OMG. Oh. My. God.

What a freaking series finale that was!

I apologize if this recap is less than stellar, but I could barely get out of bed this morning after laying awake for most of the night trying to figure out what was real on the past 6 seasons of The Hills and what was shot at a soundstage in Los Angeles.

Anyone else see that one coming? I know I didn’t. I spent the entire episode scribbling notes about the forced endings for all of the characters, Brody’s horrible attempt at tears at Kristin’s goodbye party, and questioning the whole “Kristin is moving to Europe” plotline when we all know she’s still trolling L.A. in a bikini and heels.

But then, BAM, Kristin’s Town Car pulls away and we watch as the backdrop behind sad Brody gets pulled away to reveal a set and a crew. I screamed – like actually screamed – then paused my DVR to digest what just happened. Read More »

It’s the end of an era. After 6 seasons of fake drama, long and uncomfortable staring, and fights over cocktails that no one seems to pay for, The Hills is coming to an end tonight. There are many rumors surrounding tonight’s one-hour episode, like whether Speidi will make an appearance, if LC will show up and if Audrina and JB will get back together. I don’t know what is going to happen but after watching 101 episodes of the show, I know one thing for sure: nothing is really going to happen at all.

Still, just knowing that the final episode of The Hills is a mere 6 hours away has me all torn up inside. It’s like saying goodbye to your best friends on the last day of sleep away camp. Or packing up at the end of freshman year. I’m sad.  I’ve known The Hills kids for longer than some of my friends. We’ve been through so much together, from LC and Jason’s epic break-up to Whitney’s departure to New York to the crash and burning of Lauren and Heidi’s relationship. And now, after 40 minutes of “drama”, 20 minutes of commercials, and an aftershow with those two really annoying MTV people, it’s just going to end. And I’ll be left with nothing but a gaping hole in my heart and nothing to watch on Tuesday nights.

The only thing getting me through this time of heartache and pain is the hope that, in true MTV fashion, one or more of our favorite Hills cast members will get a spin-off. And if that’s the case, I have an idea of what those shows will be: Read More »

"Let's go to this relaxing yoga class and disrupt everyone while we gossip in Downward Dog!"

With the series finale of The Hills coming up next week (moment of silence….) it seems the producers tried to pack as much as they could into last night’s episode. For the first time in history we only got one long stare (between Stephanie and her motorcycle man)! But that might have something to do with the fact that Audrina was M.I.A. And besides the gratuitous 30 seconds of booty shots before the crew walked into the club, most of the episode was actually things happening:

Stephanie Meets a Boy
And despite Brody’s attempts to scare him off, her weirdly giant hair on their date, and the fact that she can’t drink, he actually likes her! I still don’t understand what the big deal is about ordering soda on a date – both of them mentioned feeling weird about it – but whatever. Steph has her own sorta-Justin Bobby now so yay for her.

Mama Montag Comes to Town
And Holly puts on all the makeup she has on her vanity to welcome her. Seriously, she looked like a Geisha. I was sorta hoping we’d see Mama bang on Heidi’s door and then get dragged away by the cops as Spencer threw crystals at her, but all I got was a little crying over brunch. There’s always next week, right? RIGHT?! Read More »

"You're so funny, Will. And cute. Did you hear that, BRODY?!"

Have you ever tried eating animal crackers while watching The Hills? I have…out of a Costco basin…. and those little guys are so crunchy I couldn’t hear a thing. I can’t tell you how many times I had to rewind the show so I didn’t miss anything important. Which, as it turns out, was a total waste of time once I actually listened to what was going on:

“Justin just grabbed my ass. Both cheeks.” – Audrina

“Brody was so mean last night.” – Stacey
“Who does he think he is?” – Kristin
“He’s such a jerk” – Stacey
“I know.” – Kristin

“Whatever it is it is; whatever it will be it will be.” – Faux-losipher Justin

But the monumental 100^th episode of The Hills wasn’t all dumb comments mumbled by pretty people/me thinking about the 50+ hours I’ve wasted in my life watching this show. Things actually happened! Frankie wore a Speedo and Aquasocks! Audrina wore an itsy, bitsy bikini on a surf board! Stephanie Pratt was slightly hilarious! Read More »

One of my biggest issues with The Hills is that all these kids have a ton of money and do nothing all day. Wait, that’s not where I meant to go with this. I mean, yes, that is a big issue, but not my point. My other biggest issue with The Hills is that the producers make ridiculous things happen and never really fully develop them. Fine, MTV, you don’t want to explain how Kristin became BFFs with the bartender Spencer was flirting with 2 seasons ago? Whatever. And OK, I’ll buy that Kristin and the rest of the girls are fine and that her really big, really serious coke problem just sorta went away. Much like Holly Montag’s drinking problem.

But don’t bring Justin Bobby in all his greasy glory back into the picture and just gloss over his past with Kristin. THAT I WILL NOT STAND FOR, MTV.

I know it’s making for a much bigger scandal to shove stinky JB between Audrina and her cartoon character boyfriend, Ryan Cabrera. I know that Audrina and Justin Bobbo have a more complicated past than he did with Kristin. I know that it only makes sense to stir the pot with Audrina because she’s dumb enough to go back to the guy who broke her heart a thousand times…and also wears combat boots to the beach. Read More »

So this is awesome.

On Sunday night while the rest of the world (or at least those of us with a baby crush on Aziz Ansari) was sitting at home watching the MTV Movie Awards, I was there. On the red carpet. Trying to get Jason Segel to take advantage of me interview all the cool celebs as they made their way into the big show. And besides the extremely hot temperature of L.A. on a June afternoon, it was pretty effing rad.

All your favorite stars were there: Snooki (sans poof!), LiLo (in a sequined pants-suit-jumper–whaaat?), Paul Rudd (sigh), and Snoop (who loved CollegeCandy – obvi). There was also tons of media, tons of people who try to act important but really aren’t (Stephanie Pratt, I’m looking at you!) and there were lots of girls who really, really could use a cookie (and not the vegan kind that are abundant in LA. I’m talking the really large, frosted, full of trans-fat crap kind of cookie that will help said girls look more like a bootylicious babe and less like those emaciated kids you see on TV that you can help save for a mere $1 a day.) Boys were rocking skinnier jeans than any pair in my closet, girls were wearing dresses so short I became convinced Britney made it cool for L.A. girls to flash their bits. Read More »

OK. One question: where were Spencer and Heidi on last night’s episode of The Hills? I kept waiting for them to show up at the bar, sit down with Stephanie and Lo on their double date, and pop out of the couch cushions with some healing crystals when Kristin and Brody duked it out. But they were nowhere to be found.

Did they roadtrip to Mexico to get Heidi bigger boobs?
Go on a retreat where they sacrificed baby goats in the name of their new cult leader?
Kidnap Enzo and hide out in their house until Us Weekly promised them another cover?

The show just wasn’t the same without them. Sure, watching Kristin fail miserably at this whole “I’m really cool and I totally don’t want a relationship with Brody” facade was fun to watch, but it would have been way better if Spencer was there to slam some doors and perform healing breathing exercises. And watching Heidi try to emote would have been far more entertaining than watching Brody stir up the drama pot by throwing his new chicadee (a brunette LC look-alike) into a boiling pool of bitch. Read More »

Nothing can turn a confident girl into a insecure mess faster than bathing suit season. Suddenly every mirror you look into turns into a fun house mirror of horrors. When did your stomach get so flabby and when did your skin turn translucent?

But don’t throw on your beach burqa quite yet. No matter how bad you think you look in that bikini (and it’s all in your head, obvi), these celebrities look a thousand times worse. Yes, even the sexiest of the sexy fall victim to the bikini.

[Click thumbnails to see the full hot mess image.]

Read More »

After a four-mile walk and a giant falafel sandwich (thus negating said four-mile walk), I grabbed my laptop and settled in on my couch for another riveting episode of The Hills. Like every time the show is on, I took notes on the ridiculous things that were happening so I could write this very recap.

But when the 30 minutes were up, I was speechless. There were so many questions left unanswered that I didn’t know what to write. I stayed up all night tossing and turning, thinking about Brody’s past with Ryan Cabrera and Stacy’s return to her bartending gig. I woke up this morning hoping for clarity and calm, but found none.

“If only I had Spencer’s crystals,” I thought to myself.

Unfortunately, I do not. Instead, all I have is ten pressing unanswered questions. Read More »

It all started in the whimsical land of Laguna Beach, where dreams and drama were born (if dreams included watching Steven juggle between Lauren and Kristen, and drama included which beach party to attend). Then the Laguna locals have moved to bigger boobs and better things, in Hollywood.  And now ‘The Hills’ begins it’s 7th and final run on Tuesday. Hold your caps folks, it’s going to be a wild ride! Kristen might get those star tattoos on her foot this time! Are you excited?!?

I am.

But besides the drama-jacked “reality,” there may be more to take from the extensions and unnaturally lit dinners than we think. I think it is important to learn from everything in life, even mistakes. And DVRing ‘The Hills’ is definitely a mistake…. that I keep on making. So in honor of our favorite guilty pleasure’s final season, the life lessons I took from ‘The Hills’: Read More »