Help me, Steve!

I’m addicted to reality dating shows.  I’ve watched them all and thoroughly enjoy watching fake, trashy, scripted romances bloom.  I mean, if rapping about endangered animals doesn’t prove your love, I don’t know what does.

So when Tough Love premiered last year, I was expecting the same scripted crap.  I thought it would be humorous, something I could watch for hours on a hungover Saturday, but not anything that average girls could relate to.  But even though the girls were all above-average in looks, I was thoroughly impressed with VH1’s latest bold new show. Tough Love was finally a show that NORMAL and REAL girls could relate to! Shocking, I know. Each week, my roommates and I tuned in to watch Sexy Steve and listen to his advice for these single ladies.  To say I was addicted to this show was an understatement; I literally dreamed of having Steve (come to my house naked and) tell me why I was still single.  So when they announced a second season I excitedly hopped online and downloaded the application in record speed.

The first question was simple: “Why do you think you are still single?” Easy enough, right? Wrong. I didn’t fit any of the molds: I’m not too old (at least I hope), I’m not a gold digger, I’m not addicted to my career. Even my friends couldn’t help me come up with an answer. The only solid answer I could come up with was, “The boys I crush on don’t like me, and vice versa.” 

I was crushed. And not only because I knew I would never actually meet Steve. It was just really hard to look inward and not be able to identify a facet of my personality or myself in general that was preventing me from finding love. How can I know what to work on if I have no idea what I’m doing wrong? And if I can’t work on anything, how will my current single status ever change?

I’ve heard the saying that true love comes when you are not expecting it, but after spending three and a half single years in college not expecting anything but a few drunk boys inviting me back to their smelly rooms, I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong.  I feel like I’ve put in my time and experienced every guy out there: the creeper, the  I’m-just-not-that-into-you, the can-you-smell-my-desperation, and so on.  And now, with more and more of my single friends pairing off I’m left here alone, staring at an application for a VH1 reality show wondering why I’m still single and ready to mingle.

What am I doing wrong?

P.S. Steve, if you’re out there, please sign me up for your boot camp.  I’ll pay.

And suck up for better presents come Hanukkah.

But really; it’s important to stop and show gratitude for all of the things we typically take for granted. Like my new niece; yes, even though she peed on me last weekend, I am thankful to have her in my life. Or the fact that I not only still have a job, but I have a great job (and a liquor store right next to my office!). Or my incredible friends who support me and laugh at my jokes… even when we all know they’re not funny.

Gosh, when I stop to think about it, there are just so many things I am thankful for. Maybe I should really show some gratitude year round….

But anyways, being that we’re really freaking close to Thanksgiving dinner (stuffing!!!), I thought I’d ask the CollegeCandy writers to share what they’re thankful for this year. (Apparently everyone’s giving thanks for their boyfriends… whereas I’m giving thanks that I don’t have one so I can eat as much pumpkin pie I want on Thursday night…)

Ricki – University of Michigan: I am thankful for the fact that my mother has agreed to take me around on Black Friday for the first time in 20 years.

Carly – Grinnell: It stays the same every year because it’s that important: I’m most thankful for my family and my boyfriend. They make me happy all the time.

Charlsie -Hollins University: I am thankful for having the world’s best boyfriend.

Melanie – Northeastern University: I’m thankful for my job, my guy, my family and, of course, Svedka.

Zahra – Northwestern University: I’m thankful that thanks to all the walking I do at school, I’ve pretty much stayed in shape. It gives me an excuse to go all out on Thanksgiving

Jasmin – University of Missouri: I’m thankful that me and my BF got back together, or else I would’ve needed to apply for the single girl blog.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Obvi I’m thankful for my friends and family, but what I’m really thankfulling for right now are the dark chocolate covered pretzels from Trader Joes. Those guys have been there for me in my good times and bad and I can’t thank them enough.

Samantha – UCSB: Among many MANY things, I am thankful for my two best girlfriends. We’re always on the same page, there for each other, and laughing our assess off. I’ve never had so much fun, or been happier at college, since meeting these two sweeties. Love you girls!

Katie – Michigan State University: DECEMBER GRADUATIONNNNN!!! Don’t get me wrong, I love being in college, but 4.5 years later and I’m about ready to blow this popsicle stand.  Like now.

Norah – Drake University: I’m thankful that I have the chance to take a much-needed break from my schoolwork and endless meetings, even if only for a few days. All that’s on my schedule while I’m home is eating lots of turkey and picking out a Christmas tree with my family.

Thu – USC: The good times I’ve had with my friends.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’m thankful for my new fiance and the pretty, shiny, sparkly thing on my finger!

Nina – Michigan State University: My family!  We might be too loud, a bit spoiled, drink too much, and almost too involved in each other’s lives. But when I need sound advice, good company, or comic relief, I know they will always be there, and not everyone has this amazing support system I have taken for granted my entire life.

Erica – Kent State University:  All the advice that sexy man Steve Ward dishes on “Tough Love” on VH1.  Seriously…I need to be on that show.

Elise – Stanford: I’m most thankful for my amazing group of friends in college — and their company during THE GAME LAST WEEKEND when Stanford CRUSHED USC 55-21.

Alex – Lakehead University: I’m thankful for my boyfriend. I know, cheesy and cliche, but SO TRUE!

What are you thankful for this year?

Don’t get me wrong; I love Tough Love. Well, the show. I’m not quite sure I could handle someone pointing out my major flaws on national television (though I did attempt to audition for the next season…). Anyways, I think Steve Ward is great and knows his sh*t (and looks great in a pair of jeans) and really helped those women learn how to love themselves and be loved.

But don’t you think dating would be so much easier if we could all get some video feedback from the guys that we like? Wouldn’t it be magical if we didn’t have to spend hours decoding the emails/texts from the boys to figure out what they really mean? Maybe the fact that all those wonderful relationships blossomed in this fantasy land where the women knew exactly what their guys were thinking contributed to the fact that not one of them worked out in the real world…

But let’s take a step back and talk about the season finale!

There are only 6 girls left in boot camp and Steve decides to send them on overnight getaways. With boys. And they have to invite them. Most girls know who they are going to invite, but our drunk friend Natasha has no one to call. I thought for a moment that maybe she would luck out and get to take Steve on an overnight romantic getaway, but no – he set her up with someone else.

Taylor decided not to take the trip at all and to leave boot camp with a new love: herself. Awwww. Hopefully all that self love will translate into a new wardrobe that doesn’t consist of leopard dresses or turquoise bedazzled stilettos. What? I think I would love myself more if I wasn’t dressed like a tranny…

The rest of the girls take off on their adventures. All of the trips were super romantic, which left me feeling very uncomfortable watching. There were so many intimate moments that should be left to the lovebirds and the lovebirds only – like Abiola’s foot massage and Jessa’s hot tub experience – and I felt like a guy with a mustache and a white van peeping in through the window.

Or when Jody and Shane started making out on the strip and she basically ate his face. Awk.

When the girls finish their dream dates, they return to the mansion to say their goodbyes to Steve-o. He puts them all in the hot seat to talk about their experiences, but he did do a little grillin’ with Jacklyn and her love triangle. Now, I’ll never understand Jacklyn. I’ll never get why guys like such a moron, why she lines her eyes like that, or why she would ever (ever, ever, ever) choose anyone over Brock. Did you see that bangin’ body?

Steve tried to get her to choose the right guy and she made a pretty good case for herself that she would, but homegirl gets off the plane and takes the ring from her scrawny Southern ex. And loses Brock. She learned nothing from Steve and really was only obsessed with getting married – even to someone who said such hurtful things to her. I don’t know why she spent the entire dinner party last week explaining to her ex why he wasn’t right for her only to go back to him, but it doesn’t matter now. She made a crappy decision, and now Brock is out there for the taking.

Along with the rest of the Boot Camp Boys. Not one of those relationships panned out which means only one thing. No, not that Steve’s approach doesn’t work. It means that a trip to L.A. is in order.

I don’t really need Steve’s Tough Love; I just need all those leftovers.

I think last night might have been the best episode of Tough Love yet. In fact, I’m ready to say it might be some of the best TV I’ve seen since Bromance (but then again, I clearly have no standards). Watching that episode sent me on a roller coaster of emotion and since the shades on my window were open and the people across the street can see into my place, they would have seen this:

Me laughing.
Me staring at the screen in shock.
Me laughing really loud (this is probably when Taylor was talking; that bitch is funny).
Me eating snacks.
Me plucking my eyebrows during the commercials.
Me picking my jaw up off the floor.
Me screaming at the TV.

Steve’s idea to bring the girls’ past and present together into one seriously awkward dinner party was deliciously brilliant. Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted to be a part of that, but it was pretty awesome to watch. Especially a few select ladies:

Natasha: I always found this girl to be incredibly boring. She was what I like to refer to as “tofu,” because she has no flavor of her own and only picks up the flavors around her. Last night, though, I learned that the girl has some major flava…and she probably tastes like whiskey.

Natasha did what any shy, uncomfortable girl would do when she’s faced with her immature Indian ex boyfriend and a perfectly nice pretty boy in one place: she hit the bar. Hard. And then she not only embarrassed herself, but she called the guy a d-bag on national television. I felt for her – we’ve all dealt with awkward situations by getting completely sh*t-faced – but watching her left me feeling so uncomfortable. Sorta like watching Meet The Parents. Or a train-wreck.

Jacklyn: So her Texas ex and her California stud muffin are in the same place. And then Jodi gets involved and starts trying to “fix” things. Awkward? Yes. Do I feel bad? I’ll put it this way: No.

That girl gets to make out in a hot tub with the hottest guy ever and I get to sit home alone on Sunday nights with a bowl of granola and a cup of tea living vicariously through her. I feel bad for me. And I want a Brock of my very own.

Arian: There is so much to say about Arian last night that I really don’t know where to start. Birth would probably be a good place, considering the mother that she comes from. Now, I totally understand a mother siding with her daughter (even when she gets totally wrong information), but calling my boyfriend someone a tool as an adult woman is just despicable. And then laughing about your daughter being a total whore and explaining it as “she’s just like me, she just takes it one step further” totally explains that unstable, insecure and promiscuous daughter you’ve produced.

After watching Arian break down about getting in the hot seat and then throwing her suitcases down the stairs, I’m a little worried about Steve’s safety. Homeboy needs some serious protection (and I’d be happy to assist). But now she’s gone…and probably humping every guy in L.A., so Steve is free to give his attention to drunk Natasha, annoying Jessa, and the rest of the ladies of the house.

So much drama. So much amazingness.
And when did Taylor get so damn lovable? I think I might want her as my new BFF (no offense to my current BFF)!

In an effort to show the ladies of the house that there are some things they do that are just not OK to share (or to take part in at all), Steve set up a game show where he shared the girls’ secrets and asked guys what they thought. Turns out letting your cats choose your BF is weird (no way!), but having a giant tattoo around your vagina is not (huh?).

Now, I get the purpose behind this test, and I agree with the guys for the most part (wearing a tiara in your apartment is indeed weird), but did you see the type of dude making up that audience? It looked like Steve Ward hijacked an L.A. Ink tour bus and dumped them in the “Cute or Crazy” studio. What do these guys really know about women?

After getting torn apart by a group of burly men, the women were set up on dates and given another test: to share a secret. Well, everyone but Jessa, who ended up on a date with Steve (that lucky bitch) strapped to a lie detector test. And, well, I guess she shared a secret, too: that she doesn’t like Steve.

WHAT?!

How can you not like Steve? Because he is calling out all your flaws? Because he sees your issues and wants to bring them out? Because his eyes are so beautiful that they are like deep oceans through which you can see his soul? Because he looks so hot in a suit and tie!?!

WTF is your problem, Jessa? And if you don’t like Steve, then pack up and head home. Make some room for someone who actually wants to be there. I know I wouldn’t mind a little tough love, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Whoa. Sorry about the tangent. Moving on…

As usual, the show ends with group therapy where Steve picked out the best and worst performers of the week. Taylor gets the nod from Steve for acting really mature on her date and not totally walking out on him because he didn’t drive a Maybach. Abiola gets the slap on the wrist for being too picky, but we learn that she’s not picky because she wants perfection – she’s picky because she just wants a reason to push someone away before they push her away.

Can I get an “awwww”? Seriously, how many of us do the same thing? I turned down a guy once because he watched Fox News. Or because he was really effing hot and I thought he’d reject me the minute he saw me out of a dark, smokey bar. I needed a reason to dump him before he could dump me. Now look at me – I spent my Saturday night watching High School Musical. Alone. And crying. The fact it, I totally see a little bit of myself in Abiola (and that is not the part that wears one giant earring/has cats) and I do believe that watching her work with Steve will help me deal with my own issues.

Like the fact that I won’t date a guy who wears Doc Martins…or khakis…or really short finger nails. Ew. I just threw up a little bit.

I really need Steve’s help.
(Call me!)

After last week’s Tough Love ended with a “To Be Continued….” I was counting down the days until I’d get to see it again. So I was mega-excited when I turned on VH1 at the gym yesterday and caught a secret premier of the ep long before its 10 P.M. showtime.

I watched the drama unfold a full 11 hours early and stayed on the elliptical an extra 30 minutes to catch the end. Cha ching!

I realized (after watching the show on a TV that other people could see by simply walking behind me) that this show is ridiculous and sorta trashy, but I am really obsessed with it. And is it so bad to learn a thing or two from a reality show? I’m still single – maybe Steve can clue me in as to why!

Anyways, here’s what happened. Well, at least the important stuff:

First, Jody’s man comes over and proves that all it takes is a box of sweets and a few flowers to get back into the good graces of a woman. Especially a woman who, according to society, is too old to be single. Do I think they are a cute couple? Sure? Do I think that Jody should have forgiven him? Sure? But were cupcakes the way to go? Hmmm…how about diamonds?

Then there is Stasha and her big secret: she’s in love with someone else…and it’s that dude from American Idol. Um, seriously? I’m sure he’s a great guy, but did anyone ever think there was more than one dude out there with that haircut? The likeness is uncanny..and that beast of a woman is totally gonna chew that guy (tattoos and black nail polish and all) up and spit him out.

Taylor proves once again that she’s a gold digger when she goes for the old rich guy at the weekly singles event instead of the super hot athlete Steve matched her up with. Hottie Steve has a lot of teaching to do with that one, but perhaps I could teach her one very important lesson: big hoop earrings and a sparkly headband to not mix. Also, less is more, homegirl, so lay off the eyeliner.

Finally, and most trashily, we have Arian. As you probably remember from the 76 flashbacks from last week, Steve told her to stop being slutty or she may end up in some serious trouble. She broke a bunch of stuff and threatened to storm out, but she didn’t get very far. So, Steve and his mom sat down with Arian (and her giant breasts) and had a love-tervention. (That’s a love intervention…I really like putting words together: mantuation = man situation, frani = french manicure…)

"I don't like myself, so I buy shirts that won't button over my boobs."

Arian really seemed open to what these love experts had to say (which was, in a nutshell, stop being such a whore), but that went out the window as soon as she was around a guy again. The girl basically effed him on the pool table, in the hot tub, and then again in her bed. It’s obvious and sad that she doesn’t think anyone would like her for anything but her abilities in the bedroom, but I’m beginning to think maybe that’s all she has to offer anyway.

I think Steve has the mad skillz to find a guy for all of these girls (I mean, he even found someone for boring Natasha)…I just wonder if he’ll be able to do it for little Miss Slutty.

What do you think?

It was Sunday night, which meant a spread of Diet Root Beer, a chopped green apple, a turkey sandwich and my TV tuned to VH1′s Tough Love. Heaven.

Last night we saw Steve challenge the girls to be low maintenance. According to him, if these women want to snag a man, they’ll need to prove they can hang with the boys and not worry about breaking a nail or looking less than picture perfect. I totally get that – whiney girls are unattractive to everyone…even me – but this specific challenge did seem a bit much for me. Why do the girls have to do all the changing? Why can’t guys just accept the delicate flower that is their manicure-loving lady?

Anyways, during a pick-up game of football with some random bachelors, Taylor (Gold Digger) left me with my jaw on the floor…but for doing something good! Girl was throwing caution to the wind and actually enjoying herself. A girl who can rough it up in the mud with boys while wearing pajamas and a “wet hat” is A-OK in my book. And that’s most likely the kind of chick a guy would enjoy spending time with. Especially since she didn’t stop running the ball just to ask some guy how much money he made.

Then the girls went out on some dates. After being on a “You Go Girl!” high from Taylor’s enviable self-assurance on the football field, my positive outlook was deflated once Arian sat down with her man. It took only moments before she was comparing herself to a prostitute, saying it’s okay to be called crazy as long as your boobs are huge and bragging about her “oral talents.” Her date was obviously uncomfortable and didn’t know how to react. Right there, I lost all respect for Arian. But, at this point, I doubt she even cares if anyone respects her. She may as well just wear a sign that says, “All I Have To Offer Is My Body…and Some Mad Skillz in Bed.”

Does she really think that rubbing some random guy’s thigh and telling him he’s gonna get laid (if he gives her $5) is going to help her find real love? It’s sad and embarrassing and hard to watch. This girl needs to find some love for herself before she can ever find someone else to love her because she’s making it mighty hard for anyone to care.

And then there was Jody. Things had been going well for her and her date since their liplock last week and I figured it would continue to move forward. However, Jody’s insecurities came out in a cigarette-craving rage last night when she grossly misinterpreted an innocent question from her date. Meant as a compliment, her date wondered why she was single because she just seems too good to be true. Jody’s hangups replaced her logic and instead of feeling flattered that he thought she was a rare find, she took his comment as “You’re single, so there must be something wrong with you.” And she. went. nuts.

My confusion must be the same kind of flabbergastedness that men feel when women fly off the handle at the tiniest thing. I’m noticing that watching these women is like stepping back from the bigger picture and being able to see things from a man’s persepctive. A guy says, “You look nice,” and we think, “Just nice? Why not amazing? Is it my outfit? Maybe he doesn’t like me.” We let our insecurities read too deep into what men do and say, and that’s where miscommunication and hurt feelings come from. You know, men are actually pretty simple to read. They say what they mean and that’s that.

During the therapy session, Steve called Arian out and actually verbalized what I had been thinking; with the way Arian acts, she is putting herself at risk to be physically taken advantage of or contracting an STD. I’m definitely not saying that Arian deserves this Fortune Cookie of Tough Love, but it is the reality of her future if she doesn’t make a change. I get an image of her at a Frat party, drink in hand and tossing out big boob jokes while sloppily laying across a guy’s lap. Next thing you know, the guy could easily restrain her and do so many unthinkable things.

She needs to learn to respect herself, make safe decisions and realize that her behavior could potentially put her in danger.

Next week’s episode looks to be the juciest one yet! Especially because tonight’s episode concluded with the ever-enticing “To Be Continued…” credit. So, was anyone else as appalled at Arian like I was? Has Taylor finally charmed her way into your heart like she has with me?

Following in the footsteps of VH1′s The Pick Up Artist, comes a similar You-Suck-At-Dating-So-Let’s-Fix-Your-Flaws-Before-You-Start-Throwing-Birthday-Parties-For-Your-Cats show. This time, we watch as GIRLS get some harsh reality about what we do that turn off the MEN. Hosted by the ever beautiful and brutally honest Steve Ward, a master matchmaker and easy-on-the-eyes male, this show follows eight single ladies looking for love as they journey through a “Tough Love Boot Camp.”

Each episode will revolve around one theme and include a Dating 101 class, a field exercise (a date!), and end with a group therapy session where one girl is chosen for doing the worst. Unlike The Pick Up Artist, nobody gets booted off, but the worst contestant will get an embarrassing critique during therapy. This is good news for us viewers because we get to learn some lessons along with the girls (finally, a reality show that’s actually useful!), but thankfully don’t have to do it on national TV!

With issues ranging from trust, intimacy, communication, ex-boyfriends, and the infamous text-aholism, Steve works with these ladies to break their bad habits in hopes of finding The One. Each girl has a classic case of Chase-A-Guy-Away-itis and is nicknamed for their main issue. I’m sure we can all find one girl we relate to the most, so I challenge you to follow your sistah’s progress. Learn some lessons along with your favorite gal and root for her to find love. So, which girl are you?

Abiola (Miss Picky) – The self-proclaimed Princess whose standards are so high that she critiques guys based on a 10 point scale. Props to her for being an independant diva, but will she learn to give guys a chance or continue to write them off before even learning their last name?

Arian (Miss Party Girl) – A former stripper and hardcore partier who dates by a “two week” rule, this chica is dealing with some daddy issues. Claiming that all men are unfaithful, she protects herself by immediately airing her dirty laundry in hopes that a guy will stay with her despite her flaws. Her penchant for TMI and overly-sexual nature keeps decent guys at arms length.

Jacklyn (Miss Wedding Obsessed) – This 23 year old, small-town, wannabe bride is terrified that her “clock is ticking” and hopes to be married by 25. Having already chosen her wedding dress, centerpieces, invitations and photographer, this commitment-minded Southern Belle scares guys off like Jennifer Aniston!

Jessa (Miss Too Much Too Soon) – This insecure textaholic smothers guys with her obsessive nature. Taking pics of them in their sleep, over-analyzing every word and stalking their Facebooks have the men running for the hills. Will she take Steve’s advice and finally learn how to enjoy the moment?

Jody (Miss Lone Ranger) – This 30 year old has found total success in the workplace, but has no one at home to share it with. Too much focus on work and no play has left this hard worker alone and lonely. Although a wonderful role model for goal-oriented girls, can she stop obsessing about work and make time for a real relationship?

Natasha (Miss Fixing The Wrong Guys) – Suffering from the Nurse Curse, she is attracted to men with issues and hopes to be the one girl who can change him for the better. Being too nice and caring, she allows these hot messes to walk all over her.

Stasha (Miss Ball Buster) – This former Playmate’s alpha female attitude and constant bragging intimidates every single guy she meets. Her harsh, critical and upfront demeanor are her way of putting up walls to keep out “losers.” Can this self-proclaimed “sheep in wolves clothing” let down her guard and let in her match?

Taylor (Miss Gold Digger) – A get-what-I-want Daddy’s girl, this unapologetic bitch won’t settle for anything less than “the finer things in life.” Claiming that guys are intimidated by her looks and the attention she gets, she lets her shallow standards do the talking.

Can you relate to any of these ladies? If not, congratulations, but some of us may still be wondering why we’re single. Though these girls do have great things to offer, their issues are stopping them just short of finding true love. Let’s watch as they break down their walls, correct their mistakes and let Steve use an electrocution device to zap away their bad habits. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride…

(Show airs Sundays at 10PM, so watch and come back Monday morning for a recap!)