This week was full of ups and downs… and we’re not just talking about the stock market. Ayooo! Don’t forget to tip the waitstaff!:

Down: College campuses are breeding grounds for disease.

Up: We found a beer that can cure cancer.

Down: Dudes hate our favorite boots.

Up: We found the best shopping site and we got a hot new bag.

Down: We aren’t sure if we’re sexually active.

Up: We learned how to muster the courage to hop on top.

Down: We sent drunk emails to the boys we love

Up: We found some great makeup to cover up the hangover in the morning.

Down: Middle schoolers have to take the PPSAT.

Up: We aren’t in middle school anymore.

Another up is that it’s Friday and we have a great playlist to dance to and the perfect outfit to wear out to the bar. Things are definitely on the up and up from here on out.

Happy Friday!

Today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday. That means the stock exchange is closed, which also means that the economy can’t crash for 2 whole days! Wahoo! Grab you’re your favorite snacks (fat is in!) and celebrate!

That is the best news we’ve heard all week, but that isn’t saying much after the week we’ve had:

Gay rights activists get locked out of a campus, a**holes continued to break girls’ hearts, celebs got all cocky on us, Joe Six Pack made an appearance, the presidential candidates “debated,” we had to watch Rachael Ray porn, Bubba had some transgender issues, our boyfriend posted that (PRIVATE) sex tape online, and I missed out on a fantastic opportunity to get with my campus’s most notorious man-whore.

But don’t worry; Barack Obama can make it all better! (No, that was not a political statement…that was a sexual one.)

Happy Friday, peeps.

The stock market is low. Really effing low. The lowest it’s been in a long ass time.

And people are freaking out.

So, in an effort to ease people’s minds, George Bush spoke. He interrupted my morning dose of Ellen Degeneres for about 7 minutes to explain what is going on and how the US Government is going to fix it. But that 7 minutes can be summed up in 2 simple sentences:

Things are bad – we caused the economy to decline worldwide – but they are going to get better. Just chill the eff out.

So, let’s relax, people. Forget about your money in the bank, your student loans, and the fact that you can’t afford your Easy Mac. Grab a bottle of your favorite (cheap) vodka, kick back on your couch and chillax.

Everything is gonna be ok!

It’s official, kids. The Senate passed the bailout plan tonight! It took three long hours of debate (which any sorority girl can tell you is nothing compared to rush), but the Senate voted in favor of the newly adapted bailout plan that will cost a wee bit more than the original $700 billion dollars.  All we have to do now is wait for it to slide into the House…and hopefully pass there…

I am no economist so I can’t tell you exactly what is gonna happen next, but it looks like we won’t have to stock up on the canned goods for now!

So get out there and celebrate the fact that the stock market isn’t crashing, your student loans are still available and all that money you have in the bank is safe for another keg.

In a sudden turn of events, John McCain has announced that he is suspending his campaign — putting a stop to advertising and events — until the sticky and possibly ugly Wall Street situation gets ironed out.  Obama and McCain were supposed to debate on Friday, but apparently, this credit crises is so blindingly awful that McCain can’t concentrate on anything except…helping it get fixed…by not spending his own money…?

(We’re still a little confused.)

According to Bloomberg.com, Obama and McCain had been discussing the possibility of postponing their campaigns, but McCain’s announcement this evening caught Obama off-guard.  By being the first one to pull the plug, McCain has put Obama in a tricky situation; either he stops campaigning too, or continues and risks being seen as not focused enough on the economy.

McCain seems to want to help Congress figure out how to pass Bush’s $700 billion “save the stock market and morgages” proposal. Perhaps he wants to brainstorm in the room with everyone?  It could be that he’s decided to sell one of his houses and donate the money to our ginormous deficit.  Or, maybe he’s secretly auctioning off Cindy’s $300,000 popped collar outfit.

If you want our advice Johnny, start with the dress.  It’s kind of hideous.

[photo from www.thewashingtonnote.com]

We’re trying to remain calm.  We really are.  But WTF, economy?!  Stop getting all Depressed on us…

The term Black Monday refers to a Monday during the Wall Street Crash of 1929. As we all learned in high school, this Crash ushered in the Great Depression during which food was scarce and jobs scarcer, crime flourished and investors sky-dived off high rises. I distinctly remember the picture by Dorothea Lange in which a mother stares hopelessly into the distance with a young boy on either side of her, their faces buried into her shoulders.

So when on Monday, March 17th, as I drove up to visit my dad I heard the NPR Marketplace analyst use the term Black Monday and Great Depression to describe the worries surrounding the current downward spin of the Stock Market of which the Bear Sterns crisis was simply the latest manifestation, my heart skipped a beat.

I’m about to head off to grad school this fall, I thought…my whole life is ahead of me…and suddenly my mind inserted my face into the Dorothea Lange photo desolation, destruction, depression…the end.

Okay yeah…so I’m a bit dramatic (very dramatic), but chances are you shared at least a bit of the panic I felt last Monday. The truth is, however, that the economy is far from the state of the 1929 crash but it is important to know what’s going on and how you should react in order to protect yourself. Read More »

You know what I love doing after a nice, long, relaxing weekend? Waking up to the sound of bells ringing and sweating Wallstreet dudes screaming from the rooftops.

That’s right. The stock market is falling. Faster than the drunken hook-ups at Sundance, faster than the disappearance of Amy Winehouse’s crack stash—just…fast.

Some people think we’re headed into a recession. Which is just the kind of news I love to hear after receiving my first monstrous student loan bill in the mail.

Those who enjoy depressing themselves can go to CNN for updates.