Flip through the channels on any given day and take your pick of whose lives you’d like a firsthand look at- pregnant high-schoolers, wealthy housewives, bridezillas, fist-pumping guidos, drug addicted celebs, trashy hoes fighting (literally) for the love of a rockstar, famous-for-no-reason celebs, tiara clad toddlers, and people who’ve had waaaaay too many children.

The good news? Even more reality gems are coming our way! If you’re like me and can’t get enough trashy television, let these upcoming series hold you over until the second season of Jersey Shore finally starts…

1. Sunset Daze
If you think you’ve seen it all, think again, because this new series set for spring 2010, brought to you by We, is set in a retirement community. Yes, one very much like the one you go to to visit Grandma Betty for an afternoon of water aerobics and Bingo. Tag lines include “the golden years just got more golden,” and “no, it’s not spring break, this is Sunset Daze.” Yeah. I’ll be tuning into this one for sure…

2. Sarah Palin’s Alaska
After countless SNL skits and controversy over her home life and politics, this maverick is finally gonna show America what she’s really about. The show is produced by Mark Burnett (the mastermind behind Survivor) and is supposed to be a “non-political” reality series about the attractions of Alaska. Sounds thrilling.

3. Bully Beatdown
Who else loves the people who come up wit MTV’s reality shows!? I mean, who are these geniuses!? If you were bullied in high school (or still are), nominate the wrongdoer to step into the ring with a pro-MMA fighter! (Disclaimer: they earn money for this, so it’s not total punishment…) I know I’ve got some bitchy, rumor-spreading ex-bff’s from high school I’d like to toss in there…just sayin’.

4. Jerseylicious
Big hair, orange skin, and guy drama in the Garden State made for big ratings last time, so why not capitalize!? The Style Network is bringing us Jerseylicious, a reality show about the staff of the upscale Gatsby Salon (one of which is dating another’s ex-boyfriend- drama!). The thought of someone with metallic eyeshadow, a foot-tall pouf and that much bronzer being in charge of beautifying other people is terrifying, and enough to make me want to tune into this (inevitable) trainwreck.

5. Kirstie Alley’s Big Life
Kirstie Alley is putting her weight in the spotlight (yet again) with her new show that now airs on A&E. Over the years, we’ve watched her gain weight, lose it, then gain it back again, and frankly, it’s getting boring. She’s gorgeous no matter how much she weighs, so why does she keep making such a freakin’ big deal about it?

6. Little Chocalatiers
Seriously, TLC must stand for “The Little Channel.” As if the Little Couple and Little People Big World weren’t enough, TLC brings us this series about “Steve Hatch, Kate Masterson and team creating chocolate dice via assembly line.” I’m curious to see how they form an entire series around making chocolate dice via an assembly line. Anyone else?

7. Table for Twelve
Yet another show (TLC again) about a couple who has way too many kids. It’ll probably be REALLY unique, seeing their mom cook dinner and dad play in the backyard while screaming toddlers run around. I might tune in just to see if their mom is a frigid bitch and their dad wears Ed Hardy. Deja vu?

Unlike most politicians, Barney Frank doesn’t mince words.

Mr. Belding’s back. And he sings.

Give yourself an at-home facial.

4 signs he’ll be good in bed.

Why does Richard Hatch keep getting arrested?

Well, that kid’s gonna be totally effed up.

Miley’s first photo shoot was…slutty.

Melrose Place 2.0 is coming.

Build a fashionable wardrobe on the cheap.

OMG! What if his parents don’t like you!?

Colleges begging for bailout.

Some old dude won Survivor last night.

Give your skin the gift of soybeans.

One university found the ultimate stress reliever for students.

Michael Phelps likes boobs. Clearly.

Woman gets creative on the job hunt.

When it comes to breaking up, dudes take no consideration to the fact that the holidays are coming up and they leave you stranded during the most romantic time of the year! *ahem* Bastard *ahem*

Well we here at CollegeCandy say “Eff ‘em! We refuse to let boys ruin our holiday fun.”

So stop blasting the most depressing break up songs (Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares” = waterworks) and rocking yourself to sleep clutching a box of tissues. Instead try dancing by yourself in your room to these empowering songs that are sure to have you over the d-bag that dumped you and making out with some hottie hot-hot under the mistle toe in no time:

No Doubt – “Don’t Speak”- A little slow, and a little depressing, but everyone deserves one sad moment. “…don’t tell me cuz it hurts!”

Pink – “So What”- But you’re over it…you’re still a rockstar and he’s not.

Kandi – “Don’t Think I’m Not”-What does he think? As if YOU don’t have guys lined up around the block? Psh, boy, pleassseeeee.

Blu Cantrell – “Hit ‘em Up Style”- Wouldn’t you like to take a shopping spree courtesy of D-bag??

Frankee vs. Eamon – “F*ck It/ F*ck You Right Back”- …and I quote, “I had better sex on my own.” ‘Nuff said.

Pat Benatar – “Love Is A Battlefield”- Heartache to heartache WE STAND!

Whitney Houston – “It’s Not Right, But It’s OK”- Self-explanatory.

Beyonce – “Ring The Alarm”- Beyonce just sounds so angry it makes you angry, and anger is much better than weepy pain.

Alanis Morissette – “You Oughta Know”- I want you to know that I’m happy for you…NOT! I HATE YOU!

Britney Spears- “Stronger”- “Hush. Just. Stop.”…a little bubblegum pop is always uplifting

Nancy Sinatra – “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”- One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you(r face).

Destiny’s Child – “Survivor”- “Now that you’re outta my life I’m so much better!”

Aretha Franklin – “Respect”- Find out what it means to me, a-hole!

Chirstina Aguilera – “Fighter”- You are a strong woman, regardless of that guy. And you can totally fight him (if it came to that).

Gloria Gaynor – “I Will Survive”- Ultimate empowerment song. You will survive!

[I like to think of myself as a pretty easy going gal, and try not to sweat the small stuff. But sometimes (ok, maybe slightly more often) the general cluelessness, carelessness and overall stupididty of some things and or/people really gets to me. I find that venting is the most efficient way to rid myself of the stress that idiots, wrong meal orders, lack of cell phone ettiquette and cheese flavored products (that don’t even contain any freaking cheese!) induce. So, in an attempt to avoid an ulcer or an unfortuante road rage incident, I vent to you, dear reader. Please feel free to join in and comment about anything–really, anything–that pissed. you. off. this week. Let it all hang out. I feel you.]

Football game traffic.

Under no condition should any human be confined to a small metal box harnessed into their seats and surrounded by others doing the same thing. A sweet play list is only a small consolation for being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic as you jealously stare at drunken fans playing flip cup on their front lawns, hours ahead of your severely lacking tailgate level. The only thing worse than the knowledge of your slowly depleting gas tank is the realization that you are missing out on precious pregaming time.

Senseless Acts of Brutality.

I hope that the inclusion of the tragic events affecting Jennifer Hudson’s family on this list doesn’t seem insensitive, because I am pissed. The woman, apart from being beautiful and talented, seems like such a kind person that it’s hard to imagine how anyone could hurt her and her family. Additionally, the pain inflicted on their family is only deepened by the disappearance of Hudson’s 7-year-old nephew. However horribly inhumane it is to commit murder, to take a child from their home and place them in danger is unforgivable a thousand times over. I hope the guilty party is caught and subject to the same pain they put the Hudson family through.

Severe Under-appreciation for Kings of Leon.

This band kicks ass. Don’t believe me? Check them out. If you already know of them and their general awesome-ness, then you can back me up in saying “Why the F**K aren’t these guys owning MTV?” They’re huge everywhere else (they’ve sold twice as many albums in Britain than they have in the U.S.) so why haven’t we jumped on the band…um, wagon optional. Let’s hope that their tour de force of NYC builds a bigger fan base for these rock geniuses, because if I have to listen to Flo-Rida reiterating that this is his jam and demanding that I get my hands in the “ayer,” sh*t’s gonna get ugly.

Apatow Wannabe’s.

Seriously? I mean, the man has made some pretty hilarious films, but there has to be a point of saturation when it comes to comedies that revolve around pot, bromance and titties. Pineapple Express, Sarah Marshall, the upcoming Zack & Miri Make a Porno are all valiant attempts at comedy gold on par with Knocked Up, Superbad and 40 Year Old Virgin, but at some point plotlines surrounding slackers with hearts of gold and gratuitous nudity become a little much—never mind the fact that the same clique of guys stars in every.single.one. The Frat Pack has moved on, maybe it’s time you guys should too.

Survivor Style Jury Duty.

As if jury duty didn’t suck hard enough, the 12 jurors of Senator Ted Stevens’ corruption trial (who have been in session since September 22, BTdubs) are dropping like flies—or at least attempting to knock off their fellow flies. Thanks to one disturbed woman, who was “rude, disrespectful and unreasonable” aimed “violent outbursts” at other jury members, the foreman wrote the presiding judge a note, asking to vote her off the island coutroom. Uh, guys? It’s that senator sitting out there standing trial for tricking out his mansion with goodies given to him by the heads of Big Oil that you’re supposed to be deliberating over—not each other.

Ok, now that I’ve got my judgy rant out of the way I can take a bubble bath and center my chi. What pissed you off this week?

Is that…Brad Pitt?

Oh yeah, ‘peen in slow motion

How the world would vote for our President

Hot and Hotter get married

Surviving a broken heart: week one

 Adnan: could we hate you more?

Oh Posh…you confuse me

Laugh your abs into shape

Heather Locklear’s arrest on tape

Amy Winehouse knows she’s effed

Celebrities need protection too, okay?

Katy Perry: trying too hard?

I finally felt like there was a television show that understood me. That was, until this week. Neil, Ryan, and Amy – those fat bastards – turned the only pure television experience I have as an overweight, uninspired young woman into Survivor for fatties. Those f**kers “played the game,” which is code for turning into cowardly assholes, and gained weight on purpose thereby throwing off the whole comeradery of the show and its audience.

I am horrified, as a fan and as a person struggling with my own weight, that this show has turned into people sling-shotting their own weight to “play the game.” If that is the game, then I don’t want to watch anymore. Short of having them eat animal entrails, this show has turned into a farce. I watched because I needed to be inspired. Being foolishly inpired by these people, I have worked my way to losing 6.5 lbs. Not a big deal by any stretch, but you know what? It is time to inspire myself.

Losing weight at college, borders on f**king impossible. Between the drinking, cafeteria food and late night studying, it is NOT easy. Add to that, tomorrow is Halloween and now I have to watch all these skinny sorority ho-bags dress like french maids, or cats or whatever the hell the whore outfit is this year. All I am saying, is that I can’t look to TV shows to be inspired.

I have been writing for CollegeCandy for a while now, and all the time I have been trying to figure out where this is going. For me, it is an outlet – an outlet to try and find a way for us all to relate. Tonight, I learned it is ok to not be happy with my weight, but it is not a game. I need to take my life in my hands. Not through watching TV looking for inspiration, but rather inspiring myself at the expense of idiots who parade themselves as fools for all the world to see.

Thank you.

Generally, all he has with him are the clothes on his back, maybe a canteen for water, and a knife. Oh, and his cameraman, which I assure you I’ll get back to.

I have to say, I was pretty impressed from the get-go. The first episode I watched featured Bear trying to survive in the Serengeti, as he informed viewers how to go about avoiding lions and rhinoceros’ while trying to find civilization. Cool stuff.

But I was totally hooked when, about halfway through the episode, our hero found himself without any water. In order to survive, he picked up a pile of fresh elephant feces, squeezed it over his head, and drank the fluids that dripped out. I shit you not (no pun intended)! By all accounts, this guy looked like the real deal, and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Unfortunately, it seems as though, much like Optimus Prime, there’s more to Bear Grylls than meets the eye. According to an article seen in today’s New York Post, the man who actually drank his own urine while stranded in the Aussie Outback actually stays in posh hotels once the cameras are turned off. One episode had Bear stranded on a desert island… which turned out to be an island of Hawaii. Must have been tough to find his way out of that one.

I guess it’s only natural to have been skeptical, seeing as there’s always a guy with a camera following Bear around, and one wouldn’t think that the cameraman was totally gung-ho about drinking his piss right along with his buddy Bear. But still, I find it very disheartening to discover that he’s not actually sleeping in trees high above the Everglades in order to avoid alligators. Or that after he bites the head off a live snake, he gets catered to a nice warm meal at a hotel nearby.

Look, I’m not trying to discredit the guy. I can’t see myself drinking the juices from elephant shit for any amount of money, much less for shits and giggles. But this guy’s quickly becoming one of the more popular television personalities on the planet (not to mention a new sex symbol for hordes of adoring female fans). If he’s selling himself as braving the all the elements as a testament to his survival skills, can’t we at least expect him to actually do all the things he claims to do?