She also happens to be the only normal person to ever appear on this damn network. And every episode makes me love her more, especially when she gets drunk and shows her biz-ness to the world.
But Lo’s va-jay is not the (only) reason I loved The Hills last night. It was the ever so glamorous trip to Vegas with a hint of Heidi/Spencer dramaa that really did me in. Oh, and by “drama” I mean yet another trip to that damn Mexican restaurant.
Oh and let me just say that watching Spencer sporting the beard makes me constantly wonder if I’m watching The Hills or watching that new show Cavemen.
But enough about that thing – let us focus ourselves back on the good stuff: Vegas. Read More »
In a recent interview with US Weekly, The Hills “star”, Heidi Montag, tells the world that she would rather die than be flat chested with a big nose.
When asked about her nose job and breast augmentation surgery (which she has until now kept quiet about), Heidi contributed this incredibly deep and emotional response:
“But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”
Well, it is nice to see that Heidi has her priorities straight. I mean, forget about all those people dying all over the world. All the starving children in Africa. The oppressed women in the Middle East. The AIDS epidemic.
Those people don’t know pain!
Try living with an A-Cup and be forced to wear push-up bras that cut into your skin! Maybe then you’d know real pain! You think having your face ravaged by flying shrapnel in Iraq is a problem? Try having this thing on your face. Read More »
You know; when you just know the day is going to be bad, bad, bad. I tripped over my laundry basket on the way to the bathroom, ran out of hot water mid-shower, and decided to wear my hair curly only to find out that my gel was gone and I was forced to use crunch-causing mousse. Then I put on my favorite work outfit – black pants, white shirt, black cardigan – only to find out that my staple white shirt had a giant soy sauce stain right on the left boob pocket.
Damn you, sushi!
So, you can imagine my relief when I turned on my computer and found this gem in my in-box. Never has anything turned my frown upside down faster. What difference does a soy sauce stain make when you have this little troll awkwardly swinging her (HUGE) hands around as she lip syncs to her latest jam? Read More »
Heidi from The Hills wants to be a singer…or a mediocre popstar who lip-syncs in concerts while wearing tiny outfits.
She’s on her way to the mediocre part. Medicore with a side of lame, thanks to her big-headed boyfriend Spencer Pratt.
“Body Language”, a song recently leaked to Ryan Seacrest (and subsequently the whole world) is apparently not the first single from Montag, but is obviously on her record, so I am going to judge it.
The tune itself isn’t horrible. It’s not fantastic, but since it samples a catchy, retro beat, it may just have a life in the clubs.
The major problem with “Body Language” is the rap stuck in the middle—the rap that is rapped by Spencer.
Camp Montag and Pratt claim the rap was “just a joke”, but I’m sure it was totally serious until radio listeners everywhere deemed it the weakest attempt at bad-assness since Avril Lavigne. Read More »
Turns out the platinum bleached babes of The Hills aren’t the only fakes! Surprised? Of course you’re not. In case you missed the last episode (and all 762 reruns since), Spencer Brat –I mean Pratt– spends “big bucks” (attempted borrowed bucks from pal Brody Jenner) on an engagement ring for his uber-fake girlfriend Heidi. Turns out, fake ring for the fake lady!
The fugly pink diamond that Pratt claimed identical to J.Lo’s legendary rock, is actually a lavender, lemon amethyst.
Oh. And my parent’s 35th wedding anniversary, which probably should be more important than a not-so-reality series on MTV.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending how you look at it), their marriage doesn’t have as much excitement or drama as the lives of LC, Whitney, Audrina and Heidi/Spencer, so, yes, I am MUCH more pumped for my MTV this evening.
Come on. Like you wouldn’t make the same call? If you had to choose between witnessing Heidi’s new boobs or watching your parents argue about the temperature in the house and then go to sleep at 9PM, which would you pick? I thought so.
Tonight is going to be good. No. Better than good; Fat-Free Donut Good.
I haven’t seen any promos for the new season (as I have been busy catching up on seasons past ALL WEEKEND LONG!!), but I have no doubt tonight’s episode will be the kick-off of the best Hills season yet. We got the Lauren/Heidi drama, the always tumultuous Heidi and Spencer saga, and, rumor has it, an ex of LC is back in town. Read More »
It’s not news that I feel instantly ill whenever The Hills comes on, and it’s also nothing new when I say BSG (bitchy straight guy) Spencer Pratt gives me hives, but here’s something that IS different: he might actually be real.
Recently, Pratt posted this blog on his official website, and it’s a doozy. Not only does he challenge people to “feel free to hate on me here on my blog / board where I actually read the comments”, but he totally (and I mean totally) blasts his “co-star” Lauren Conrad.
“Lauren ruined Heidi and Laurens friendship when she told Heidi that she could not be friends with her as long as she dated me” Pratt types. “…the fact is Lauren is in LOVE with Heidi…she used to scream at Heidi if she left her alone one night…she used to ask to get in bed with Heidi and I to cuddle in the mornings…believe what you want…when those cameras turn off LC (MEAT CURTAINS) is a completely different person.
According to Pratt himself, Nicole’s Tattooed Ticket Out of Jail came up to him at the Beverly Hills Hotel screaming “you’ve been talking shit about my girl!” and wouldn’t stop until he was forcibly removed from the area.
Spencer claims it was all a “misunderstanding” stemming from “an interview in Details ages ago where I was misquoted, calling Nicole a skinny bitch. It’s all a misunderstanding. I’ve always thought she’s a really nice girl and I wouldn’t call her that.”
Ugh. Nothing makes me dry heave faster than a rich prick trying to cover his tracks. Looks like Heidi’s got herself her very own BSG.
Good job, Boobalicious. Here’s hoping he’ll love you as much as he loves his hair.
Like myself, you’ve probably spent the past year watching The Hills and screaming at the television everytime Heidi would get herself further mixed up with the sleaze-bag, Spencer.
Well if you haven’t already heard, Miss Montag has proven to be even more of a pathetic idiot in her toxic relationship: Heidi is engaged to be the future Mrs. Pratt! Gross.
According to US Magazine, “Pratt, 23, popped the question to Montag, 20, Tuesday night at the Bacara Resort & Spa in Santa Barbara, says a source who adds: ‘She said ‘yes.’ She’s over the moon!’”
These twits have only been dating for eight months so far and I really thought that Heidi moving in with him would be the last straw.
I figured that she would come crawling back to Lauren for friendship and forgiveness after a month of living with “Playboy Spence.” But, alas, I guess they are scared of falling out of the public eye and need to pull some sort of stunt.
For some reason, I am having frightening thoughts that a new version of “Newlyweds” is in the future…
In a recent 
Heidi from 
Today, August 13th, 2007, marks a momentous occasion.
It’s not news that I feel instantly ill whenever 
Like myself, you’ve probably spent the past year watching 
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