"Just five more steps. Just five more steps...."

I would put money on it that every college girl has at least one pair of high heels stuffed into their tiny dorm room closet (or if you’re like me, you have 12 and they are strewn all over your floor where you kicked them off after a long and painful night). They are pretty much a staple of every woman’s wardrobe, especially us college girls who need to look sexy every weekend (isn’t college life so demanding?).

Of course heels are an integral part to every party outfit, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t come with some sacrifices. And while I feel hot when I first slip into those bad boys, halfway through the night (or immediately after I step outside the door) I am seriously rethinking my shoe choice/contemplating using the pointy heel to saw off my baby toes to ease the pain/looking for someone to give me a piggy back ride home.

I love them so much, but I loathe them just the same.
It pretty obvious: I’m torn.

Love Them
Honestly what is hotter than a pair of amazing heels? They instantly take a dress or a pair of jeans from drab to glam, and they send your confidence skyrocketing through the roof of the frat house. Who doesn’t add a little extra sway to their hips when they walk down the street in a pair of metallic gladiator heels? That guy you’ve been giving sex eyes to in class won’t be able to stop sending them right back when you click into the party in those skyscrapers.

Plus, they make your calves look freakin’ amazing. And let’s be honest, a lot of bars and clubs would close that velvet rope faster than you could say “hello, I need a shot” if you showed up in a pair of flats. Yeah they are comfy and much more trendy than ever before, but they’re flats! They just aren’t sexy nightlife attire.

Loathe them
Isn’t it obvious? Those bitches hurt. After about an hour my pinkie toes start to scream. Then I get cramps in my legs. And then I spend the rest of the night switching from foot to foot in attempts to give each one a little break from the pain. And let me tell you: you can’t possibly be on top of your pong game when you are teetering 5 inches above the ground and can’t think of anything but the blister forming on the backs of your heels.

And if that’s not bad enough, the walk home is pure hell, each step feeling like someone is shoving a knife up through my heel. I am reduced to that hobbling, walking-on-coals-while-I-have-something-up-my-ass walk. It’s not pretty. When I slip out of the heels as I stumble in at 4 am (If I haven’t already muttered “screw this” and kicked them off in the stairway), it feels like I am still walking in them….for the next 3 days. The arch of my foot aches, paralyzed in it’s 4 inch stretch, not to mention the Charley Horses that visit my calves and jolt me screaming out of my sleep. And the blisters? Disgusting.

All that pain can’t possibly be good for the future of my feet and I’m starting to wonder if a pretty shoe is worth a really ugly foot down the road.

What do you guys think? Is Saturday night sexiness, worth a week of pain and recovery?

Most guys we know stay up late dreaming of the day they might end up in a giant orgy with beautiful women. We, however, lie awake at night dreaming of a closet full of beautiful clothes. To the left, a wall of shoes. To the right, shelf upon shelf of delicately handcrafted bags organized by color and size.

Sigh.
We all have our fantasies.

Since guys can turn to the interwebs to get their daily fantasy fix, we thought you should, too! So, we’re bringing you some fashion porn. The best of the best in all things fashionable. Sure, it may be out of your price range, but it’s a fantasy, so live it up in all its delicious glory.

This season it seems like anything goes for shoes. There’s a multitude of colors, styles, and, most importantly, details. But one thing is for sure: boring shoes are definitely out. This season’s shoes are often gorgeous, always interesting, and many are pieces of art that look almost too good (and painful) to put on your feet.  There are some that are inexpensive (one pair is on sale for $4.99!!!) and others that we college gals will admire in the shop windows, praying the recession is over (and that we’re millionaires) by the time we get our diploma so we can “invest” in them.

Click on each image to find out where to buy (or get an up close and personal look at) these beautiful shoes.

1. They are hot

2. They make your legs look hot

3. They fulfill every girls’ fantasy of being super fabulous, sexy and chic.

Why we hate high heels:

1. OhMyGodTheyHurtSoBad

2. They get caught in cracks, grates and vents.

3. They could get you mugged!

Yes, it’s true – wearing heels (no matter how great) could get you targeted by muggers looking for easy prey. Those people know that a woman in heels is a woman who can’t get away very quickly, which makes you the perfect target.

Are we telling you not to wear heels? Yeah right; that dress isn’t gonna look the same with a pair of Converse. Just be aware of your surroundings, avoid major shopping in stilettos (not that anyone’s feet could survive that, anyway), consider investing in a pair of these, and learn how to turn that shoe into a weapon. Those heels have to hurt.

But, just because I don’t know how to dive off of a really high platform or do flips on some uneven bars doesn’t mean that I, too, am not the best at something. I have some talents too, and they should not be shunned just because I can’t bring them to Beijing.

So, I give you the 5 Sports I Would Win a Gold In (If They Were Included In The Olympics):

1. Cake Eating: With or without hands, I would totally take the cake (Ha!) in this event. I have a big mouth (to the chagrin of my mother and the glee of my men) that allows me to store massive quantities of cake and frosting goodness. I also happen to be able to seriously pack food away (which allowed me to excel in another sport: weight gain), so there is no stopping me in this competition.

2. Late Night Stiletto Run: While Michael Phelps was doin’ his thing in the pool, I was dedicating hours to perfecting this skill. I dare anyone to race me to the nearest pizza place in a pair of heels. You can even throw a few hurdles (girl passed out on sidewalk, traffic, or inclement weather) in my way and I will beat out all the competition. Yes, even the Chinese.

3. The Bargain Hunt: I have been practicing this one since I left the womb. Show me an item and I will find it for you cheaper. And I will do it fast.

4. That’s What She Said: I can turn anything into something sexual at a record breaking speed. (That’s what she said.) I don’t care how hard it is (that’s what she said), or how many people are involved (that’s what she said). I like to do it hard and do it fast (that’s what she said).

5. Bullsh*tting: I hate to toot my own horn (that’s what she said), but I am really good at making people think I care/like them/have any interest in what they have to say. My combination head nod, mixed with witty banter have fooled people for years and I have no doubt I would rock it in Beijing (even with the language barrier).

Almost ten years later, they finally gave in to my abuse and one of them broke. I cried a little, I’m not going to lie. So I decided that I would take them into a repair shop, and pay more to have them fixed than I did to buy them to begin with.

When I picked them up from the shop, I was so happy to see them, I put them on straight away—with my gym clothes mind you—and strutted them for the rest of the evening. Hardly taken them off since.

And this is just one of my many pairs of Steve Madden shoes I’ve owned throughout the years. I love him. I don’t care that he went to prison for a little—all the more hours for him to dream up beautiful décor for my feet.

But I question what’s going on with this new contest he has going on. Art+Sole is a really cool concept—you, his devoted buyers, get to select the next model of shoe to come out for the fall line. Seems great—for the people, by the people. That’s America right there.

Except the five finalists are ugly. I mean… a couple of them are OK, but the others—FUGLY. He didn’t design any of the models—people from around the country entered their designs. But Mr. Madden did select the finalists, and I’m seriously disappointed.

The first finalist—Yi Ning Hsu– has designed this little white anklet boot with “ethnic” beading that makes it look like a moccasin except not as cute. And moccasins are already not that cute. I loved ‘em when I was five, but now with a stiletto heel? Scary.

Another finalist, Dave Tezanos, modeled his design after Santa’s boots. Seriously? Um, he wears those to trudge through snow, and jump down people’s chimneys. They’re not stylish. They’re not even practical and almost stylish. Just… don’t go there.

Yet another finalist, Angie K Ng, has entered the sneaker heel. Those were really bad the first time around. Why are we trying to rock that style again? Some things are just not meant to be. The 80’s came back into style, but we left the neon bike shorts alone. Let’s just lay the sneaker heel to rest.

So get on-line girls, and vote for the not ugly ones (my fave are the red boots). When you vote you are entered to win a $100 shopping spree at Steve Madden. Which I would love, so long as they don’t put those Santa Boots anywhere near me.