"She's gonna get fat."

As college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming): the myth.

Alright guys, I’m gonna level with you: I’m a big fan of the brewskies. I like Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale, Sweetwater 420, the occasional stein of Newcastle, and the slightly more frequent funnel full of Bud Light. I particularly like that I can drink copious amounts of beer without the consequences that would come from drinking the same amount of vodka, water & lime. Most of all, I like that beer lends itself easily to day-drinking.

What I don’t like about beer (besides how much it makes me want to sing drinking songs) is that it makes me fat.

It’s not even the eventual, slowly-creeping-towards-your-thighs fat. It’s like an immediate, “I’m so carbonated and delicious and I’m going to make you so full you can’t suck in anymore” variety of fat. So it’s no wonder that beer contributes majorly to the Freshman 15, right? Ehh, yes and no.

The typical 12 ounce beer has around 150 calories. So obviously, each one you drink adds to your bottom line of calorie intake. The more calories you consume without burning them off, the more weight you’re gonna gain (I know, it’s all very scientific). But if you carefully measure out your Stairmaster time to counteract the beer pong tournament you plan on winning later and you’re still gaining weight, it might not be Natty Light’s fault.

A strange thing happens when I drink beer. Come the end of the party/night/gameday/Happy Hour, I feel this strange magnetic force pulling me in the direction of anywhere that serves cheese fries. I’m not the only one, right?  Ok, good.

Beer, while awesome, still has alcohol in it (actually I’m pretty sure that’s what makes it awesome). Alcohol has this sneaky, two pronged approach to weight gain. In and of itself, it’s a highly caloric waste of nutritional value. On top of that, it lowers inhibitions. So not only are you more likely to make out with that guy who dressed up as a Smurf for Halloween (my best friend is still trying to get the blue body paint off of her sheets), you’re more likely to think that a Big Mac is totally worth blowing your day of careful eating and yoga. And it might not stop at the Big Mac, because we all know McDonald’s is a gateway drug to pizza and Lucky Charms.

So, while beer will make you gain weight (without exercise and self-control), another often-overlooked aspect of weight gain is beer’s BFF, Drunk Eating. The best way to avoid gaining a beer gut that isn’t even beer? Don’t stock your fridge with unhealthy crap, keep snacks in pre-portioned containers or bags, and for the love of all that is holy do not ask the cab driver to stop at Taco Bell on the way home! Instead, eat a good dinner with complex carbs and protein on nights you know you’re goin’ out big. Good judgment before 5 rounds of flip cup might just ensure better judgment after you are dubbed queen of the first try flip.

It’s hard, because I usually use FB to communicate with close friends who may have moved far away since our glory days as high school minors, and I often forget that I have a few hundred random people who really DON’T need to know my personal details. So, fellow collegiates, the next time you sit down and log in, take some of the following factors into consideration and reconfigure your FB behavior.

1. Poking is not a form of flirtation.

WTF? It’s a poke. It’s been around since the birth of Facebook, and it’s never made any sense. Maybe years ago, when FB was a baby, it was funny to have an online program that allowed you to “poke” people, but now, it’s played out. What comes from the poke? One of two things: The ignored poke, which will make you feel uber lame, or the “poke back.” And what comes from that?

2. “Gifts” are not actually gifts.

Whenever a free gift pops up, I think of a reason to send it to my cousin (who may or may not actually be my fraternal twin). However, spending $1 on a graphic is just lame. Especially when they sell out. HELLO! Virtual icons cannot sell out, because they don’t actually exist!!!! So, instead of spending a dollar to send your BFF a cartoon teddy bear, or your crush a virtual pair of panties as a sorry way to flirt, save your money and buy something that can be wrapped.

3. Your status does not need to reflect your deepest feelings, and does not need to be updated more than once a day.

I’m guilty of this one. But it’s true. FB statii have become the new away message. But in the third person. So you can’t even put up a (so you think) meaningful quote without saying something to the effect of “CJ says, in the words of Shakespeare, ‘The Lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact.” It’s effing Facebook. No need to go poetic. Besides, you have limited space, so you may not even be able to say everything you want to… which is a blessing in disguise.

4. You don’t need to attempt to FB chat with someone just because you don’t know their screen name.

There are loads of people who don’t even know how to work the FB chat, so chances are, you’ll send a “Hiiii! You there?!?” message that will never be returned. You’ll feel awkward, and who knows if the person on the receiving end will even get it. Unless you have successfully FB chatted with someone in the past, I highly suggest refraining from initiating the catch-up convo in this manner. Especially when you’re drunk.

Seriously, when you’re drunk, just leave the Facebook chat alone. Really. Please.

5. There is no reason to spend more time on Facebook than on your studies.

Well, besides the fact that profile updates are more entertaining than the history of the Civil War. But do you really want to be that person who is ALWAYS online? Go take a walk, go to the gym, hell, have some face-to-face interaction with someone!

6. Know your privacy settings. And even if you do, proceed with caution.

Over the past few years, several news stories have broken out in regards to people whose lives have been ruined due to Facebook and Myspace content. Teachers who post pics with a beer in their hand are fired, high school kids with less-than-scholarly profiles have been denied college admission. You know it. If you have party pics online, set your profile to private. You might even want to block certain people from certain photo albums. Just keep in mind that you might not even remember some of the people that you added months ago, whom you might not want to let into your personal life.

Exam week can be pretty intense. All you want is to pack up your shizz and go home to party for a month, but the word “cumulative” is making you want to throw up in your mouth. Can you slide by, or is exam week going to destroy the grade you earned busting your butt on every paper you wrote this semester? Everyone has their own study tips and ways to deal with stress, but here are some surefire tactics to avoid if you really want to make the grade.

1. OD’ing on Caffeine

If caffeine were illegal, I’d be a certified crack whore. So I know that overdoing the stimulants can only end poorly. There have been times where I drank so much coffee that it had an adverse affect on my body, and I passed out facedown in the books. Or I got so hyper that I alphabetized my DVD collection instead of hitting the books. Overdoing the caffeine can also keep you up for hours after you’ve shut the books, and you’ll be super groggy when the time comes to put number 2 pencil to paper (if you don’t sleep through the entire final!).

Another major caffeine no-no? Taking energy pills such as Stackers. You’ll be more concerned with the heart palpitations you’re having than the exam itself. You don’t want to pull a Jessie Spano in front of the whole lecture, hall do you?

2. Facebooking

It starts innocently. You sign in to put “[your name here] is cramming for exams all night long” into your status. Then, you decide to write on your BFF’s wall. Then, you decide to browse the groups she’s in. Then, you join some of them. Then, you decide to friend some of the people in those groups. While you’re doing that, someone FB-chats you, and the next thing you know, you’re a member of “If a Million People Join This Group, I’ll Shave My Head,” you’re friends with strangers in all 50 states, and you still don’t know jack about derivatives, the Civil War, or what the eff is going on in Eliot’s The Wasteland.

3. Taking Sexams Instead.

Tell your boyfriend to put his libido on pause for a week, and promise a f— fest once you’ve aced all of your finals. Nuff said.

4. Picking Up Extra Shifts At Work

Yes, the holidays are coming. Yes, you need bar money after your last final. Yes, you’re simply dirt poor. But picking up another shift means five less hours to study for Econ. And if you fail a class and have to take it again, you’re going to have to pay an arm and a leg for those extra credits. If anything, you should take a shift off. Besides, once winter break hits, you’ll have all the time in the world to work your butt off… provided you’re not spending every moment at the bar.

5. Liquor in the Library.

Or at your desk. Or in the study hall. Just lay off the booze, ok? Sure, a glass of wine will calm your stressed-out nerves, but one glass always has the potential to turn into another, and the next thing you know, you and your roommate are dancing to “Footloose” instead of cracking the books (not that I would know from experience…cough). Yes, it’s tempting to go to the bar during finals week because you don’t have to wade through a sea of thousands of procrastinating collegiates, but all in all, getting bombed during exams usually isn’t the best idea.

Case in point? I did go to the bar the night before my 8 a.m. Shakespeare final. Why? Because I’m a Shakespeare geek, my professor was an easy grader, and I had a solid A in the class anyway. I could ace any essay question thrown me at 8 a.m., with or without a hangover (actually, I was banking on being still drunk and really letting my ideas fly). I ran into a guy from class who was so sh*tfaced, he didn’t even know we had an exam. He never showed up the next morning, and I never saw him again. Yes, I got my A. But my story isn’t the moral here, it’s the fact that Drunky McDrunkerson probably went on Academic Probation and may or may not work at a gas station somewhere today.

The ultimatum? Suffer through this one last week, and you’ll have a whole new semester of procrastinating to look forward to over the holiday season. If you don’t bring your A-game, it’s going to be very difficult to tell Mom and Dad you flunked out while chestnuts are roasting on that open fire.

Got anything else we should avoid?

[Photo courtesy of flickr.com/photos/uscfan]

It’s not official unless it’s on Facebook.

You know the phrase is true. Did you hook up with a new boyfriend lately? Get a new job? Start grad school? You probably updated your Facebook to let everyone know about it. Social networking has acquired a terrifically powerful role in our culture, one which legitimizes every facet of our lives. But what happens when Facebook users begin posting personal details that don’t merit digital high-fives?

Such is the case with a new trend in Facebook groups that actually promote such eating disorders as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. Think about your average, “Hell Yeah I Went To Public School!” group and channel all of that enthusiasm towards the idea of starving yourself. Imagine scrolling through a list of your friend’s groups and finding one like “Ana Boot Camp” (which has recently been disabled by the Facebook administration) which attracts users who view anorexia as a fitness goal, not an eating disorder. They’ve even co-opted the name “anorexia” to just “Ana,” as a way of reinforcing the idea of anorexia positively. Members of “pro-Ana” groups collaborate on starvation plans and look to one another for “thinspiration.”

Though the pro-Ana phenomenon has existed for some time on independent websites, the jump from private domains to the certainly more public sphere of Facebook is a new step in eating disorder pride. While Anas (the name for followers of pro-Ana) have lurked online and in private chats in the past, joining pro-Ana groups on Facebook signifies that they are confident in their beliefs and aren’t afraid to share their eating habits with friends.

Newsweek, which published an article on this story this week, interviewed 20-year-old Kate (who declined to give her last name) about the benefits of being pro-Ana on Facebook.

“[On Facebook], there’s a lot of really close networking,” she said, “so you add those people as friends and exchange phone numbers, and when you’re having a hard day, you talk on the phone.” And by joining pro-Ana groups, these individuals are declaring their relationship with eating disorders for all of their friends to see.

The tragedy with the pro-Ana movement is that its supporters are completely oblivious to (or defiant of) the fact that eating disorders are diseases that need treatment. Anas believe that people who deride eating disorders see them as bad habits. Through social networking, they stand to spread their unhealthy message of celebrating anorexia to many more people. Young female Facebook users could be persuaded to turn to starving themselves to stay thin, if the cultural pressure to slim down remains and the cult of pro-Anas expands.

And even if Anas don’t convert everyone to anorexia (they’re not particularly mobile proselytizers), allowing their groups to expand on Facebook would mean tolerating eating disorders, which is an insult to those who truly suffer and deserve medical attention. Thankfully, Facebook administrators have already begun to disable pro-Ana groups, which should be a step in the right direction. Nonetheless, Facebook has evolved as a legitimate medium for trend spotting, and tolerating anorexia should not be another passing headline on the news feed.

A new study, the results of which appear in the October issue of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, suggests that Facebook profiles can mirror the narcissism of their owners.

Besides being synonymous with being “egotistical,” “self-centered,” and “self-absorbed,” narcissism affects the ability of a person to form healthy, long-term relationships. According to W. Keith Campbell, a professor at the University of Georgia who co-authored the study in question, “Narcissists are using Facebook the same way they use their other relationships – for self promotion with an emphasis on quantity of over quality.”

You know those people that add you as a friend after a 30-second convo, or because you know one of their friends (or their friend’s friends?) The ones who have 10,562 friends…in their main network alone? These Facebookers also have a variety of photo albums on their page– most of which are full of self-portraits and glamour shots taken in the mirror. These are the FB users who most clearly exhibit signs of narcissism.

The growth spurts of social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace have grabbed the attention of behaviorists who want to explore how personality traits are expressed online. “We’ve undergone a social change in the last four or five years and now almost every student manages their relationships through Facebook – something that few older people do,” asserts Campbell. “It’s a completely new social world that we’re just beginning to understand.”

I wonder what else we can learn from peoples’ Facebook quirks. For example: what do we learn from the girl who changes her status every five seconds, so you always know EXACTLY where she is and what she’s doing? How about the guy you haven’t talked to in months, yet still comments on all of your new FB photos, your status, even what other people are writing on your wall?

What would you like to learn from Facebook? Do you agree with this study?

I’ve been spending a lot of time at music festivals this summer, like waaay more than anyone who isn’t obsessed with Jerry Garcia and The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test should, so I have run into a few very interesting characters, to say the least.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m not a whole fan of the hippie lifestyle. I’m extremely liberal and I love me some tye dye & hemp necklaces & moonshine just as much as the next chick. I just prefer to have clean underwear and hair that smells more like strawberries than Mary Jane. But the one thing I have never found appealing are the dreadlocked, banjo-playing, I-ate-way-too-many-mushrooms-once kind of crazies you run into at festivals – who basically live and breathe the whole scene.

I have a best friend; however, who is notorious for falling in lurrrve with every boy who writes her a sonnet and accompanies on his harmonica or enchants her with stories of touring with The String Cheese Incident. She’s a sucker, that’s for sure. I always wondered: How is it humanly possible that my friend who is gorgeous, intelligent & about to graduate with a B.A. going to seriously consider dating someone who is jobless, degree-less and (presumably) showerless?

This is especially hard for me to grasp as I am on the complete opposite end of the scumbag spectrum: I won’t give a guy a second glance if he isn’t enrolled in at least 16 semester hours, working his ass off at the local pizza shop to pay rent AND already completing or is planning to complete an internship in his chosen field (that would preferably be law, medicine or business) in the very near future.

Picky? Maybe. But I feel that if I’m gonna marry, or at the very least have some kind of future with someone, I want him to be at my “level” or above. Ya feel me? Leave the losers for the high school girls.

But, as I sat down to write this, I realized that perhaps, I am being a wee bit too judgmental. Isn’t it more important that the guy love and respect me – regardless of whether he is going to grad school or will be offered a fabulous job after college? Isn’t it possible to be happily married to a man who never slaved his way through four years of Shakespeare, lectures on the Industrial Revolution and quadratic equations?

I think the answer is: YES. It’s kind of a weird concept for me to wrap my hungover brain around, but I think there are actually some things more important in life than status and money. I see now, that the reason my BFF falls for these weirdos is because they are happy with who they are and are obviously extremely passionate about the way they live. What does all that money and power mean if you aren’t content? What does a degree actually do for you if you have no real sense of purpose? Absolutely nothing.

I wanted to write some story about how we as women should ditch all these loser scumbags with no jobs and no future plans in favor of the stud muffins in our Economics classes who will be makin’ six figures ten years down the road. Okay, I still suggest that. But I also want to make it known that not everybody has to go to college, or have a sweet job handed to them on a silver platter to make a potentially good boyfriend/fiancé/husband/life-long partner. In fact, you might even find that these guys have more drive and desire to get what they actually want out of life than the dude who was forced into college by his crazy father who is trying to live vicariously through him.

So next time a dude who tells me he’s living with his grandma and had to drop out last semester/quit his job at the local pizza shop/will probably never go back to school asks me on a date, I MIGHT consider saying yes.

As long as he plays the harmonica.

“I’ve decided that deep down, no girl really wants to be alone,” my friend announced as she cut into her spring rolls. “Even if she says she doesn’t want a boyfriend, if the right guy stepped into her life, she’d take him.”

“What about So-And-So?” I asked, naming another mutual friend. “She kept saying how happy she was without a guy, and how she was too busy anyway. She seemed fine.”

“Didn’t you hear? Last month she landed a dude.” My friend handed me half of her spring roll, using the other half to point in my direction. “She bumped into this guy at a party and two weeks later she was updating her Facebook status to read So-And-So is totally in love.”

“Ew. Really?” Inwardly, I was jealous. When was the last time I had updated my Facebook status to say I was totally in love? Never, I realized, since the last time I was in love, Facebook hadn’t even been invented.

“Really.” My friend declared. “Us women all need to face the fact that being single just isn’t our natural stasis.”

Since that conversation over hot and sour soup, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my friend said compared to what society is so adamant in making me believe. Everywhere I turn someone is determined to convince me that being single is perfectly fine. A good decision even. Something to be cherished and respected. Single girls rule!

But then I go back and think about how personally, if the right guy walked into my life tomorrow, I’d have no problem putting my single days behind me forever. I’d always thought my inclination towards long-term relationships was just inherently me, but what if there are other girls out there who also really dislike a table for one?

Are we all just hiding our desire to be coupled because we think it makes us weak and dependant? Are we afraid we’ll be deemed an unsatisfactory Feminist? Has the You Go Single Girl! media blitzkrieg worked so well that we’ve convinced our selves of something that isn’t actually true?

Or are there really girls who, when faced with Mr. Right, would tell him to come back in a year?