Sunbathing is not my friend

The sun and I have been having an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember. I’m all, like, “please make me so brown that no one can tell my original race,” and the sun is all, like, “I’m going to fry you until people mistake you for an over-sized lobster.” (I should also mention at this point that I was born with claws and a meaty tail.)

It’s not like I haven’t tried to compromise with the sun. I mean I’ve gone as far as to wear SPF 90 on any days when the forecast gives less than a 100 percent chance of rain. I walk on the shady side of the street on the way to work and I always wear white t-shirts on all the slides at the water parks. All I’m asking for in return is a 3-month hiatus from my lifelong case of albino-ism.

This past weekend was the first really nice weekend in New York City. It was around 70, which meant that I was trading in my boots for flats. And unfortunately for my eyes, it meant the tourists were trading in their I LOVE NY shirts for ill-fitting rompers and aqua socks. I, being the perpetual optimist (that was my middle school screen name, perpetualoptimist69), applied my facial sunscreen, grabbed a blanket, and headed for the park in an attempt to tan. Read More »

So far this summer, I’ve been having the constant desire to re-live childhood summer times, a.k.a hopping in my DeLorean and gunning it to 1999.  The days when I was 9 years old and the world was mine.  The days when the only thing I had to worry about trying not to hurt myself when I was Skippin’ It outside all day.  The days when I was bumpin’ “If You Steal My Sunshine” and getting a perfect tan from swimming all day at camp. Those last moments of childhood where you could run around naked without feeling an ounce of self-consciousnes (knowing next summer you might be gettin’ some new curves).

10 years later, there are so many questions.  What will my major be?  Do I have enough hours at work?  Do I need to take summer classes? Where da party at? When’s the next sunny day for tanning? Does he want a relationship or a hook-up? Did I text too much this month? Should I get that new iPod?  It obviously doesn’t get easier.

Preeeeeetttyyy sure I wasn’t asking myself those questions when I was a kid.  So I say, what the hell? Let’s worry less and bring more pre-pubescent nostalgia back into our summer lives with some fun old-school pastimes: Read More »

Angelina is looking freakishly plastic in London.

Check out Justin Bobby’s band on MySpace.

Out of the limelight and into the sunlight: Sarah Palin sunbathing.

Wacko sports traditions!

The perils of fashionable footwear.

Some really creative answers to the question, “What have you been smoking?”

Instant bug killer and other unconventional uses for your shampoo.

A cup size bigger for just $19.99?

Scarlett claws back at Lindsay.

Gag gifts for the holidays!