So the time had come again at Syracuse for Alcohol Awareness Week. Basically this is a week where students, okay mainly Greeks, are supposed to be more “aware” of alcohol. This “awareness” is culminated in an event called “mocktails” on Friday night. Each sorority is paired up with a frat and then they have a sober party. Not like “let’s just take a little shot beforehand” kind of sober, not “just one joint” kind of sober, not “a bottle of wine with dinner” kind of sober, but actually sober (yeah, the frats were confused about it too and asked if the mocktail money could possibly go towards the purchase of a keg).

While I’m usually the first to hop on (and steer!) the Friday night drinking train, I coudn’t help but be a wee bit reluctant to get my ticket for the Friday night sober train. I mean, really, what could that possibly be like? Unfortunately (or fortunately if you like to look at your mocktail glass as being half full) the thing about the Friday night sober train was that it was mandatory and my ticket had been purchased for me.

So, you ask, what goes on at a completely sober party? And how do people party withut the aid of mind numbing alcohol? Below is a pro/con list of my sober Friday night experience. And let me tell you; getting ready for the party without playing 3 games of Kings was a very strange feeling…

Con: (Yes, I’m starting with a con, cause that’s how the night started.) Upon arrival, things look like a middle school dance: boys on one side, girls on the other. Socialization seems to be severely impaired by this new idea of sobriety.

Pro: The thing about drinking a mocktail is that they don’t make you want to vomit! Yay! Pro!

Con: Unfortunately, other thing about mocktails is that they turned out to be a pitcher of Kool-Aid…

Pro: As the night went on, my make-up stayed in place, my hair stayed where I put it, and I ended the night without looking like a clown!

Con: It turns out people are generally confused about what to do without alcohol. Without some sort of set activity or drinking game, people seem to not really know what to do with themselves, leading to much couch sitting.

Pro: Not spending money on alcohol led to some pretty sweet decorations: aka streamers

Con: Soberly, dancing consisted only of girls; I guess guys are not as interested in dancing if they don’t have alcohol to lend confidence to their moves

Pro: Alcohol-free parties apparently include snacks! Delicious snacks! Gotta replace those alcohol calories some way…

Con: Time seems to drag on when you were sober. You know how when you are drunk suddenly you look up and its 5 AM? That doesn’t happen when you are sober…It’s 9:15 and then what seems like an hour later…it is 9:18…

Pro: Okay I’m out of pros.

Call me an alcoholic if you will, but after a week of stressful classes I want a cocktail, not a mocktail. Sure, having to do this once didn’t ruin my life, but this Friday I’m gonna have to drink a few extra shots of Svedka to make up for it…

Walking around Soho on a Saturday afternoon is generally a trying experience. As I struggled my way through thousands of shoppers and tourists heading down towards Canal Street, I looked up to see the newest billboard for Svedka vodka and stopped dead in my tracks. “90% of New York socialites prefer Svedka over eating.” Pan to my jaw dropping.

The ads use a female robot promoting what life and drinking might be like in the year 2033. The robot is, not surprisingly, large breasted and big assed. Using the female form to sell alcohol is not a new concept. According to Svedka however “The Future of Adult Entertainment” seems to also involve stereotyping homosexuals, and encouraging starvation. The taglines bring a new low to the world of booze peddling. The advertising agents have gone so far as to say “people are intrigued because we all secretly want to have sex with a robot.” Really? Robot sex is never something that titillated me, but who knows what I’ll be into in 10 years.

As much as I find most of these ads totally deplorable, there is one billboard that makes me smile every time. It says, “18 Billion Scientologists can’t be wrong.” Making fun of scientologists is always funny.

I guess Svedka really needed this campaign. It certainly has received a lot of attention, and the buzz surrounding the campaign has at least caused most of us to forget the Lindsay Lohan birthday debacle.

Despite all of Svedka’s sexy smoke and mirrors, there is no disguising the cheap brownpaper sack aftertaste of this extremely unpleasant vodka.