You don’t have to fill a plastic pumpkin with candy corn to make the most out of fall’s best holiday. Even if the pumpkins are the best. things. on. earth. Halloween comes chock full of goodies, many of which won’t send you into a diabetic coma or give you a muffin top in your cheap vinyl pirate hooker costume. We’re less than two weeks away from Halloween, and I know I’m looking forward to way better treats than fun-sized Milky Way bars.

1. Horror Movie Overload

As a horror movie fanatic, this is my favorite time of the cable television year. On any given day of the week, you’ll find yourself choosing between installments of Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm Street. Scour the TV Guide, and you’ll probably also find lesser-known thrillers like The People Under the Stairs, or a wide selection of Steven King novel-turned-creepy-classics.

This is also the time of year for new horror flicks to hit the cinemas. I’m tempted to shell out $10 for Saw V, which hits theaters October 24. I also have to admit I’m tempted to check out The Haunting of Molly Hartley, which comes out on Halloween, and not just because of Chace Crawford.

2. The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Special

Can you believe that this year’s Simpsons Halloween Special will be number 19?!? Though we have to wait until November 2 to see ToH XIX, you can bet the other 18 episodes will be running in syndication every weeknight for the next couple of weeks. This year’s episode will supposedly feature spoofs of Transformers and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (another Halloween treat that deserves an honorable mention on this list). The opening credits are also rumored to have strong political ties, but I’d rather not spoil the surprise. If the blood and gore of horror flicks gross you out, you can still appreciate the hilarious parodies that The Simpsons bring us every year. Read More »

If you’re a fan of scary movies, you may be hard pressed to choose your favorite. But oh. my. lord; the worst scary movies of all time have turned into jokey, pop culture icons.

The trailers of these films look promising, and then the movies crash and burn. Big time. And they become the laughingstock of twelve year old kids everywhere who thought they were being daring by watching that movie that mommy and daddy told them not to.

But, wait. That movie was a joke.

In the spirit of Halloween, my friends and I were recently trying to list the best scary movies of all time, but in doing so, we ended up creating a list of the 5 worst. It seems like those were easier to come up with because usually there’s no argument; they are unanimously bad. These movies don’t send chills down your spine or make you jump when someone comes up behind you. These not-so-scary movies make you laugh. Hard.

In no particular order: Read More »

During a conversation with the roommate about The Labyrinth, one of my most favorite movies ever, I realized that even though I think it’s amazingly fantastic now (David Bowie in riding pants singing with a bunch of puppets? I would like to kiss the person who thought that scene up!), it scared the bejezus out of me when I was younger.

I’m not sure how and when I first saw it, but I distinctly remember walking by the VHS whenever my mom would bring me to the movie store, trying to figure out if the person on the box was a man or a woman. Just looking at the cover gave me a strange feeling, but once I was actually exposed to the film, it’s weirdness was too much for my young mind—and made me cry. Why was this man—who wore make-up—trying to get this obviously much younger girl to marry him? Why were those furry red guys taking off their heads?! And how could I be sure those goblins wouldn’t appear in MY room after the movie ended??!

The 80’s was full of many things; horrendous fashion choices, yuppies, economical excess, but the only thing I truly remember from that era were kiddie films that scared the living shit out of me. Here’s a list of some of those movies. Let me know if you’re currently talking about them in therapy as well.

• Moonwalker – this isn’t really a movie as much as it is a Michael Jackson fest (which some people would think is scary enough), but there’s this movie-like part where he’s being chased by some bad men and trying to save some kids at the same time. I don’t know. It made me feel strange. Really strange.

• The Dark Crystal – Jim Henson must have been doing more than just weed to come up with this story. To this day I have a hard time watching clips on YouTube. It’s just so dark and creepy and full of weird looking muppet monsters (some of whom die. Hello. I’m 7 years old. I’m not ready to deal with my mortality.)…I mean, how are you supposed to react when even the good guys look that things that could live in your closet? Read More »