"Dude, I have a 4.0 at Cannabis College"

If you’re like me, chances are you glanced at your calendar today and then did a double take, thinking, “It’s been December for a whole week? How the hell did that happen?” For every student, the pressure is on: finals are fast approaching, and we’ve all got about a million pages to read and two million more to write before we can reach the holy grail of winter break.

All that stress is enough to make a girl want to scream. But if you went to Med Grow Cannabis College, chances are that right about now, you’d be feeling a lot more mellow.

Yes, that’s right: Med Grow Cannabis College. As this article helpfully explains, at MGCC, “marijuana is the curriculum: the history, the horticulture and the legal how-to’s of Michigan’s new medical marijuana program.”

See, the Wolverines’ home state recently legalized medicinal pot, and now 24-year-old Nick Tennant has started a thriving business that teaches wannabe Nancy Botwins how to plant and nurture their very own strain of Mary Jane. Class time can also include a crash course in baking with weed (recipes include “crockpot cannabutter, chocolate canna-ganache and greenies (the cannabis alternative to brownies)”).

Okay, so MGCC isn’t really a school—it’s a six-week program that costs $485 to complete rather than a two- or four-year-long process that ends in a BA. But can you imagine what it would be like if Cannabis College was an actual institute of—if you’ll pardon the pun—higher learning?

Classes at CC might include “Watching Spongebob Squarepants 101,” “How Different Things Feel When You Touch Them,” and “Philosophy”—hey, some things don’t change. Their sports teams, the Fightin’ Stoners, would be supported by an adorable mascot called Jasper the Jumping Joint. The dining hall would stock nothing but Cheetos and those little powdered sugar donuts. Seth Rogen would be the graduation speaker at every single commencement. Instead of finals, CC would just end the semester with a big party that culminated in the entire student body hotboxing the library.

It all sounds kind of magical, at least until I start thinking about what CC attendees might be qualified to do after they graduate. None of the potential careers that come to mind—working at a Taco Bell drive-thru window, operating the bumper cars at a local amusement park, being a philosophy professor—sound particularly appealing to me.

I think that pot is a little bit like creative writing: something that’s fine to do recreationally, but not something you probably want to major in. So Michiganders, feel free to enroll in Cannabis College; I think I’ll stick with good, old-fashioned stress.

As Slate’s Daniel Engber reports, a 2007 survey reveals that about 6 percent of Americans between 50 and 59 reported smoking pot in the past year. That means that more baby boomers than ever before are lighting up—and it’s fairly likely that our parents are among them.

Worried? I know I am. Sure, my mom and dad were teenagers in the ‘60s and ‘70s, when pot was as prevalent as ridiculous hairstyles, but it’s weird to think that they ever smoked in the first place—let alone that they might be doing it this very moment. And because I’m at school, I can’t keep tabs on them to make sure that our house is a toke-free zone.

But if any of the following things happen, I’ll know for sure that Mom and Dad are celebrating 4/20 a few months early. Without further ado: 6 Signs That Your Parents Might Be Stoners.

- When your mom and dad come to visit during Parent’s Weekend, all they want to do is sit around and watch Planet Earth in your dorm room.

- For Thanksgiving dinner this year, your mom gives nothing but one giant bag of Cool Ranch Doritos to every guest.

- Dad announces that he and Mom are taking a trip to Jamaica in early February to celebrate Bob Marley’s birthday.

- They start subscribing to Showtime just so that they can get Weeds on demand.

- Your mom sends you a care package with a Tupperware container filled with brownies and a note warning you only to eat one at a time.

- It’s impossible to have a phone conversation with your dad—not because he keeps nagging you, but because he starts giggling hysterically every time you speak.

Any other signs we should look out for?

“Historically there have only been two deaths worldwide attributed to cannabis, whereas alcohol and tobacco together are responsible for an estimated 150,000 deaths per annum in the UK alone.”

In fact, the only thing that makes pot a dangerous drug stems (haha, stems) from the fact that it isn’t legal: the crime that surrounds it, all that crazy sh*t people are lacing it with these days, etc. By making pot legal, people would be able to regulate it and keep it safe.

Not to mention stimulate the economy and create more jobs: people to grow it, people to sell it, people to regulate it, people to supply all the stoned kids with enough Cheez Its and Twinkies to get through the day…

Seriously, marijuana could keep this country from a depression! (And if it doesn’t, it could make the depression more bearable…or hilarious!)

Down with that dangerous alcohol!

Bring on the cannabis!

I’m not a stoner, and I don’t really find big boob jokes/pot jokes/fart jokes/beer jokes particularly funny. So why the heck did I like this film? Well, besides Neil Patrick Harris (fantastic) and White Castle (yum), I think the creators, Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg, are on to something here. The New York Times reviewed the new film recently, calling it a “stoner protest film”, due to the combination of drug humor and sharp political satire–what’s more, the review was actually quite positive.

For those of you who don’t know, Harold and Kumar’s first film involved two stoners determined to make it to White Castle in order to satisfy their munchies. The second film, however, as the name suggests, involves the ultimate stoner vacation (Amsterdam) gone horribly wrong. Harold, a Korean-American, and Kumar, an Indian-American are thrown off their flight after trying to light up in the bathroom. An overzealous Homeland Security officer draws the conclusion that North Korea and Al Quada have teamed up, and throws both of them in Guantánamo Bay. Hyjinks ensue, of course, but so does a very interesting treatment of race in the post-9/11 era.

Think back to all the classic boy-humor movies: where are the non-whites? They aren’t there, for the most part, and if they are, they are reduced to a comedic stereotype. Not only do Harold and Kumar buck conventional racial stereotypes (which are instead replaced by classic stoner stereotypes), but they are also not, as often happens with non-white leads, forced to actively address those stereotypes either. Take The Namesake for example, a recent film starring Kal Penn (the actor who plays Kumar), in which Penn’s character struggles between honoring his culture and fitting in with those around him. Neither Kumar nor Harold are struggling with much besides the desire for more pot.

The goal, the writers argue in the New York Times article, is to present two characters who are “beyond racism but live in a world that isn’t”. That the Harold and Kumar franchise is humor for the bong-loving set is exactly the point–the focus is shifted from the “moral outrage” that accompanies most treatments of race and onto the sheer stupidity of racism.

So even if you’ve long since moved on from frat humor, you may want to reconsider your stance on Harold and Kumar: there is more to their pot-fueled journey than you might think.