Unfortunately the big O isn’t all sunshine and toe-curling euphoria that it may seem to be on the surface. Don’t let your libido fool you, orgasms can be dangerous too!

Guardian is reporting that your orgasm could increase your chance of being pregnant, knocked up, with child, up the creek without a condom… however you want to say it. Bottom line: orgasms give couples the best chance at producing a child.

Believe me, I learned my sex ed a long time ago.  Even before sex ed, I had that talk. You know how it goes, “When a man and a woman love each other very much…blah blah blah icky cringe.” That being said, I get that sex leads to babies – there was never any confusion there.

What I did not understand was that there are all sorts of muscle contractions and fertility pressures and magical testicle reserves that are tapped into upon orgasm.

The basic fertility rule here seems to be, the more orgasms women have during sex means not only more pleasure but enhanced fertility as well. Just in case you think biology is sexist and unfair, there’s an equation for men as well. The longer men last, the more healthy swimmers they will release.

Is anyone else wondering if men have known this all along, and have been finishing quickly and not making us orgasm for our own benefits? Maybe a one-minute man isn’t so bad afterall…

Although nothing like the aforementioned methods are on the market yet, scientists are busily researching ways to make men more active in pregnancy prevention.

At the second annual “Future of Male Contraception” conference held in Seattle this week (seriously, they have those?) sponsors such as the National Institute of Health and World Health Organization eagerly watched as new guy-based contraception inventions were unveiled.

Some of the new developments revealed were:

• The Intra Vas Device, “a set of removable plugs [which] block sperm in the vas deferens, the tube that’s cut in a vasectomy”.

Oh, I’m sure the guys will be lining up for this little procedure! Plugging up tubes in the body doesn’t sound comfortable, either. It kinda sounds like your balls would be constipated, no? Lovely, I’m sure.

• SARM (Selective Androgen receptor modulator), a “Testosterone-like pill” recently used as a muscle-wasting treatment that may also lower sperm count.

Awesome! So basically this is going to turn your man into a testicle-less non-man? Please tell me no.

• CDB-4022, a non-hormonal pill that “prevents monkey sperm from swimming to it’s destination”.

How do you confuse sperm, by the way? And, um, you all noticed it said monkey sperm, right?

None of these products have had sufficient testing, but researchers are confidentially moving forward.

No word yet on how the male population feels about allowing muscle-wasting treatments and sperm drugging medicine to invade their weewees but at least we may not have to rely on mood ruining pills forever (or until we want to pop out a few).