Finally!  A cure for the common cold

What is the most quotable movie of the year?

Is anyone surprised she’s coo-coo-crazy?

Um, what the HELL is wrong with people

Want a celeb body? Try these a-list workouts

First 30 seconds of Brit-Brit’s new song

Spice up your sex life today!

How can anyone reject him??

Turn your period from bloaty to sexy

Snooki continues to make money for being ridic

Oh, hellooooo, Johnny Depp. I didn’t mean to watch the MTV Movie Awards, but the two times that I accidentally watched, there he was. He banged my eyes stupid.

Kurt Cobain’s ashes were stolen from Courtney Love. Did she stage that so that people would talk about her? Seriously, that’s awful. I miss Kurt and Nirvana.

Fashion

Where are you going Grandma?

Lily Allen, Bambi spewing blood on your dress freaks me out – it is not fashionable.

You need to know that despite what TMZ told you, Jamie Lynn Spears will not raise her child in a barn .

Song of the Week

Still with the “Lollipop“.

Politics

Finally, the dems have a candidate.

Quote of the year

“If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway” I’m gonna say it – I love Star Jones.

The WTF of the week

How the hell do two toolboxes like Heidi and Spencer make millions of dollars? That’s it – I’m never writing about these two ever again. $500 might grow on their tool tree just for me typing this about them. P.S. Heidi, just design your sh*tty clothes because you are never gonna get an Oscar.

Babies

Angelina and Brad’s twin pictures will earn them $15 million. This almost went under WTF of the week for me. It was close.

Jessica Alba’s been pregnant for 3 years, I swear. Poor thing may only earn like $5 mil for HER baby’s first pictures. How sad.

“You’re great but….could you do something about your face???”

The truth is, if you aren’t beautiful–you aren’t the leading lady.

THATS SHOW BIZ, BABY.

But somehow, these folks have managed to trump the odds. Sure, they could have been blessed with better genes, but hey, they’re still racking in the dough and for that, high five to them and their faces.

Just remember, if business gets slow….there’s always surgery.

1. CELINE DION

Good thing her “heart” will go on and on…

2. AMY WINEHOUSE

Holy INVISALIGN. Could someone get her the hook up? She’s too busy spending money on crack.

3. PARIS HILTON

She just has the dough to “fake it” behind a sh*tload of lipgloss and bleach. Imagine what that face looks like the morning after

4. STAR JONES

What is redeeming about her other than maybe…her “husband”? (who, coincidentally, might just be totally and completely GAY)

5. TORI SPELLING

Pays off to be related to executives and sh*t, eh? Your dad will love you no matter what you look like, honey.

6. FERGIE

She has an uncanny resemblance to a frog. UNCANNY.

7. PEREZ HILTON

Yes. you are now a “celebrity”. Cheers, punk.

8. POSH SPICE

She must have pumpkin pie flavored nipples. How else could David Beckhott have fallen for her?

9. ZAC EFRON

The day wax-face “comes out” is the day teen girls’ hearts will simultaneously SHATTER across America. I’d like to know the exact date and time so I can have my earplugs in.

10. OWEN WILSON

All smashed nose and possible-heroin overdose covered up with a suicide attempt aside, It’s amazing how much I’d still like him to ask me on a date. Owen? You out there??

[Got your own 'talented, yet fugly' suggestions? You KNOW we want to hear 'em]

• Is anyone else tired of everyone telling us how much booze is too much booze? I mean, I think I know when enough is enough, thank you. (CBS News)

• Okay, so naps are amazing. Anyone of us could have told the non-napping adults in our life that, but now that everyone’s jumping on the nap train the next task…finding the best office sleeping spot. (Ririan Project)

• Popcorn causes cancer! Popcorn causes cancer! Yes, this finally justifies all of our smoking and drinking. Who knew cancer was an equal opportuinty disease? (LA Times)

• Little, tiny, trendy desserts mean that we’re all going to pay 50 percent more for 75 percent less product. I suppose that’s the price you pay for being an idiot. (Thatsfit.com)

• Star Jon — oh, I mean Sherri Shepherd joins The View! Phew, looks like you guys with 11am classes won’t have to worry about skipping this semester. (LA Times)

• One word of advice on this Thirsty Thursday: don’t be this guy. (YouTube)

The View has finally announced that Whoopi Goldberg will be joining the daily gab-fest.Goldberg is set to stat the day after Labor Day. And apparently, Barbara Walters is still looking for a 5th host (Hey Babs- I am totally available!)

I must say, the first fifteen minutes of The View is always entertaining. Watching “Hot Topics” is like fast-forwarding a scene at my sorority house kitchen table to twenty-five years from now. Gossiping about stars, shouting over each other to be heard and not really caring (or listening to) what the other girls at the table have to say. It is great to know not much will change in my life between now and the year 2030 (and thanks to Botox, really, nothing will change!)

Whoopi should be a fabulous addition- she is funny and smart, yet not overpowering. And she won’t spend her face-time trying to convert the entire daytime viewing audience to believe in everything she does (ahem, Rosie) or go on and on about her wedding plans.

Both Rosie and Star have been quoted as saying they are very happy that Ms. Goldberg has been chosen.

It was rumored that Kathy Griffin was a possible contender, but now insiders are saying that’s not the case…

Who do you think should be the 5th host?

To watch a clip of the annoucement click here.

And in other blatantly obvious news, Lindsay Lohan has a drug problem and I have to beat men off with a stick.

Since when do we care about Star Jones?

She hasn’t been on The View in years, and even when she was she was most definitely hated. Okay, maybe not hated…but surely the butt of many a joke. And it was well-deserved!

The woman sold out her own wedding for goodness sakes! Tacky, Star…just tacky.

When is she going to admit her career is over? Or that she looks better with a few extra pounds? Or that she’s a selfish money-hungry pseudo-celebrity?

Or…and this will be a shocker…her husband is gay?

Just sayin’.