But this year I won’t just be doing the regular kind of spring cleaning, I’ll be spring cleaning my entire college life.  I’m not really a pack rat but I do like to be prepared, so I haven’t thrown much away over the past four years. And no, I’m not talking old magazines and candy wrappers that would make me the perfect candidate for Hoarders, I’m talking hard copies of papers, and notes from my freshman year classes. But as binder after binder and book after book take up more space than I’d like, I’ve found it’s time to finally clean it all out.

So I did. I went through four years worth of college classes in one day, getting rid of the stuff I will never use again, like the notes from my microbiology class last semester, and hanging onto the stuff I may actually want to peruse again, like a book of Carson McCullers short stories, feminist fairy tales, and obscure post colonial novels that I just can’t get enough of. I tossed the astronomy notes, and the ancient philosophy and the anthropology, but I did keep the literary theory book if only because I’m still using it this semester and because I do plan on burning it once this course is over. Parts of it were cathartic, parts of it were said, but mostly, it was nostalgic.

I found the notes that my friends and I wrote to one another when we should have been paying attention, the song lyrics I jotted down when I should have been brainstorming, the drafts of different classes I’d sign up for during registration. I found old papers that make me cringe and some that actually impressed me (i.e. made me remember I wasn’t always a such second semester slacker). It was interesting to think back on the classes I’ve taken; to remember the days when that first 10-page paper in my freshman writing class seemed like too much to bear; when I considered for the briefest of moments during a meltdown in my first literary theory class, switching my major to something that required less reading. And it was interesting to see how much has changed over the past four years, inside the classroom, and out.

And now, with graduation looming and all the packing I’ll have to do after it, it’s time to let it all go. To downsize my life. To get rid of the past and prepare for the future. To put it all on Amazon.com and make some extra cash ASAP.

The Peter Walsh in me is excited, but the college-senior-who’s-not-quite-ready-for-real-life in me is putting it off as long as I can.

So of course I could not help myself when I came across an article called ‘Check Your Head’ which showcased some insane sex tips for men. Before reading, I instantly predicted an article that was going to make me giggle like a school girl, but turns out, the article was really good and had some real good (ahem) tips. All the men out there reading this, get the issue now and flip to page 52. Your new name will be ‘Golden God.’

Anyway, (whoa, train of thought, where art thou?) sprinkled in with the many token sexy girl interviews telling men how to properly take off their T-shirts, there was a hilarious and interesting interview with Chris Rock, where he stated his proudest accomplishment was Pootie Tang. Awesome.

And finally, I ran across a man-advice juiced article aptly named, Spring Clean Your Life. I couldn’t wait to dig in and discover what men are worried about de-cluttering come spring time. All of their crusty instant macaroni bowls? Sticky shot glasses? Old Playboy? Febreeze bottles? Errr….not so much. Guys are actually worried about things I would never think of in my entire existence, until now. Honestly, if it weren’t for the half naked girls on every other page in the mag, I would have sworn this article was written for a woman.

I guess getting one’s sh*t together in guy speak is a lot like get one’s sh*t together in girl speak. Let’s take a gander, shall we?

Maxim Says: Your Digital Self: When it comes to your profile photo, create a little mystery by avoiding direct eye contact or smiling. Women are more interested in guys who don’t mug, regardless of overall attractiveness.
Brittany Says: Oh really? First of all, do guys really think about this that much? Wow. Also, I don’t see this type of photo creating any sense of ‘mystery.’ When I see his MySpace-esque photo floating around the web, it is pretty clear to me what he is all about. And it’s creepy, not mysterious.

Maxim Says: Your Galley: All you need in your kitchen are these 16 things: nine-inch chef’s knife, cutting board, spatula, nonstick skillet, food mill, cast enamel pot, water/sauce pot, carrot peeler, can opener, microplane (grater), bench scraper (dough cutter), tongs, wine/bottle opener, big ass stirrin’ spoon, stainless-steel bowls, and a cookie sheet.
Brittany Says: All you need in your kitchen are these 3 things: Beer, bottle opener, mini fridge.

Maxim Says: Your Colon: Skip all booze and eat low-sodium organic broths, pure fruit and veggie juices, and a little whey protein; drink green tea. Let the bowel evacuation commence!
Brittany Says: Let the bowel evacuation come fashionably late. Obviously we all want our men to take care of themselves, but do men really consider this? For some reason, I do not see this happening in the real world. Can you? A veggie plate and a football game? A green tea and a poker tournament? I get it, it’s great advice to get that bowel business started, but all the men out there, just eat a fiber tablet or something… with the buffalo wings.

Maxim Says: Your Love Life: Are the fights getting vicious? Has the sex ceased? Would you rather do anything (work late, bar-hop, cut yourself?) than clock time with her? If yes, it’s a dead-end dude.
Brittany Says: Um, whoa. We went from bar-hop to cut yourself? That’s a little extreme, isn’t it? And this entire line does not do justice for all the men out there (considering it makes them look like lazy, careless, sex-fiends). So does this mean, if you’re not ready to cut yourself yet, it’s not a done deal?

I’m betting it’s more than you think. When you’re done reading this article, go take a peek in the back of your closet or the depths of your dresser drawers. It’s no secret: they’re filled with crap.

Everyone has junk they don’t need. One person’s trash might be another person’s treasure, but really, it’s probably just a piece of junk. So in honor of spring-cleaning time, here are some ideas for moving your junk out of your home and into someplace other than a landfill.

Thrift Stores:
Duh, we all know how awesome thrift stores are. If you have a few pieces in your closet that you don’t wear but can’t bear to part with, maybe you can give them the thrift-store treatment by finding accessories that go with them or using them to enhance other thrift-store finds (using a great fabric to sew patches onto jeans, for example). Or just donate your crap. It’s probably stylish to somebody.

Consignment Shops:
These stores are popping up all over the country right now thanks to the economy, and they are the perfect way to get rid of last season’s clothes (or the last five seasons if you haven’t cleaned that closet in awhile). Simply pull everything you no longer wear out of the closet, make sure it’s all clean and in good shape, then take it to the local consignment store and sell it! You can get anywhere from 35-50% of what they sell your stuff for, which is a great way to make room in your wardrobe for new duds….and the money to buy ‘em.

Stuff Swap:
I love this idea. Since you’re never the only one with a bunch of junk, call up all your friends and get them to gather their junk, too. Then have a free-for-all swap or barter arrangement where you can score sweet finds from people you already know. The more people you can get involved the better—you might even think about organizing this as an official event at your school. You and your friends could even hold a yard sale and collect cashola for the stuff you don’t use anymore. Which brings me to . . .

Sell It:
Why not make some cash from the stuff you don’t use anymore? Undercut the bookstore by selling your old textbooks to underclassmen, or put them on half.com. Write killer product descriptions for your gently used Steve Maddens with the killer heels (ouch) and set them up on eBay or Craigslist. In fact, get rid of tons of stuff -  from extra furniture to clothes you don’t wear – on Craigslist. You’d be surprised at the things people will buy if your prices are reasonable.

Re-purpose It:
This is one of my personal favorite options. If you’re crafty, save up bits of fabric and yarn and use them for gorgeous projects like the ones showcased every day on Etsy. If you can’t tell a spool of thread from a turkey leg, give your bits and pieces to your more talented friends who have been known to carry around duct-tape messenger bags and sew their own clothing. They’ll love you!

What other ideas do you guys have for pitching your stuff? Let’s hear ‘em!

The dos and don’ts of accessorizing.

Dancing with the Stars or Dancing with the Erections!?

The Fast and the…Bi-curious.

Single lip color is so last year.

WTF is Paris Hilton wearing?

It’s time to clean out the closet, ladies.

The Country awards were on last night? Hm. What happened?

Ah, spring. The bees are buzzing. The birds are singing. The flowers are blooming. It’s gorgeous outside, all sun and bright colors and cool green grass. All you really want to do is take your textbooks outside and do your work on the green. Mostly because your room is a complete and utter mess.

Spring cleaning is that thing you hear about that usually applies to houses, right? Wrong. Spring cleaning can apply to apartments and dorms, too. The smaller a space is, the more cluttered it gets and the more quickly it happens. Before you know it, you have to shovel a path from the door to your bed – and you do NOT have the time to clean it up.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t need an hour or two to clean your room; just 15 minutes will do. Muchly inspired by Fly Lady’s 15 Minute de-cluttering guide, here’s how to get your dorm or even your bedroom clean (or at least, cleaner) in just a quarter of an hour.

Make up your bed. It’s the biggest part of your room, probably. It’s your focal point, definitely. It only takes a few minutes to straighten out your sheets and put the pillow where it belongs. If there’s stuff on your bed, dump it onto the floor. Yeah, you heard me. Dump it. Making your bed is kind of an instant gratification thing; in about one minute, you can see a major difference in your room.

Grab the dirty clothes. Bet you a bunch of the stuff on your bed and what is now on the floor was dirty laundry, wasn’t it? Grab your hamper and put the dirty clothes where they belong. Do not do the sniff test. If it was on the floor, you probably need to wash it again, anyway.

Toss out the trash. Those flashcards for the test you had last week, that empty pizza box, that pen you know is out of ink but you hope will magically start working again…they’re all trash. Toss ‘em. My favorite method of dealing with trash, the 27 item toss, comes straight from Fly Lady; grab a garbage bag, grab 27 seven items that you know fully well are trash, close the bag, and dump ‘em. I like to time myself and out do former records.

Put miscellaneous stuff in a basket. It can be any container you want, really, but you have to keep it in view so that you can deal with it later, when you DO have the time. Anything you haven’t thrown out or put away yet, throw it into something; a wicker garbage can, a Tupperware container, even your bookbag. It has to be something you need to use soon, however, or else the stuff’ll just sit there. Knowing you need whatever is holding your random crap will inspire you to sort it later.

Wiping, sweeping, and mopping. This part is the easiest part. Once all of your stuff is relatively taken care of, grab a broom and sweep the floor. Vacuum if you think it’ll save you time and you know there’s nothing on your floor that’ll cause a nasty calamity. If you care to, mop, but don’t just wave the mop over parts of the floor. Really actually mop. Finally, grab some paper towels or disinfectant wipes and wipe down surfaces like your desk, the TV, the TV stand, and so forth.

If your room wasn’t that bad to begin with, you’re probably done. If it’s a bit of a mess, you may need another 15 minute spree to take care of it. If you would make a pig uncomfortable, do this in installments instead; 15 minutes for your desk on Monday, 15 minutes for laundry on Tuesday, and so forth and so on. Your room will be clean before you know it, and you’ll be free to go outside and enjoy the weather – and it’ll be because you want to!

I “spring clean” at least once every season. Nothing thrills me more these days than getting rid of crap I don’t use. It’s refreshing, it’s helpful, and it’s totally impossible without a good playlist to get you up and motivated enough to start, continue, and FINISH the job.

I’ve got a pretty sweet playlist on my Itunes for these special cleaning days and I would highly recommend that you investigate getting some of these songs for your busy bee days, too.

“Blanket” by: Autolux –it’s: Indie/Rock

“Grow up & blow away” by: Metric –it’s: Rock

“Non Photo-Blue” by: Pinback –it’s: Indie/Alternative

“A perfect day Elise” by: PJ Harvey –it’s: Indie/Alternative

“3′s & 7′s” by: QOTSA –it’s: Rock/Alternative

“Straight Lines” by: Silverchair –it’s: Rock/Alternative

“Jumpers” by: Sleater-Kinney –it’s: Pop Punk/Garage

“Bohemian Like You” by: The Dandy Warhols –it’s: Indie/Rock

“Love is Paranoid” by: The Distillers –it’s: Punk/Grunge

“Sideways in Reverse” by: Mark Lanegan –it’s: Rock

Throw on some of these songs and then try to tell me you weren’t motivated to clean!

Take a look at that closet of yours. Entering your closet shouldn’t be a hellish nightmare of wrinkled shirts and pants, but if it is, put on some music, get pumped, and give yourself at least a couple hours of a good closet cleanse. Refold, re-hang, and re-think some of those style choices for an updated look.

For the frequent and obsessive shopper like me, my problem isn’t keeping the closet straightened; it’s finding a way to fit everything in! The more I shop, the more clothes I accumulate. The doors can barely close at this point, and I’m afraid that some day soon, the closet will overflow and they will find me suffocated in a pile of cottons, wools, and polyesters.

If you can relate, take a look at each item in your closet. Is that pink baby tee with the words “Girls Rock!” something you haven’t worn in a pretty long time? Have you gotten good use out of those size two jeans you haven’t worn for three seasons, but keep telling yourself you’ll eventually grow back into them? Are the answers “no”? Trash them. I know it’s hard, and each piece of clothing holds a place in your heart, but they’re only taking up space. You’ll feel refreshed once that bag of rejected clothes fills up, and your closet is ready for the season’s new fashions. Donate what you don’t want and what doesn’t fit; there’s probably some one out there who believes “Girls Rock!” more than you do.

So let’s all welcome spring with a big bag of baby tees and size two jeans. Open those dusty, cluttered closets and say, “Refold, Re-hang, Re-think.” Your wardrobe will thank you!