Word on the street is that Madonna will be gracing us all with her biceps at the half time show of this year’s Super Bowl. Please contain your excitement.

Entertainment Weekly reports that this buzzed-about performance would coincide with her first single release from her upcoming album, due for release spring 2012.

I’ll just go out and say what we’re all thinking here (like always…sigh), much like the year 2012- Madonna at the half time show would be apocalyptic. Not only could she rip apart both teams with one of her hulk-hands but also there would be endless advertisements for her & Lourdes’ Material Girl brand: yikes!

If the visual I’ve just provided does not frighten you enough, please enjoy these 10 hypothetical horrors that will occur if this rumor comes to fruition: Read More »

So, Super Bowl 43 will be played at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida, and will feature a battle between the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yawn.

It sounds like this year, people will be tuning in moreso for the hysterical commercials and the halftime entertainment, rather than the actual football. So far, it has been announced that Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem (meh), Faith Hill will perform a pregame show (over it), and Bruce Springsteen has snagged the highly coveted spot as the halftime performer. I’ve got nothing against the Boss, but if you’re going to get people to tune in to watch the Cardinals, you’re going to have to offer them some excitement at some point during the game.

Where’s Janet? Bring in some gratuitous nipple shots if you really want to please the public.

That said, I would like to petition the National Football League to consider taking me on as their halftime party planner. Here are some sample line-ups that I would suggest to really keep the party that is 2009 going strong. Read More »