"OMG. I can't believe I just called him the wrong name."

A few weeks ago, I asked one of my boys what guys were most afraid of in the bedroom. For him it was knockin’ a girl up. For me it was weird farty noises.

Needless to say, I felt a bit shallow. I mean, shouldn’t I be the one fearing a bun in the oven? And shouldn’t he just be scared of skid marks in his boxer shorts?

I wanted to know if I was alone, so this week I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their biggest nightmares involving boys. Some of them have experienced them and others, thankfully, have avoided the awkwardness thus far. Luckily, I’m not alone in my fears. And even more luckily, none of this shiz has ever plagued me before.

I just pray and hope it never does. Read More »

Not gonna lie…this summer hasn’t been the friskiest for me. And I know this may sound creepy, but I feel like that guy from Superbad when he’s telling his friend that as a kid he went through a stage where he just couldn’t stop drawing penises. They were just, like, always on his mind.

So maybe it’s because of my dry spell or whatever, but for some reason, penises are just always on my mind lately, too. And since I’m not getting in me any time soon, I might as well look elsewhere to fill my penis void. Turns out, there is plenty of peen out there. Read More »

We’re back with another edition of G.W.W.E. (Guys We Wanna Eff)!

I’m a big SNL fan, and while my love for cast member Andy Samberg is well-known, I’ve got to pay homage to my other main funnyman, Bill Hader.

The cutie from Oklahoma hit it big on the weekly sketch comedy and has made memorable performances as half of the Same-Sex Couple From New Jersey (“ayooo!”) and former New  York Governor Eliot Spitzer (you know, the one with the hooker problem), among others. But no matter what role he’s playing, you can’t disguise his tall, lean frame and that wry, wide grin.

However, Bill crossed the line from cute to sexy in (one of my all-time favorites) Superbad as half of McLovin’s policeman posse. It was the first time I had seen Bill in a breakout film role (since then, he’s appeared in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Pineapple Express) and, well, there’s just something about that police uniform that is irresistibly effable.  And “bona-fide badass,” as he says.

So as Bill continues his run on SNL, I’ll keep hoping  I get to eff him live from New York one Saturday night. Or Friday, if that works. Or Wednesday…

Not gonna lie: 2008 was a great year for me. Probably one of my best. I got good grades, I learned a lot about myself, I stayed up late and danced to Immaculate Collection with my friends, I met nice boys and even saved a little money!

I really am sad to see it go. That’s why while my friends are celebrating the coming of 2009 with unlimited alcohol and tons of Jaeger bombs, I too will be drinking heavily…only I will be doing it to drink away my sorrows at the passing of the best year of my life.

Yeah, I’m slightly excited for 2009 to get here (and for all-you-can-drink), but 2008 is a tough act to follow and I’m not sure it can be topped.

Regardless of how you felt about 2008, it is about to be gone forever. Tonight people around the world will be saying TTYN to ‘08. Some will be drinking (heavily), some will be laying low and the rest will probably be smoking pot and watching Superbad with a Costco box of Cheez Its by their side.

Which one are you gonna be? What are your super awesome plans for New Years Eve 2009?

[In this week's installment of G.W.W.E (Guys We Want to Eff), we are climbing into bed with Seth Rogan.

What? You don't agree?

You may not have noticed him in Anchorman, or remember him being in The 40 Year Old Virgin, but, come on, you didn't wanna eff him in Knocked Up? Rogan is even starring in "Zack & Miri Make a Porno," which obviously means he is 100% effable.]

I have never told anyone this before, but after I saw Knocked Up with my (now ex) boyfriend, I was totally turned on. Weird, right? I mean, the thought of having a baby totally freaked me out, and seeing that baby come out of Katherine Heigl’s va-jay totally grossed me out, but I couldn’t keep my hands to myself the entire way home.

And then I realized why: I totally wanted to eff Seth Rogan.

He’s not the type of guy you’d drool over at the bar, (in fact he’s more the type of guy that smokes pot in the corner), nor is he the type your mom would necessarily love to have over for dinner. He was the dorky guy in high school who watched as all the taller, hotter dudes (without the Jew-Fro) got all the girls.

But that is why we love him. Well, that and the fact that he is just really effing hilarious. Read More »

[I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going gal, and try not to sweat the small stuff. But sometimes (ok, maybe slightly more often) the general cluelessness, carelessness and overall stupididty of some things and or/people really gets to me. I find that venting is the most efficient way to rid myself of the stress that idiots, wrong meal orders, lack of cell phone ettiquette and cheese flavored products (that don’t even contain any freaking cheese!) induce. So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Football game traffic.

Under no condition should any human be confined to a small metal box harnessed into their seats and surrounded by others doing the same thing. A sweet play list is only a small consolation for being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic as you jealously stare at drunken fans playing flip cup on their front lawns, hours ahead of your severely lacking tailgate level. The only thing worse than the knowledge of your slowly depleting gas tank is the realization that you are missing out on precious pregaming time.

Senseless Acts of Brutality.

I hope that the inclusion of the tragic events affecting Jennifer Hudson’s family on this list doesn’t seem insensitive, because I am pissed. The woman, apart from being beautiful and talented, seems like such a kind person that it’s hard to imagine how anyone could hurt her and her family. Additionally, the pain inflicted on their family is only deepened by the disappearance of Hudson’s 7-year-old nephew. However horribly inhumane it is to commit murder, to take a child from their home and place them in danger is unforgivable a thousand times over. I hope the guilty party is caught and subject to the same pain they put the Hudson family through. Read More »

Most college students like to think that all the drugs and alcohol in the world are at their fingertips once they hit campus. But for us under-agers there are some off-limits places, such as certain bars and clubs. If you’re wondering about the secret world of the 21 and overs, you might start thinking about getting a fake ID. From personal experience, and the experiences of my friends who have fakes, there are a few things you need to ask yourself before coughing up enough cash for an ID.

What am I going to be using it for? If you’re buying a fake primarily just to buy your friends booze every once in awhile, it’s probably not worth it to go through the whole process of getting one. It would be easier to just find an older friend to buy for you. If you want one to get into concerts, bars, clubs, comedy clubs, etc., with friends who also have fakes or who are older, then it’s more beneficial for you to have one. This way you’re at least getting your money’s worth, and you know for sure you have others who can join you in your illegal adventures.

Who am I buying one off of? Some of my friends have gotten fakes from a random sketchy place down in Chinatown. Even though they only paid 60 bucks for it, the ID says that it’s not government issued and a lot of places haven’t accepted them. Needless to say, they got sh*tty fakes. Read More »

(In our second stab at our weekly installment of G.W.W.E [Guys We Want to Eff], we decided to take on the almost inappropriately young looking, but totally adorable, Michael Cera.

If you were one of the few who watched, you will remember him at George Michael on Arrested Development. Or you may have fallen in love with him and his short shorts as quirky Pauli Bleeker in Juno. Whatever. You should totally know who he is, and even if you don’t one look at him and you will totally understand why he is a total G.W.E.E. [gently].)

Ok, so he’s not the sexiest man on the planet. In fact, if we saw him hanging out at Starbucks between classes we probably wouldn’t give him a second glance on our way to the Splenda, but there is something about Michael Cera that is just so….effable.

He is the nice guy. The modest guy. The quiet guy. The guy who doesn’t say much, but when he does it’s funny and cute and sweet and totally makes you want to tear his clothes off and eff him. Especially in that quiet Canadian accent.

Cera is the quintissential underdog. And we love to eff underdogs. He may look like your average American Apparel-wearing dude on the surface, but there is so much more there. He is a brilliant actor and should be on everyone’s effing radar. He plays in a band! He has an internet show! He once was a Berenstein Bear!

Ok, so that last one is a little creepy. Sorry. Read More »

You know that scene in Superbad, where Jonah Hill and Michael Cera are talking about the girl who got a breast reduction and Jonah Hill says, “Why would she do that? It’s like slapping God in the face.”

Well, several weeks ago, I “slapped God in the face.”

Sure, the road to recovery is a bumpy one: Pain like you wouldn’t believe, that can’t even be fixed by prescriptions. The healing of scars. Ruining every bra with ointments to help me get better…

But all the negatives aside, here are my favorite things about my breast reduction thus far.

Hi, my face is up here: You can’t believe how refreshing it is to have guys look at my face instead of just my chest. I used to have full-on conversations with people and their eyes somehow stayed fixated on my chest the entire time. Classy, right? It’s nice to be reminded that some people in this world do make eye contact.

Cutest bras EVER: Why didn’t Victoria’s Secret ever make fun bras in my old size? Read More »

God, I remember my first kiss. I remember thinking that it tasted like bananas and then I remember thinking, “Sh*t, I hope this gets better or I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”

Turns out, it got better. The kissing got better, the men I kissed got better, the touching, the sweaty make-out sessions and the ridiculous hormones that flew about with reckless abandon, that all got better and definitely got put to use, frequently.

Then, I remember my “first time”. I remember thinking that it was short. Fumbling and awkward. And then I remember thinking, “Sh*t, I hope this get’s better or I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”

Well, yippee…it got better. A lot better. For myself and my friends included. Read More »