself. Trust me; it ain’t gonna happen.

The good thing about summer classes is that it’s over pretty quickly. Like I said, they range from about four to five weeks. After that, you never need to look at that Statistics or Baby Bio book again. They’re also pretty convenient; most colleges will readily let you transfer summer courses.

So if you’re lagging behind a bit in credits or just want to get that distribution out of the way, sign up for a summer course. It’s a little painful, but faster and even easier in the long run.

But damn if it isn’t mind over matter.

[Picture credit goes to: gettyimages.com]