Blogs, websites, Facebook profiles, etc. give everyone with an internet connection the ability to create their own stories and share them with the world. And they can do so without ever telling anyone their name. It happens on Juicy Campus every day, and on other sites all across the internet.

So what do you do when someone starts spreading rumors about you online?

Liskula Cohen, a model in New York, decided to fight back after one blogger anonymously called her a skank and an old hag. (Editor’s Note: Seriously? This woman is smoking!) Since she doesn’t know who it was, Cohen has decided to sue Google, the owner of the blogging site the comment was posted on.

Sure, it sucks when people call you a skank (welcome to my life as a CC blogger), but isn’t a lawsuit a bit much? It’s not like being a skank will prevent her from futhering her career, or that anyone is taking this blogger seriously. Plus, think about what could happen if Cohen wins; this could change the face of the internet and freedom of speech forever.

What do you think? Is Cohen justified, or is she just a bitter skank?

At first, I was like, “WTF!, How ridiculous to bring your wounded heart and unsuccessful marriage into legal matters!” But, then I realized that maybe she had a point. I mean, an engagement is sort of a contract, or at least a promise of a long term commitment. And why shouldn’t this woman be repaid for her lost wages and emotional distress.

In fact, why can’t everyone receive that luxury? So, I got to thinking; what would I sue my ex for if I could? And this is what I came up with:

Dear Ex-boyfriend (who, shall remain nameless),

In seeing how you dumped me and shattered my heart into a million little pieces, I am taking you to court and suing you for the following:

- The plane tickets for our vacation, two summers in a row

- The countless pharmacy visits with my insurance to get you medicine when you were sick

- The countless pharamcy visits to pick up the birth control that kept you from being a daddy

- Cleaning up your mess after you got drunk, pissed all over your room and, eh hem, me, and then had no recollection of it in the morning

- Your parents’ anniversary presents that I never got reimbursed for

- My respect after you cheated on me for four months, not to mention the fights, the yelling, oh, and the time you spit beer in my face

- The years of acrylic nails I had to put on as a distraction from biting my nails from your stress

For the damage, I could like, in return for my financial and emotional suffering:

- A big fat check for $50,000

Oh, and your balls in a jar.

Case closed!

[Photo courtesy of the State of Ohio]

Had I known then that I could have been sued for such a disagreement, I probably would have thrown independent thought out the window and nodded my head in agreement like the rest of the class.

Thankfully, my teacher just excused herself to cry alone in the bathroom, unlike one Dartmouth lecturer who took it to a much more serious level: by seeking legal counsel.

I actually got my degree in education, so I can say from experience that teaching is a very difficult and thankless profession. You spend 16-18 hours a day either with the students, preparing for the students, or grading their crappy work. Then you come into the classroom where they are disrespectful and often times annoying. It is a job that drives you to drink countless glasses of wine and wonder why you ever wanted to do it in the first place. (Note: It is also incredibly rewarding!)

But, that is all part of the job and something you surely expect getting into a profession that deals with ungrateful children. (Don’t hate; you know you made your teachers’ lives hell back in the day.) Surely this woman cannot be naïve enough to think that Dartmouth kids would be any different?

They are at one of the country’s most esteemed institutions! Those children have been taught their whole lives to challenge ideas, read between the lines and analyze everything. Is this woman – who was a Dartmouth grad herself – so insecure that she can’t handle a little criticism? Is she that immature that not only is she going to tattle on the bullies, but she is also going to sue them?

Someone was mean to you? Fine, go home and cry into the soft, luxurious fur of your three cats. Throw back a few beers and dance to really loud music. Take a walk outside to regain some composure and come up with a plan for the following day.

But stick a lawyer on the students?

You have got to be kidding.

It’s obvious that this Professor has some self esteem issues to deal with, so maybe she should cancel the attorneys and find a few therapists instead. Because if she thinks people were disrespecting her before, she is definitely not ready for what is coming now.