[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Middle-aged couple in a diner.)

Man: I can’t do this sudoku.

Woman: You’re looking at it upside down. And that’s the crossword.

(Girls, in a video store.)

Girl 1: We should just take every women’s studies class and replace the curriculum with “Tank Girl.”

(Girl, shouting from a kitchen)

Girl: Who wants some kitten pie?

(Girl and guy, talking in a restaurant.)

Girl: You remind me of Seth Rogen. Like, it’s kinda weird.

Guy: How so?

Girl: Well, like, I feel like you’re probably both into the same weird fetishes. You know?

(Two guys, sitting in a class.)

Guy: Dude, this is so sad. My friend just texted me asking what “IDK” meant. I texted him “I don’t know” and he texted back “MAN NOBODY KNOWS!”

(Girls, reading at a sign hanging in a goth club.)

Girl: “Beach night?” So what’s beach plus goth?

Girl 2: Pirates who weep openly into their lattes?

Girl 3: Pirates who live in their parents’ basement?

(Girl, talking to her friend in class.)

Girl: So, do we have to, like, pay to get on the Dean’s List, or what?

(People on a couch, somewhere behind a crowd.)

Guy: Our grain is gone! The peasants have stolen our grain!

Girl: They need it for their decadent orgies!

Other guy: What the f**k are you guys talking about?

Other girl: That’s how they have sex.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: My boyfriend’s mom came in at 8 a.m., shrieking “where’s my little princess?” Then she sat on me. I don’t think we’re breaking up yet, but it’s close.

(Girl and a guy, getting into separate cars.)

Guy: Call me first, I don’t want to be indisposed when you come over.

Girl: So, f***in’?

Guy: No, I mean, like, taking a shower or walking the dog. I don’t even have a dog.

(Guys, sitting on the patio of a restaurant.)

Guy 1: Yo, so who all’s coming tonight?

Guy 2: Um, buncha folks. You know.

Guy 1: I don’t think I can make it.

Guy 2: S***. Well, now nobody’s coming.

Coming in at a close second in the gift-giving challenge is the BF. Sure, you love him. Sure, he knows you better than most people. But finding a gift he’ll like because it’s cool, and not just because you’re his girlfriend? Tough.

In case you haven’t reached your breaking point yet (I know Hanukkah is almost over, but there’s still time!), I’m compiled a list of presents the Bro and the Beau might like. It’s always hard to tell with these strange specimens, but hey, even if they scrunch their face up again this year…at least you tried. Besides, they’re been giving you shit from The Body Shop for years. Teach them through example about branching out.

• Charles & Marie Dosh Wallet ($60) – compact, manly, and oh-so-full of special pockets, this wallet is a lot better than that ratty, duct-taped thing he’s been carrying around for years. It’s a little expensive, but just think of it as payback for that time you stuck gum in your Bro’s hair or ‘accidentally’ told your friends about the Beau’s bedroom ‘issues’.

• Dakine Plaid Backpack ($59.50) – it’s really hard to hate on a backpack, especially one that’s so nondescript and cool. Plus, he can carry his laptop and snowboard / skateboard around wherever he goes.

• Nooka Zub 20 Zenv Watch ($135) – complicated, weird looking, and kind of hard to understand, your gadget-loving Bro or Beau will go crazy for it. Let’s just hope he’s getting you more than bath salts for this price.

• Ninja Flipper ($4.49) – aren’t all guys obsessed with Ninjas?

• Sudoku Toilet Paper ($5.48) – part gag gift, part something they’ll probably use.

• Badass 3-in-1 Gloves ($49.50) – sure, it’s a lot of money for gloves, but he’ll never have to buy another pair…provided he doesn’t lose them a day later.

• Shockingly Expensive Toothpick holder ($800-$1500) – if your Bro or Beau has everything…get him a diamond encrusted toothpick holder. Chewing toothpicks in public is kinda rude, but if he’s got this thing, ain’t no one gonna question!

So you go to your professor and she explains what you did wrong, where you missed the mark. And while you are frustrated, you move on because hey, it’s Thursday night and so why not get drunk now and just remember what to fix for next time?

When you finish a crossword or sudoku puzzle, you head for most important part: the answer key. Because how annoying would it be to spend two hours on a mind game and not get any sort of validation that you did it right? (A blatant waste of time, in my opinion)

And of course, when Britney Spears makes the Worst Dressed list week after week, she doesn’t have to sit and ponder as to why she’s on there. If her poor taste in fashion isn’t obvious enough (last time I checked, fedoras and printed pajama bottoms wasn’t what they meant by “mix and match”) at least there is some comedian explaining what makes her outfit so comically tragic.

In all of these cases, there is an answer to what went askew, a reasoning behind the actions.

So why is it that when you go on a date that you think went well and then hear not-a-thing… there is nothing you can do about it?

There is no written report as to where you went wrong. There is no answer key. There is no comedian making a snide comment as to how lame that joke was you made and that (you poor girl) is why he is not calling.

I am new to this dating game. In fact, I think I voiced my qualms about it a few times right here on this very site.

I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m not on a desperate quest for love, and while I may be forthcoming here, I am actually pretty shy. I’m sure I’ve had my fair share of awkward moves or sent a few (and by few I mean quite a lot) mixed signals. And I get that you’re not going to click with everyone and they aren’t always going to click with you… so why do I feel so unsettled with the lack of feedback?

It’s like when you try out for the high school musical and someone else gets cast as the lead. Although at least there, you know it’s because that other person was just better at singing “Oklahoma!” than you. (And if that’s not enough, you can always go to your music teacher at have her tell you to your face, lip-synching is more your thing)

How come in the dating world, you are forced to accept no answer as your only answer. No “hey, I had fun, but I’m just not feelin it” even, “I would have rather shove a freshly sharpened pencil in my eye than go out with you again” would be better than nothing back at all.

I’ve been on dates that have gone bad. Trust me. Dates where I didn’t expect the guy to call and dates where I prayed to every lord there is that he would never call me again. But I haven’t been on a date (until recently) where it went seemingly well both in the few weeks leading up to and during the date (minus a few mixed sigs on my part…) and then…nothing.

I can handle a bruised ego- is it wrong to want to know at what point he was thinking “check please?”

But there is nothing I can do about it. Except (not by choice) turn into “that girl”…the girl that everyone dreads of becoming (and I prided myself on never-ever being)…you know the one. She sits and tries to keep busy but can’t help staring at her email or phone and wondering what the hell went wrong.

I don’t need a report with nice cursive handwriting and a scratch and sniff sticker like my second grade teacher used to give me saying “A for effort but lets work on your penmanship!”… But some sort of feedback?

If B. Spears gets it, I think I should too.

• Dorky kid on his 1,224 pound pumpkin: “You spend all your time with it,” he said. “No sports. You just come home and be with the pumpkin.” Ummm… (upi.com)

• Tomato juice causes delays at LaGuardia. Yes, tomato juice. People were pissed. (wcbstv.com)

• Puzzles are his only friends… (Yahoo!)

• Japan keeps up it’s bizarre/freaky game show reputation with “Human Tetris”! (COED Magazine)