As someone who’s spent a majority of their college career in an LDR, only spending summers and holidays with my guy, I consider myself an expert in the intricacies of the dreaded time apart. Are you thinking of starting one as you and your warm-weather fling get ready for separate schools next fall? Answer the following Q’s to see if you have what it takes!

Drinkin’
When you get drunk, is it impossible for you to keep the flirting to a minimum? Do your beer goggles often lead you to bring guys back for some late night noshing and nooky after the bars?

Do you think that “making out” with a rando is okay as long as it only happens once and you can’t really remember it the next morning?

BFFs
Are you jealous of your girlfriends who are in relationships? If your roommate was sleeping at her boyfriend’s house every night, would you wallow in depression knowing that your boyfriend was miles away?

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You’ve done some crazy things in your love lifetime:

Sleeping with your cell phone near your head as you wait for that boy to call.
Googling him to find out his interests…and then getting interested in professional hot dog eating yourself.
Eating only half of your burger when you could have eaten the whole thing and the fries so he didn’t think you were a heffer.

We get it. No biggie. Especially when you compare yourself to the real crazies out there:

The Sperm Jacker
Askmen.com recently warned their readers to beware of this crazy woman. The sperm-jacker is a woman who has neglected having children to focus on her career. When she starts to hear her biological clock ticking, she decides it is time to get pregnant. She goes out to a bar to find a man who will (seemingly) be able to provide for offspring, beds him, and then “accidently on purpose” gets pregnant.

The Marriage Trapper
We all know who this girl is – she wants her boyfriend to commit and his bachelor-ass doesn’t want to. Solution: get pregnant. This girl will get off the pill behind her boyfriend’s back or poke holes in his condoms when he’s not looking in order to get pregnant and force him to marry her. Some women go to even more desperate measures (yes, it does get more desperate than that!), and have sex with someone else to get pregnant and claim it’s their boyfriends. Too bad that plan didn’t work out so well for this woman, whose boyfriend had had a vasectomy that she didn’t know about. Read More »

I’d like to consider myself a fairly sane person. I wear clothing, avoid drama, and know nothing about voo doo. I don’t have a secret alias, or an imaginary friend, or a meth problem. No skeletons in my closet, just a bulging IKEA shoe rack and a gallon-sized refill of Febreze.

Decidedly not crazy.

Yet for some reason, whenever a particularly witty, charming, attractive male glides into the picture, my so-called sanity gets a little shaky. Suddenly, I find myself Googling his name at 2AM, skimming news briefs about what appears to be a highlight-filled yet short-lived high school soccer career. I’m not crazy, I rationalize; I simply want to be informed.

We’ve all been there. Or at least I hope we’ve all been there, because I really don’t want to be the only one who creeps like this. Guys I like just make me a little bit of a nutter. Fingers crossed these apply to you too. Read More »

Today is Facebook’s 5th birthday. Can you believe it? Five years? We’ve been stalking our friends (and friends of friends of friends) for 5 whole years?!

I’m always astonished by how quickly novelty becomes routine, and how easily routine slides dismally into annoyance. When I first logged on to Facebook, you know, senior year of high school – damn! – there they were, Joe and Chelsea and Ian and Howie and, oh boy! When did I get so many friends? And when did everyone start looking so good in pictures? My excitement was boundless. I was so pumped, I posted on my own wall.

Since then, the spell has worn off a bit. Facebook has become at best a boring tool (the seventh simple machine?) and at worst a recipe for failing your finals. We’ve all spent those wee-morning hours clicking through photos of proms and parties past. We’ve lost (real-life) friends over comment arguments about “just how drunk Mandy was” in that one album. And now our mothers are on Facebook, and they’ve Bitten us. “Start Biting people, and raise your own Vampire Horde!” Thanks, Mom!

But c’mon, Facebook’s great, right? We really do love it. It’s like a drug. And if you took that drug away, the withdrawal symptoms would be severe. In a world where all our Facebook connections were replaced by tin-can telephones, what couldn’t we do? More importantly, would we be able to park our culture in the handicapped spot? Read More »

Dear Facebook Ads,

I’m not sure when we became best friends, but it appears you know quite a bit about me. I don’t remember telling you, come to think of it, but it looks like you got the word that I am newly single. I have deduced that you know this because you are running special ads for me, like: “single again?” and “Going through a break-up?”

How kind of you! I was hoping that you, anonymous Facebook ads, would help me fix my love life!

It’s nice that you take note that my tied down friends need no such help from you, but that because my status is “single” I am a candidate for your therapy! Do I need a second chance with my ex? I sure do, Facebook advertisement! At 20 years old I am a miserable spinster! I desperately need your advice on how to win my man back – the man that I got rid of on my own accord – so, please, tell me how! Never mind the fact that you just assumed I was the dumped; I will take your advice anyway. Really? I can just enter my e-mail and you will send me tips? I can watch helpful videos? What ever would I do without you!? Read More »

When it comes to Facebook, you would be lying if you said you never found yourself looking at the pictures your winter vacation hookup (from 2001) just posted… or at the girl that annoyingly keeps writing on your boyfriend’s wall (and at all of her friends). I know, I know, you just randomly, somehow, stumbled upon them; you really, truly, only logged on to check your messages…3 hours ago. And now you are searching for that cute guy you met last night whose last name you don’t know (why did his name have to be Aaron?!).

Let’s face it; we’ve all stooped a little bit lower than we like to admit (logging on to a friend’s account to look at someone not in your network). Posted something for the sake of ONE person seeing it (an ex boyfriend perhaps? This picture totally screams “I am SOO over you”), or for the whole Facebook world to see (Look! I met Vince Vaughn! We sat at his table! This totally validates that I am cool. Take that all you who shoved me in a locker in high school!).

Every now and again, we all do a bit of random stalking or, as I chose to call it, investigative journalism. (The dictionary of my life says an email to my friends reporting my findings completely counts as journalism… “He’s single! Scooore!”) But with all this quasi-stalking that we do, we never really think that we are that important or fascinating enough that total randoms would waste their time looking at our photos from Halloween 2006.

That is, until it happens to you… and you find out.

And then, Facebook becomes really creepy. Read More »

I’m in a fight with Facebook. First they opened the doors to every crazy person on the planet/your mom. Then they started telling you everything your “friends” were doing. Then they started recommending friends to you, even though you would already have those people as friends if you wanted to.

And now those crazy boys at Facebook are stirring the pot again. This time with Facebook chat. Read More »

Ever think that stars like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are just being big babies when it comes to complaining about all the attention they get? I mean, who wouldn’t be flattered that people want to constantly take pictures of them?

Well, to be honest, I can’t say that I’m entirely jealous of their lives, but for those who are, don’t worry, you can just buy your own paparazzi! No, seriously. This is an actual company, and for our celebrity obsessed culture, actually a pretty smart idea when you think about it.

Here’s how it works:

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So you’ve just clicked through all 462 of your ex-boyfriend’s sister’s co-worker’s chiropractor’s daughter’s Facebook pictures. Besides your urgent need to get a life, next on the list is finding something better to do with your high-speed connection. You’re on CC, so at least you’re doing something right, but look no further than this blog, (And please stop poking people, it’s creepy) because I have for you three of the best internet sites on the web, you can thank me later. (Cash or checks, preferably.)

PostSecret.com

We all have them, but a beauty of a secret is in its release. Remember that All-American Rejects video for Dirty Little Secret? That idea is all thanks to this website. With a number of new secrets posted every week, it’s the first thing I check hung over on a Sunday morning…before I realize, mortified, how many drunken wall posts I haphazardly typed. (One to my cute Linguistics TA, waaaay to go) Read More »

She’s just too clingy.

Did you shudder? It seems like every time a guy utters that sentence, girls everywhere tremble a little inside.

It’s one of our biggest fears in a relationship. Are we hanging on too tightly? Are we calling too much? Should we pull back?

I could ask a thousand of those questions, but I won’t, because you’ve probably already heard them echoing in your head. Let’s just say clinginess tends to be a girl hang-up.

Knowing this and wanting to help (or just wanting to pretend he’s an expert on something) David Zinczenko, the editor in chief of Men’s Heath, recently wrote an article all about this relationship snafu, and how women can avoid it. While some people might think he’s finally cracked the code on relating, it seems to me that he’s just dolling out common sense.

The first thing Zinczenko urges women to do is not call their guy more than twice a day.

“You make more calls than that? The unspoken message is that maybe you don’t trust him, or don’t have enough to do yourself, or are relying too much on him for everyday satisfaction”.

Unfortunately, he has no advice for a situation I was recently in: a guy text messaging 7 times in one night.

The second thing us females should avoid? Joint email accounts. Um. Of course. Who in their right mind would force their significant other to share an email? Unless you’ve been married for ten years, this is the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard. Email is free, people. No need to be frugal. Read More »