There’s a few positions my boytoy and I absolutely looove that guarantee to keep our body heat blazing during those cold fall nights.

One great position that’ll get your temperatures rising is the spoon. This is perfect for when the two of you are just cuddling away under the blankets but still feel like getting frisky. While Cosmo recommends the dude half-kneel behind you, my guy and I like to just stay side by side with one of his hands on my waist to keep the rhythm. The guy lifting your top leg is optional too. If you don’t feel like having your leg dangling in the air, keep your legs down but knees slightly apart for a tighter fit. Instant warmth, no hot chocolate needed.

Still chilly? Time to heat things up with some shower sex! Sex in the shower is fun but a little tricky since there’s always the chance of one somebody slipping. The right position for this small space is debatable, but I found the best way is for the girl to be bent over with her hands on the walls for support while the guy stands behind her. You can also try with the girl’s back against the wall and one of her legs wrapped around the guy’s waist, but its harder for her to keep her balance. Any way you want to try, shower sex makes for a steaming hot time. With this combo of hot water and sweet lovin’, anyone can forget that fall is rolling on in.

When a cold night strikes, a little body heat can go a long way. Trying girl-on-top, with a twist, creates the perfect friction to keep you two toasty all night long. Instead of the girl sitting straight up, she can move so she is horizontally laying over the guy. Adding a blanket over the top creates a nice warm cave for the two of you, but with the heat of your bodies you might not even need it. Another variation is to have the man do most of the work by slightly raising his knees while the girl on top leans over him. No matter how your rubbing, you two will be creating your own fire in no time.

Just because its getting colder out doesn’t mean you have to stop the heat from your sex life! Go grab your boy and start warming up.

If there’s one thing I already knew, it’s that when you’re the poor, unpopular kid on the Upper East Side, your life will be a continuous cycle of being walked over, speaking your mind, putting your foot in your mouth, and then being magically forgiven and allowed to advance to the next round.

Did you miss last night’s episode? Let me fill you in.

Within the first minute of GG, Nate mentions the inevitable party that will tangle everyone up in some drama that will continue to be played out next week.

Other expected GG staples: Catherine and Nate talk money; Serena and Dan are together but have issues (did I miss them deciding to be a “secret” couple?); and Jenny has some great ideas for her fashion internship, but she’s a lowly intern and isn’t allowed to have opinions.

The best thing about the first half? The mini gossip girls who approach Dan and throw in their two cents. If you missed it, two tweeny-bopping brunettes are on Dan’s side, and one tweeny-bopping blond is on team S. The blond asks Serena how she can kiss Dan, knowing his tongue has been in Georgina’s mouth, which seems a bit much when you consider the girs were, what, 11? The tweensters were obviously comic relief, but for some reason their opinions caused an awkward rift between S and Lonely Boy…which I was over by the next commercial.

The real hotness revolves around Chuck and Blair for the third consecutive week. Chuck, like most high school boys, has a string of call girls filing in and out of his room, but can’t seem to perform. Dr. Ruth–I mean, Serena–suggests it’s because all he really cares about is B., which prompts Chuck to seek out a tryst with Blair so he can use her as “sexual Drain-o” to unclog his pipes.

At the party, Chuck and Blair have their weekly sexual-tension infused interaction, which started out pretty hot, but then got a little creepy…but still pretty hot. (Editor’s Note: SO hot.) Here’s another question: why can’t Blair, last season’s token virgin, suddenly go without sex? I mean, she was with Nate since freaking kindergarten and kept her chastity belt on, but now she’s like a dog in heat around Marcus. Which, of course, our favorite Duchess, Catherine, can smell immediately.

Now, it’s time to learn our life lessons from the crew. Nate really likes Vanessa, but Vanessa discovers his affair with Catherine. Dear Nate, when someone you like asks you if you are sleeping with a cougar, don’t justify it with, “She’s giving me money.” Horny Blair invites Marcus upstairs, only to finally lock lips with Chuck. Dear Blair, when your boyfriend walks in on you making out with someone else, the excuse, “I thought he was you,” won’t fly.

Of course, this is Gossip Girl world, so Vanessa likes Nate even more, and Marcus is finally ready to nail Blair.

Oh, in the meantime, Jenny got fired by Mrs. Waldorf, then rehired. Because that’s what Jenny does. And Serena and Dan broke up, but they really still love each other. Because that’s what Serena and Dan do. And Catherine “doesn’t like to share her toys. Especially when she’s paid for them.” So she blackmails Vanessa to leave Nate alone. Because that’s what rich, horny cougars who get to ride Chace Crawford do.

Gossip Girl. Everything you missed in high school, wrapped into 42 minutes of Monday night television. I love it.

Mmmmm.

But this is GG, people. Chace Crawford sexcapades can hardly satisfy our thirst for smut clothed in Prada. Cut to Chuck, chardonnay in hand, on a beach with one…two…three insanely hot girls. Oh, Chuck Bass. You are what every sixteen-year-old boy should aspire to be before graduating high school.

First shocker of the episode: GG informs us that “Lonely Boy” Dan isn’t so lonely after all. It seems he has a new chick — wait, maybe two new girls? Can you spell R-E-B-O-U-N-D?

Of course, before our first commercial break, we need a love triangle, and some legit dramz. Send Chuck to meet Blair, looking sweet and dapper with roses in hand. Insert random new man (James), let Blair make steamy eye contact with Chuck and then shove her tongue down new guy’s throat. This is how it goes down for high schoolers in the Hamptons.

It’s game, set, match for Blair when she enjoys dinner with both James and Chuck, yet she still feels the need to run after Chuck when he storms away from the table with his tail between his legs. WTF Blair? We know you don’t feel the same way for James as you did for Nate. Otherwise you wouldn’t be chasing Chuck. Alas, poor Chuck, who used to be made of steel, turns on the waterworks again, just in time for another gratuitous Chace Crawford shot — hottie Nate running down the street in his underwear after his new lover’s husband comes home early from work.

The GG writers get to show off their wit as Blair vents to Serena. Line of the night: “Damn that mother-Chuck-er!.” No wait, Blair can top herself: “All I could see is that Chuck Bass-tard.” Oh, B. You’re killing me. Just hop in a limo and ride the boy for heaven’s sake. Or is that, like a pair of leggings, too last season?

Just before commercial break number three, everyone gets set up with their dates for this episode’s party, a shameless product placement in the form of the “Vitamin Water White Party.” The party scenes, of course, begin with a montage of beautiful people in white bikinis (drinking Vitamin Water), and an array of awkward looks (and Vitamin Water) as tension brews between Jenny and her bitch of a boss and Nate and his married mistress (who all drink Vitamin Water). Of course, if looks could kill, the death row sentence would be awarded to Chuck for his staredown of Blair and James.

But is Gossip Girl really becoming the Waldorf Show? In order to save the best juice for the last few minutes, it’s time to bring Dan back into the picture.

Until he showed up at S’s granny’s doorstep, I’d somewhat forgotten that Grandma Van der Woodsen used to have it out for Lonely Boy. Did anyone else’s jaw drop when Granny invited Dan to the party as her date? It’s too bad that Blake Lively looks absolutely gorgeous in her party ensemble, and that she and Chace Crawford would make the most beautiful babies, because I was rooting for some Serena/Nate action… until I remembered Dan, who happened to arrive just in time to see Serena fake-make-out with Nate. Dammit, Dan.

Typical Dan calls Serena out for her drama, only to have his two ladies from the opening credits show up and throw colorful martinis on his white suit. Could’ve seen that one coming. Yet, finding out that Dan is both hypocritical and some kind of playboy makes Serena want to rekindle the old flame. As Gossip Girl says, “When words get in the way, there’s only one thing to do…”

“MAKE OUT!” screamed my roommates and me, in unison. This late in the episode, and the only non-GG watcher in the room has to ask, “Are these people supposed to be in high school?” Um, yeah, don’t all high schoolers drink their faces off, have affairs with married women, and hump like gorillas on Versace sheets?

But back to the main event: Blair and Chucky. Obviously, Blair’s game of chess has to explode in her face, as James realizes he’s her pawn. But he can’t just leave after one episode! James makes his “big confession,” the one Chuck needed a PI to uncover. Drum roll, please….

He’s really Marcus Beaton, he’s British, and a lord. And he likes that Blair dissed him and called him boring. I could see a little S and M working it’s way into this relationship.

Well, if Chuck thought he’d uncover some dirt on James/Marcus, he was wrong. And he knows now that he doesn’t have sh*t on a British Lord. So he gives in, but not before he begs Blair not to leave with him. Blair makes the final offer: give her three words and eight letters (“I love you,” for those of you that missed it). And Chuck drops the ball.

What the Chuck?

Chuck and Blair have totally stolen the spotlight for this whole episode, and it seems the writers had a couple of minutes to spare at the end, so they give us Serena and Dan. On a beach. With a bonfire. And freaking fireworks start going off. Barf.

A lot of recapping of last season tonight, a few twists and turns, and a lot of potential drama set-ups for the rest of the season. But with the Chace Crawford hot-bod-shot count already climbing, I can tell that it’s going to be a great season.