Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed.  “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But last night, as I enjoyed a large DQ Blizzard while watching the latest drama on The Real Housewives of New York, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve met/gotten naked with.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Over half of the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “don’t know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys: Read More »

Something weird is happening. After a month of bitching that I don’t get asked out on dates enough, I canceled a third date. With a cute law student. If she were dead, my grandmother would be rolling in her grave right now…but instead she’s screaming at me that she’s never going to have great grandchildren.

To be honest, the boy is absolutely perfect on paper: attractive, on a similar career path as me, personable, polite… did I already say attractive? That counts as two.

But I have found a number of little, tiny reasons to be not-so-attracted to him. I don’t like the guy because he has this rare disease that causes him to spell absolutely everything wrong in his text messages. We’re not talking a mere omission of commas, I mean “Z’s” where “S’s” should be. It is a nuclear war on grammar. Read More »

I think we can all agree that physical attraction is important in a relationship. You don’t get all hot and bothered over just anyone, right? But there seems to be a bit of disagreement about what makes someone physically attractive, especially between men and women. You know as well as I do that personality can totally make a guy more attractive, but it doesn’t seem to be the same story for them.

How many times have you seen a total hottie dating some ugly dud? Now think of all the times that has been reversed. Can’t think of any? That’s because it doesn’t happen. Or at least not often.

And that pisses me off. How is it fair that a Jonah Hill can nab a Scarlett Johansson (theoretically, of course), but I can’t get a David Beckham to look my way? WTF? Do guys even realize how ridiculous that is? I tried to find out. Shockingly, even dudes can’t rationalize it. Read More »

It is no secret that my mom wants grand kids. And not “Oops, the condom broke” grand kids, she wants the real deal. So the fact that I’ve been sans serious boyfriend for a very long time now is getting her a bit anxious. (Though, I have to say, even if I was on the verge of marriage, those things aren’t coming out of my thing any time soon.)

Every time I’m home I get the same question: “Met anyone yet?” And every time I have the same answer: “Nope.”

I’m flattered by the fact that she’s consistently surprised (or very good at acting that way) and always feel a pang of guilt that her only daughter has yet to rope in a man. And when she sits down and begins to give me pointers and advice on what I might be doing wrong, I really try and listen, but I’m not sure I can take advice about lingerie, acting like a lady and making the guy “buy the milk” from a woman who has been married for 30 years. And happens to be my mother. Barf. Read More »

Someone once told me that the reason I’m still single is because my standards are too high. I laughed in her face, flipping through a mental catalog of the disgusting creatures who’ve woken up in my bed.  “Au contraire,” I told her. “I think my standards are non existent.”

But last night, as I enjoyed a large DQ Blizzard while watching the latest drama on The Real Housewives of New York, I started reflecting on my dating past and why none of those boys are in my dating present. I grabbed a piece of paper (Ok, the back of a takeout menu…it was closer) and began listing all of the guys I’ve met/gotten naked with.

To my horror, the list had more dishes than the Chinese menu it was written on.

Next to each name I wrote down why that particular dude didn’t work out. Over half of the list consisted of “d-bag didn’t call me back,” or “don’t know his real name,” but the rest were my own doing. And after seeing it all written down on paper, I began to see my friend may have been right.

Reasons I’ve rejected boys: Read More »