Considering we had an extra day this weekend, this past week has been ROUGH. That Monday BBQ was awesome, but Tuesday just felt like the worst Monday of all time. It didn’t help that we ended up with a mullet because we were afraid of  offending our stylist.  Or the fact that we’re just now realizing our current “intimacy lite” situation with the boy we thought was our Prince Charming. But I guess we can’t really complain; at least we have the right to get married, unlike some of our friend in California.

But let’s not go there.

Instead, we’re going to enjoy this lovely spring weekend. Our toes are perfectly pedicured for flip-flops, and we’re going to head to the spa for a luxurious sperm facial (Note: don’t Google that…).  Then we plan to head home, settle in under our Snuggie and get suckered into buying even more crap we don’t need.  Hopefully there is some sort of miracle product on there to keep our abs in tip-top shape.  Nobody wants a mid-summer muffin top crisis.

Here’s to the weekend, even if it is only two days long this week!

Mmmm sperm!

So apparently all those frat guys during my last four years of university had it right all along – sperm really does have many health benefits.  A Norwegian company called Bioforskning (which sounds like the owner may have had a mouthful of something when she was asked to name the company) has developed a facial treatment to minimize wrinkles and smooth skin utilizing spermine, an element in human sperm.

Human. Sperm. WTF??

First of all, let’s just sit back and appreciate the thought process that had to have gone into this product.  Who came up with it?  Who was sitting around and thinking, “Oh you know what, I bet jizz is really good for your skin, let me test this out and then sell it for hundreds of dollars”??  I tell you what, when sperm is that close to my face, my skin care routine is usually the last thing on my mind.  The first thing?  “Argh, point that thing somewhere else!”

Secondly, this “treatment” can cost up to $250 per session.  Seriously? What happened to the days when jizz on your face was an unhappy accident after a night of too many free (and probably warm) beers in the basement of a fraternity house on the side of campus you usually avoid? And instead of thinking, “Oh hey, I should probably let this sink into my skin and give it a second to see if it does anything beneficial,” weren’t we all (those of us who were “blessed” enough to be in the beta stages of this beauty regimen) thinking, “Where’s my face wash??”

Although Botox and  plastic surgery get a lot of flack, I feel a bit more warm to the idea of someone injecting pig fat or whatever it is into my face now that I know a sperm facial (didn’t that use to be a euphemism for something?) is the alternative treatment.  At any rate, I hope this development doesn’t leak to those frat guys (or really, any sexually active male), otherwise this fall’s crop of freshman girls have a whole new thing coming to them (all puns intended).