For those who know next to nothing about football or how it’s played, this is a great way to learn.

Here’s how it’s done:
Everyone split up into teams (Packers and Steelers are playing, for those who are aren’t in the know). Next, everyone pick a player on the offense that they’ll be representing. I totally call Aaron Rodgers! Yum. Basically, every time your player does something good you take a drink. Every time your player or team screws up, you drink more.

Drink assignments are as follows (and if you don’t know what these things are, ask the least judgmental person at the party to explain it. Or at the very least have that person tell you when to drink):

For the offense:
- Your player catches the ball: 1 swig.

- Your player runs the ball: 1 swig for every 10 yards.

- Your player throws a completion: 1 sip.

- Your team scores: 1 swig for every point
Note: That’s 6 swigs for a touchdown, 1 for a point after, 3 for a field goal, and 2 for a safety or a two-point conversion.

- Your player throws an incomplete: 3 swigs.

- Your player drops the ball: 4 swigs.

- Interception/fumble/sack: everyone on your team takes 6 swig-a-ligs.

For the defense:
- Sack the quarterback: whole team takes 3 swigs.

- Interception: Whole team 4 swigs.

Bonus (if you’re really bored/can handle it):
- Every time there’s a pick-up truck commercial: drink a beer.

- If said truck is towing heavy stuff up a steep cliff: shotgun that beer….with someone on your back.

- For every commercial that involves scantily clad women: sip some beer…with your shirt off.

- Every time someone screams, “Shhhh, I wanna hear the commercials!”: take 6 swigs (and shut up).

- For every commercial makes you LOL: stop drinking so you don’t choke on your beer, breathe, then take 5 sips.

- Every time the announcers mention a troubled past for a specific player: take 3 swigs, cry.

- Take one sip of beer for every crazy/painted/screaming fan they show up close and personal in the stadium. Take two if it’s an kid. Take three if it’s a really old person. Take four if it’s a really old person with no shirt on (because frankly, you’re gonna need it).

Enjoy the game, people! Gooooooooo team!!!

But, since I haven’t watched a sporting event in like, YEARS, I don’t have the slightest clue as to what they play at these things anymore. So I present to you College Candy’s Jock Jams Playlist 2009…which is actually more like CC’s Jock Jams playlist circa 1999.

Either way, what CC reader doesn’t miss and love 90′s music?

Exactly.

Pump up the jams here.

And none of these things have anything to do with nacho cheese or buffalo wing sauce. My fate is sealed, but I hope someone out there gets to enjoy them.

1. It’s baaaaaaack! PUPPY BOWL V. Five years ago, a tradition was born. An adorable, adorable tradition. The stars, as you may have guessed, are not Steelers, not Cardinals; just puppies. These puppies romp on a faux football field, not so much in teams but as an every-puppy-for-himself sort of gameplay. Puppies of all breeds and sizes tussle, tug at toys, and are penalized for bad behavior by referees in full black and white uniform. And the half-time show? Kitties. Not even kidding. It’s been growing in popularity every year, but after the raging public love for the Shiba Inu puppy cam, I can’t imagine it’s going to be anything but a smashing success.

2. Take advantage of the ubiquitous jam-packed parties – by being elsewhere. Shopping with room to breathe sounds nice. Rumor has it that Circuit City is going out of business and Superbowl Sunday is probably the ONE day where electronics-crazed men will be fully occupied elsewhere. Missed a movie in Oscar contention? Get thee to an uncrowded movie theater, and relax in warm, comfortable quiet.

3. On the most testosterone charged day of the year, go girly. Since the men in your life get to spend the day painting their faces, bond with some similarly disinterested girlfriends over the time tested Sunday brunch/mani-pedi combo. Enjoy a mimosa, catch up with your nearest and dearest, and soak in that glorious Sunday feeling, while soaking your February chilled feet in that amazing spa-pedicure tub.

4. Make a difference! Souperbowl of Caring is a movement dedicated to mobilizing youth to fight hunger and poverty in their local communities. They have simple forms and materials to arrange your own Souperbowl of Caring event, to help collect food and money on Superbowl weekend, and 100% of the proceeds are dedicated to a charity of your choosing. It’s a chance for you to make a difference, and occupy yourself when your friends are all screaming at the TV. It’s a win-win!

Even though hardcore fans have a hard time believing it, the Superbowl isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If you’re hunting for ways to get out of your house while the scent of Coors Light lingers in the air, I hope these help. And don’t worry, you can always watch the commercials and half-time show later. Thanks, YouTube!