Okay, so I don’t know if you ladies have heard the news, but apparently Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are actually dating, which really just makes my skin crawl. I mean the girl is legitimately half his age. It’s weird and it’s creepy. And since I am forever grateful that Scarlett let go of Ryan Reynolds so we could some day find each other and be together, I felt it my duty to at least point that out.

But in the process, their creepy crawly relationship got me thinking about all of the other creepy celebrity couples I’ve encountered over the years. And, well, there were actually quite a few of them. Ugh, my stomach is churning.

So for those of you not in the know, Bieber cut his luscious locks. I should admit I don’t have Bieber fever, and I actually think he looks 10 times better without that awkward swoop thing that Tom Brady Stole. Which brings me to my next point…why is this news? Why is this a top story of all my favorite celebrity blogs?

I get hair cuts all the time and it never stops the presses, so why should Bieber’s new shag be talked about like it actually means anything? Or our favorite friend, Jen’s, new style (which isn’t new for anyone who actually watched ‘Friends’).

Shouldn’t we be more focused on other things, like I don’t know…their talent? Career? Upcoming movies? Or anything else remotely interesting? But their hair — I mean, come on people, when did celebrities’ hair styles become more popular than the celebrities themselves?

Well I guess a while ago, because after doing a little bit of research, I discovered that Justin and Jen aren’t the first celebrity haircuts to set the world on fire…here are 17 more:

I am sure a little part of all of us wanted to be famous at one point in our lives.  A little piece of my heart wants to sing on ‘American Idol,’ design a dress for an Olympian figure skater (kudos, Vera Wang), or get insulted by Kanye West on live television.  Whichever way you put it, being famous does not seem that bad…but the getting there is tough.  Unless you are Justin Bieber whose ‘getting there’ involved a YouTube video and a cute haircut. Needless to say, I am impressed.

But besides YouTube, there are other ways you can become famous in lightning bolt fashion. If you long to walk red carpets, get chased by paparazzi and rub elbows with Hollywood’s A-listers, take a little advice from these fameballs on how to get real famous, real fast.

Get Fat (Kirsti Alley, Kevin Federline)
It’s been a long time since the woman who found fame on Cheers and later stole my heart in Look Who’s Talking (one of my favorite adolescent movies out there) was the topic of pop culture conversation. That is until she got fat. Then skinny. Then graced the tabloid covers once again grasping a donut and looking into the camera lens with 10 double chins. And now Kirstie’s showing up on Oprah, starting her own weight loss line (??) and starring in, Kirstie Alley’s Big Life, a reality show about her quest to lose weight. Again.

Sex Tape (Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, etc.)
If I have learned anything about Hollywood it is that a sex tape is worth more than a little extra passion with your boy toy. It’s the easiest, fastest and most fun way to rise to the top of the fame scale. Just look at Kim Kardashian. One day she’s getting down and dirty with Ray J and now she’s on the cover of nearly every magazine, has a TV show, a perfume, a clothing line, millions of dollars in endorsement deals and even gets paid to Tweet.

Sleep with the biggest d-bag in America (Heidi Montag, 15 Tiger Woods Mistresses, Jessica Simpson)
…Or marrying the biggest D-bag in America works too (in Kate Gosselin and Heidi Montag’s case). Regardless, sleeping with super big douche bags has clearly secured many a spot in US Weekly week after week after week. In addition to TV deals (Rachel Uchitel scored a reporting gig on “Extra!”), book deals (do we even have to mention that “book” Speidi wrote?), and an advice column (Ashley Dupre).

Have 100 kids (Kate Gosselin, OctoMom)
If you want to be famous, pop out a small litter. These women did, and now we can’t turn on the TV or read a magazine without seeing their post-baby bodies. Kate Gosselin had her own reality show on TLC, wrote multiple books, and even Danced with the Stars, which, obviously, means she is one. And Octomom? Nadya Suleman has been on the cover of People, appeared on NBC with Ann Curry and Dr. Phil, and even had her own two-hour special on Fox. Thankfully she turned down the offers to star in porn.

Be a good singer…who happens to be really ugly (Susan Boyle)
There are millions of good singers out there, so if you really want to make it you gotta set yourself apart. The easiest way? Look like Mrs. Doubtfire. It worked for Susan Boyle, who went from homely old British lady to having the best selling album in the world in 2009.

Two words: fist pump (Cast of Jersey Shore)
Want to go to the Grammys and get paid to party? All you gotta do is play up some stereotypes, spend your days tanning/doing your hair and you’ll be a millionaire in no time.

Say something REALLY stupid (Caitlin Upton)
“Uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should…” Yeah, we laughed (and cried a little bit) then, but Caitlin Upton is laughing all the way to the bank now. Since that infamous day, Caitlin has appeared at MTV’s VMAs, been on TLC’s King of the Crown, and competed with her boyfriend on The Amazing Race. [Editor's Note: She even got an interview with our hero, Chelsea Handler. Sigh.]

Be an incredible actress plucked from obscurity (Gabby Sidibe)
Obviously not as easy as the others, but there is still a little integrity left in finding fame and if anyone proves that it’s Gabby Sidibe. This incredibly talented woman made her debut on 2009′s Precious and was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress. My hat is off to you, Gabby.

[This story was originally posted by Brittany - University of Saint Thomas]

Likey? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.

Well, we all know the big news this week was Demi Lovato’s breakdown, which stirred up a lot of controversy (and not just on CC!). I would like to focus on everything else that happened this week instead of focusing on her very personal issues. We truly wish her well, and I want to respect her family’s wishes to keep out of it.

On a lighter note, there are some interesting things going on in Hollywood that don’t involve all kinds of Charlie Sheen/Mel Gibson crazy. And is it just me or are there a ton of movie trailers coming out all of a sudden? Like I need more distractions from class!

Big Time Procrastinating Tools

1. It’s about time: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are engaged! They released an official statement this week saying how happy they are about their future together.  No deets on how it went down yet, but congrats! Reports are saying that Jessica Simpson is upset by the news, but we have a feeling some magazines (ahem, OK/Us Weekly/Star, ahem) came up with that one on their own.

2. Are LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian engaged too? They Tweeted a photo on Halloween of a fake proposal as “part of the Halloween fun” and sources said they weren’t engaged.  But now, sources are saying they really are.  Apparently they got engaged before they posted the photo, and then made a prank.  Why, who knows?  Great that they’re happy, but that doesn’t make the public like them anymore.

3. Baby Spice, Emma Bunton, is pregnant with her second child!  She and her man, Jade Jones, have a 3-year-old son and just announced that they’re expecting again.  Congratulations!  Since this is the 9th offspring from the Spice Girls, maybe the mini spices will make their own group!

4. Will Jay-Z be running in the 2012 presidential race? No, but maybe in 2016!  In a recent interview, the rapper told said that, “Maybe in eight years, I’ll be the President.”  He then went on to talk about politics and the current situation.  Honestly, it’d be pretty cool to have Jay-Z as the Pres! Just think how awesome those State of the Unions will be!

5. Speidi might be going bankrupt! The two reality stars, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, have already gone through their more than $10 million earned from The Hills.  Wowza, that’s a lot of money! They’ve moved into a studio apartment on Spencer’s parents’ property and are considering filing for bankruptcy.  Guess those crystals didn’t deliver on their special, magical promises.

Itty Bitty Time Wasters

1. There will be eight Lady Gagas soon! Madame Tussauds is planning to release eight different Lady Gaga wax figures at their locations around the world!  This is the biggest launch in the museum’s history and I’m not surprised it’s Crazy Gaga who’s getting the honor.

2. Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio were spotted out at dinner this week, but it’s not what you think.  They’re not dating, but instead they had a dinner meeting with director Baz Luhrmann about his new film, The Great Gatsby.  Blake is one of the actresses in talks to play Daisy Buchanan and Leo is the frontrunner for Jay Gatsby. So excited!

3. Supernanny Jo Frost is dunzo! She said she wants to create some balance in her life so she can settle down. I say, we need another so-bad-it’s-good reality show to fill this new void in my life.

4. Weezy is freeeee! Lil Wayne was released from jail this week after his eight-month stay. Hopefully he won’t go the T.I. route and end up back in the slammer.

5. Check out Frieda Pinto looking GORGE in BlackBook magazine!

Your favorite reality villains going completely broke: Priceless.

In a move that had to have been endorsed by God Himself, the fates that be zapped all of Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag’s money into oblivion.  They’re bust.  Belly up.  Runnin’ on empty.  Got less dough than a Pizza Hut.  Basically, they’re poor.

Some sources are saying it’s because Heidi’s never met a designer bag she didn’t need to have, others are saying Spencer’s the one with the shopping problem.  From night vision goggles to NASA approved telescopes, he’s got more gadgets in his house than Stephen Hawking has on his wheelchair.  Add to this the fact that they owe money on various back taxes and mortgages and that The Hills (aka their paycheck) no longer exists…it becomes supremely clear that Speidi are in need of a career reboot.  Or at least a short-term scam to earn them some extra green.

But what can these two- okay, four if we’re counting Heidi’s…friends- washed up reality stars do that they haven’t already done?

Write a book on positive body image and go on a nationwide tour promoting natural beauty.  Because Heidi clearly embraces these values.  And Spencer loves a flat-chested woman.  Little girls everywhere would benefit from their wisdom and perspective since they’re two healthy individuals who successfully shunned the pressures of living in Hollywood.

Run for public office. The Governator proved that dreams really can come true, and Speidi already know where there political affiliations lie.  Free health care?  Try free nose jobs.  Gun control?  As if.  Sister wives for all?  Probably.  If we can’t see a Palin 2012, perhaps there’s room for a Pratt/Montag ticket in Washington.

Get real jobs. And be like the rest of us?  Please.  Next idea.

Make a porno. Not a sex tape, mind you.  But a properly produced, fancy lighting, no handheld cams porno.  I mean, aren’t you wondering how Heidi’s implants handle when put to the test?  No?  Wait, why are you vomiting?  Don’t cover your eyes!  Okay, so maybe it’s more like a horror movie…

Soap operas. Bad acting, senseless plots, petty drama… I mean, they’ve kinda got some experience already.  I can see it now: Heidi as the younger mistress, Spencer as the seedy nightclub owner.  They fall in love, but (!!) his wife (guest appearance by Audrina) wakes from her coma and discovers their affair.  Extensions and fake nails go flying!  Come on.  If James Franco can do it, so can Frankentitties and her furry-faced ex-husband.

This week I’d like to dedicate this post to Chelsea Handler, who despite flubbing some punchlines at the VMAs, is still totally awesome.

That being said, this week has been filled with a lot of post-VMA talk over T-Swift’s downer of a diary entry, Biebs owning it, Rihanna’s red hair, and Kanye’s ode to douchelords. Kanye’s song (and sick gold necklace) rocked, by the way. Just sayin’. Anyway, there were some non-VMA related things that happened so let’s break it down.

Big Mac (and a milkshake)

1. Shelley Malil, that guy from 40-Year-Old Virgin, has been found guilty of attempted murder. He’s facing 21 years to life for the premeditated attempted murder of his ex-girlfriend, Kendra Beebe. Shelley pled not guilty and claims he accidentally stabbed her (over 20 times) because he thought it was someone else trying to attack him. Mmmmk.

2.Watch out world – Speidi’s back! We all speculated that their “divorce” was a publicity stunt, but now the two claim they’ve reignited that special flame. (And how they did that when Satan Pratt is sporting a giant pube beard I’ll never know.) Wondering what this duo has been up to? Well, they were reportedly renting a home in Malibu this summer, made a bunch of renovations without telling the owner, and then hopped over to Costa Rica where Spencer got arrested last week on weapon charges. I guess congrats for saving your marriage?

4. Bob Barker fainted at a shooting range! Thankfully he’s OK! (And didn’t shoot anyone in the face on the way down. Hear that, Cheney?!) The 86-year-old Price Is Right host was taken to the hospital for dehydration. He’s taking it easy at home. Goodness gracious, Bob! Don’t scare us like that!

5. Joaquin Phoenix is a jokester! Remember when Joaquin said he was quitting acting to become a rapper? Well, according to the director of his documentary, Casey Affleck, it was a hoax! I’m Still Here follows Joaquin as he tries to break into the hip hop world, but the duo behind the project claim they “never intended to trick anybody.” Joaquin played this character on and off screen, even when he did interviews, for two full years. This has to be the longest running prank ever and makes Ashton Kutcher’s Punk’d days look like small potatoes.

Kids’ Meal (with apple fries)

1. Are Rachel Bilson and Chace Crawford a couple? The two were spotted out in New York together, but her rep said they aren’t dating and she’s friends with his manager. And didn’t we just hear speculation that Rach is gettin’ down with Jake Gyllenhaal? I think it’s about time she reunited with Hayden Christensen and put an end to all these rumors.

2. Jennifer Hudson keeps dropping the pounds! The Weight Watchers spokeswoman has lost another 20 pounds…the healthy way. Impressive! You’re looking fabulous, J-Hud!

3. David Blaine and fiancee, Alizee Guinochet, are expecting. Congrats! I wonder if Baby Blaine will pull a rabbit out of the womb with him.

4. Natalie Portman’s new movie, Black Swan, is getting tons of Oscar buzz. I’m not surprised – Natalie is a superstar. Although I’m not exactly sure what a ballet thriller is.

5. New Calvin Klein ads. You’re so welcome! DROOL.

Okay, when did the Jersey Shore become about heartfelt “feelings” and “emotions” instead of bar fights, beating the beat and smushing? SERIOUSLY. Thank goodness we had MVP running a very serious game plan last night about how they were going to maneuver three girls and a grenade to get us through the hour. The Situation stepping up to the role as commander and directing his men to deal with the “hippopotamus” was disgusting, yes, but also the heart of why we love the Jersey Shore.

Let’s step it up a bit, though; even the Real Housewives of NJ have more fire in their bellies than the J. Shore kids these days. We need more excitement. More humor. Come on! Don’t make me put JWoww and Teresa Giudice in the same room.

Not that there wasn’t a lot going on last night. There was that (connived?) drama caused by Sam and Ron and a little type-written note by JWoww and Snookie. (Or, as Ron likes to refer to her, Shnookie. How does he still not know her name?) The girls wanted to tell Sam that Ron’s being a dirtbag but they don’t want to upset the house dynamic so, you know, they decided sneaking around and lying was the way to go. Because Sam will never turn on the TV find out, right? Of course, when the bomb (read: Scary Sammi and Roid Rage Ronnie) blew up, the only one who owned up to Ron doing everything listed on the note was The Situation, imparting the great wisdom, “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Which pretty much sums up why we all watch this terrible, trainwreck of humanity. And we just can’t look away. every. single. week.

Jersey Shore season 2 is sort of like The Hills, only with more tans, sparkles and SoCo. But, really, MTV really is taking the dramz of The Hills and weaving it into the plotlines at the shore. Like, really MTV? Are you kidding me with JWoww and Snooki’s tearful embrace in the middle of the road while some touching indie-rock song plays in the background and the Rhapsody sponsorship reminds us to download this up-and-coming artist’s music?

Where’s your balls at, Jersey Shore?
Allow me to elaborate:

Sam and Ron as Heidi and Spencer Oh my god. The parallels are absurd. First and foremost, Ron is a sucky person and Sam looks like an alien more and more each day. Ron and Spencer both have clear emotional issues and anger management problems and both Sam and Heidi don’t have the courage to step it up and leave their douchebag men. At least while cameras are rolling, anyway. Pretty soon Sammi will be rocking double D’s, tweeting incoherently at @Sn00ki, and wishing that things were back how they used to be. Maybe Ron should invest in some crystals. Maybe some that aren’t glued to his tee shirt. Just a thought. Could help with the anger management. Didn’t seem to work for Spence though.

The Situation as Lauren Conrad The Situation, time and time again, steals the show (and my heart) each and every episode. He’s quickly becoming the protagonist of the show, yelling at Angelina for not cleaning the dishes (akin to Lauren yelling at Jen Bunney about being shady, evil and conniving), being honest with those around him, treating friends like family and, best of all, running the show while flashing smirks at the camera. And did we mention the abs? (Editor’s Note: Homeboy even sleeps in an unbuttoned shirt.) Lauren Conrad is to hair as The Situation is to abs. Think about it. Sh*t’s deep, yo.

Vinny as Whitney Port Have we not gone over the fact that Vinny brings nothing to the table on the show? Loved Whitney Port, but all she could contribute to The Hills is the breathy, “Oh my god, what did she say?” and her occasional endearing facial expressions. If he gets a spin off called “The Vinny” then we may cry in frustration. And DVR every episode. And recap it weekly.

DJ Pauly D as Justin Bobby-Brody-Frankie DJ Pauly D embodies every bro on the show. Such a playa, just like that guy Justin-Bobby-Brody-Frankie-Doug-Jason-Jeffy-Jamie-Joey who broke Kristin-LC-Stephanie-Heidi-Audrina-Lo’s heart.

Angelina as Jen Bunney Angelina is constantly getting the beat down, just like Jen Bunney. We can’t say we disagree; something about Angelina strikes us as “shady and conniving” despite her best efforts to, yet again, lay low. Stay out of the camera’s way Angelina and chat it up on the (sadly, not a duck) phone.

JWoww as Kristin Cavallari Obviously, both of their deep throaty voices are the clear parallel. But let’s not forget that both Kristin and JWoww are tough b*tches who do what they want. Granted, Kristin is a bit prissier than JWoww and definitely couldn’t take her in a Jager drinking contest, but they both have that same feisty attitude. Though my money’s still on JWoww if they got into a bar fight.

Snooki as Lo Reliable Snooki, ever the loyal friend to JWoww and accomplice. Lo and Snooki share some fantastic qualities that a sidekick should possess. Like, agreeing with everything their best friend (Kristin/LC or JWoww) says, and providing the much needed comic relief.
RUNNER-UP: Snooki as Audrina. Since Snooki got her heart stomped on by Emilio, we can’t help but have flashbacks to Justin Bobby and Audrina’s tumultuous relationship. Not to mention, both Snooki and Audrina have the “ceiling eyes” look going for them. Though I don’t know what Audrina’s excuse is, I’m pretty sure Snooki’s condition is related to the SoCo.

"I shoulda gone with the crotchless bottoms. Vajayjay shots get way more press."

Those who follow Heidi Montag’s tweets know the girl can say some pretty bizarre stuff.  And chances are you’ve caught a glimpse of her in action either in the latest tabloids or on The Hills (RIP).  Her one-liners are worth 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day a million bucks, and her rational is simply priceless.  Watch out, though.  You better not take what she says at face value, lest you fall into the PR trap that (for better or worse) is Heidi Montag.

Luckily, I’m fluent in TwoFacedFameWhore, the rare language indigenous to Speidiland, and I’m here to provide a little light…

Heidi tweets: “@LaurenConrad you were so right! Spencer is soooooooooo (Writer’s Note- there were a lot of Os; I didn’t feel like counting them all)ooooooooooo sucky!!!”
Heidi means: “I miss the days when it was just you and me, Lauren.  When I was on a show with steady ratings and had an attractive boyfriend who gave me a small dog for Christmas and…huh, wonder whatever happened to the dog.  Oh well!”

Heidi says: “My boobs are crushing me.  My body’s still getting used to them and I have major anxiety about it.”
Heidi means: “Maybe getting these behemoths removed will get me another People Magazine cover.”

Heidi says: (On plastic surgery) “I won’t get anything done again.  At least not for a long time.”
Heidi means: “Eh, I’ve got an appointment next month for a little touch up.  But *nudge, nudge* that’s just between us.”

Heidi says: (On plastic surgery.  Again) “I still can’t believe I’m 23 and mom is reacting this way. I’m nervous to go home and face her – especially with cameras rolling.”
Heidi means: “Please let her hit me.  Please let her hit me.  Please let her hit me.  The cameras will love that.”

Heidi tweets: “Crying“
Heidi means: “Binge eating and throwing up.”

Heidi tweets: “Cleaning the house and getting rid of my old life, it feels good to live fresh”
Heidi means: “Throwing away the effing crystals. Fingers crossed some paparazzi go through my trash tonight.”

Heidi says: “‘I love my boobs, but I still want to improve. I didn’t get them as big as I originally wanted,’ she said, adding that she wants to go up from her current cup size to an H cup — ‘for Heidi.’”
Heidi means: “I just want people to be able to see them from space.  Or on Google Earth.  I hear Google’s kind of a big deal.”

Bonus round!

Audrina says: “She said she wanted to be the next Octomom! I was like, ‘Heidi, no you don’t!’”
Heidi’s (probably) response: “Wait, you can’t just go to the store and buy babies?  Like, I might have to get fat?  Wow, I’ve really gotta think if this stunt is worth another round of lipo.”

Snooki says: (About Heidi) “I will punch her in the face because I don’t like her. She had too many surgeries. She looks like an alien and guidettes don’t look like aliens, just saying.”
Heidi’s (probably) response: “As long as you let my camera crew film it, I’m down.”

That’s a lot room for ad space fabulous articles, Glamour. This is good!  Just another reason to love September.

Well, first of all – this issue was tantalizingly fabulous.  Honestly, after flipping through 89 pages of ads, I read it cover to cover in about 2 hours – the way you read a magazine when you have a lot of time on your hands and you want to sink everything all in (reading the copy of the ads and the editor’s note).  September’s Glamour featured a lengthy spread with Justin Bieber awkwardly hanging out in an arcade with a (significantly older) female model.  However, J-Lo spiced up the pages with a totally hot photo shoot wearing leopard print, writing on mirrors with lipstick, and eating Chinese take-out decked out in stilettos and cat woman glasses. Standard.

Other articles told me what my headaches really mean, how to perfect a beautoumous blow-out, a fab article about perfecting the ‘classic look’ with Tommy Hilfiger, and the ever-so-helpful ‘Girl’s Guide to Appetizers,’ which made me curse everything I’ve lived for since I’ve thought quesadillas were the healthy choice.  At 1,000 calories a pop, Glamour claimed otherwise. For some reason I just received the same feeling in the pit of my stomach as I did when my mother told me Santa Clause wasn’t real.

Anywho, within in the depths of the juicy pages of Glamour this month (I seriously had such a such a good time reading this issue that I brought it with me to the bathroom….twice. Stupid quesadillas…), a particular article made me stop my heavy page scanning in my tracks. Entitled ‘Six Ways to Rule the World,’ I, an ambitious yet unemployed recent grad, was ready for some inspiration.

Glamour Says: Live your life as if you’re going to be famous (because then maybe you will be).
Brittany Says: Ok, wait. Didn’t someone do this and write a book about it? Oh yeah, I think America cordially called them Speidi and now Heidi can’t sleep on her stomach or jump up and down, and Spencer Pratt has lost his mind in crystals and facial hair.  This sounds like a fabulous idea! Thanksbutnothanks, Glam!

Glamour Says: Understand: Work is Mr.Right.
Brittany Says: While I totally believe you should strive to be successful in order to be happy, I also understand you shouldn’t try to make work your number one heartthrob.  If you focus too much on work, it will deplete your life of what you really need (relationships with people and, most of, all a Mr.Right relationship with yourself).  You are Mrs. Right. You are most important. Forgive me for sounding like a Dr.Phil broken record, but in his glory days he made some good points.

Glamour Says: Retire from the debate team.
Brittany Says: You can listen and express your opinion at the same time.  A healthy relationship with this balance shall ensue, but don’t retire from the debate team entirely. As long as you’re not out-rightly hurting anybody’s feelings, say it loud and clear.

Same goes for Tyra Banks (who does she think she is?!), Ke$ha, Olivia Palermo, Katherine Hiegl and the entire cast of Jersey Couture (no, I don’t know why I keep on watching it). These people shouldn’t be allowed to speak, let alone speak on camera. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if we never had to hear from them again. Wouldn’t that be heavenly?

So let’s all start a wish list of the celebrities we want to pack up and ship off to an island far, far away. A land filled with dangerous animals, poisonous fruits and zero Internet access or cell phone service.

Who are you giving your first ticket to?

Emmy-Loyola University Chicago: Spencer from The Hills. No one deserves it more.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I would send Tyler Perry away. The world has enough fat-lady-who’s-really-a-skinny-black-man comedies, and he’s making the same crappy non-funny movies over and over and over again. And if he has one more sitcom start up on TBS, I’ll scream.

Charlsie – Hollins Univeristy: I’d like to send Real Housewife of NJ Danielle Staub to an island where she can’t hide in Bentleys from the snakes!

Melissa – University of Maryland: Miley Cyrus. I think she should take her scantily clad, birdlike self to the Island from “Lost” and stay there. We’ll see who “Can’t Be Tamed” when she encounters the polar bears and smoke monster there.

Katherine – University of Delaware: I would have to say I’d send Mel Gibson far, far away. The way he’s treated Oksana is completely disgusting and I could put up with a thousand Spencer Pratts before I’d be okay with Mel Gibson.

Norah – Drake University: Spencer Pratt. He went off the deep end this season in The Hills, and I think we’ve all had enough of his mystical healing stones and overly fluffy hair.

Lauren H -The New School: Megan Fox – can we please just make it stop already!

Melanie – Northeastern: Charlie Sheen. Seriously, he repulses me and the fact that he is one of the highest paid television stars (on the worst sitcom) is awful.

Sara C- Fordham: Absolutely the Kardashians (do they count as one unit?). Not only are they dumb as posts, their show is always boring and they’re only famous because their late father was OJ’s lawyer (not really a great claim to fame, eh?). Yeah, Kim is hot, but there are plenty of other hot celebs and hot non-celebs, so that argument doesn’t sway me. Adios, amigas.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Ann Coulter. Though I’d really like to be there when she gets mauled by a bear.

Nina – Michigan State University: Mel Gibson! The aforementioned island would work, or he could just go to hell as long as I don’t have to hear his stupidity anymore.

Brithny – Duke: Mama Grizzly herself, because Sarah Palin should never, ever, be allowed to even attempt running for president. I’d run to Canada.

Sammie – Fordham: Kelly Bensimon.  Bitch be crazy.

Leah – Ryerson University: Taylor Swift, so I never have to hear another “OMG I can’t believe I won another award I don’t deserve” ever again.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: Kristen “I like the taste of my lip” Stewart. If I never had to see her act or pout while wearing Gucci and standing beside Taylor Lautner…I would be fine with that.

Cristina – Michigan State: It would have to be Spencer Pratt. I really don’t think I even need to describe why.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: Spencer Pratt.  I can deal with Heidi’s fake boobs and Lindsay Lohan’s insanity, but that flesh-colored beard I cannot handle.

Mechelle – Florida State: Perez Hilton. You can’t be a style maven AND wear that get-up to the VMAs.

Meg – University of Delaware: I’d send Miley Cyrus. She drives me insane, has no talent and sounds like she has a retainer in when she sings. I’m hoping that if she never came along maybe Justin Beiber wouldn’t have either and we’ve have some real music to still listen to.

Rachael – University of Miami: Oh, god, only one? Well, since I’m sure most people will say Mel Gibson (for obvious reasons, though, as a Jew, I’m personally offended by his continued ability to speak in public), I’ll go with the less common Tom Cruise. Between his attitudes toward the mentally ill, what he did to Katie Holmes, and his crappy excuse for acting, I think we’d be better off without him.