As a college student, I think it is most important that we all sit down once and a while and think about all the things we’ve learned in our years. Not necessarily academic things, because lord knows I don’t remember a thing from freshmen year, but the important things: life, love, the pursuit of happiness, etc. etc.

I do this quite regularly during classes (I think it’s called “zoning out” or “not paying attention”), and recently realized the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned.

Now please pay very close attention and re-read if necessary, because what I’m about to share with you is very, very valuable and apparently very, very difficult for college students to grasp:

Sweatpants are not meant to be worn in public, ever.

Before you even utter the word “comfortable,” bite your tongue. They are unflattering, lazy, and meant to be worn at home. Anything that has the word “sweat” in it should not be worn in public, and that should have been self-explanatory.

I don’t mean to reprimand you, dear reader…you know I love you…but I can’t go on in a world like this. The next person I see with “Juicy,” “Victoria’s Secret,” “Pink” or any other word written over their derrière, gets pantsed.

To avoid public humiliation, browse through these photos of unforgivable fashion.

initiating the gallery...

Somehow you ended up with four 9am classes this semester. WTF? You can barely get up for your kickboxing class at noon on Fridays, and someone expects you to make it to class (ready to learn!?) by 8:50am the rest of the week?

Oh hell no.

You hope your professor doesn’t expect you to look presentable. Hell, he should just be happy you left yourself enough time to brush your teeth. Your morning routine is always the same: you roll out of bed at 8:30, grab the first pair of sweats you can find on the floor, throw your hair into a ponytail and run out of the house. You pop into the campus coffee shop en route to lecture and grab a coffee (“Giant, please!”) and something to munch on (“Give me the butteriest bagel you’ve got back there”).

What? It’s early and you need comfort.

You slide into your seat just as the Power Point appears on the wall in front of you. If it weren’t for the food, you’d probably fall right back to sleep – you’re just so comfortable. When class is over, you go to your next class, or to the library, or home for a nap. Whichever you choose, you sport the sweats for the rest of the day: through the classes, the breaks, the meals…

You spend so much time in your sweatpants during the week, in fact, that when the weekend comes and it is time to wear something that doesn’t say “Pink” across the ass you have trouble getting into them. No, not motivating yourself to get dressed; actually getting into them. After the first few weeks of classes your clothes feel a bit snug but you can still make em work (“I must have shrunk these a bit in the dryer….”). As the semester wears on, however, putting on your going-out-jeans has become a sweaty workout.

When the pants stop moving at your thighs, you begin to pull harder. You grab the belt loops and yank, squeezing your thighs, butt and belly into the denim sausage casing. Then you jump around a bit. Then you lay on the bed and see if that helps. If you finally do get those suckers closed, you start lunging around your room, doing squats, and sitting down to see if the denim gives a little bit.

It does not, but you’ve already tried on every other pair in your closet and these fit the best. You decide they will have to do. You throw on a loose shirt on top (to camoflauge the muffin top), throw back a few more drinks and head out.

Your legs and feet begin to fall asleep at some point in the night due to decreased circulation. You have trouble bending your knees to get up the stairs to exit the bar. Your jeans nearly tear as you sit in the cab. When you finally get home and peel those things off  – and notice the deep red line across your belly – you know you’ve got to do something.

It is then that you vow never to wear sweats to class again; those elastic waistbands are far more forgiving of the donuts, the bagels and the sugary Fraps you fill yourself with on a daily basis. (Note: when sober you also realize that cutting those things out of your diet may be a good idea, too.)

We know how you feel. We’ve all had the sweat pant weight gain before. Just get up for that kickboxing class and you’ll be OK.

First let’s refer to page 82, in which we receive advice on what to name our guy’s man parts. I don’t even care that actual males suggested the names “Shaftzilla” and “Big Daddy’s Cane”; don’t you remember when Kate Hudson tried to name Matthew McConaughey’s parts Princess Sophia?! Please, ladies: don’t name his parts unless you’re trying to lose your guy in (less than) 10 days.

And then in the article “For Keeps” we are told to throw away our sweat pants if we want to make sure we don’t lose our sexual energy in relationships. WHAT?! THROW AWAY MY COVETED SWEATPANTS? A world without sweat pants would be a terrible, terrible place. I understand the whole idea here – sweatpants aren’t sexy – but no man is important enough for me to ditch that luxurious feeling of slipping into sweats after a long day. I say, don’t throw away your “anti-lingerie,” as Cosmo calls them, just be sure to mix a little lacy lingerie in there once in awhile.

Cosmo also tells us to ditch our panties to get an adrenaline rush from breaking the rules. I mean, I’m all for going commando (especially when it’s been three weeks since I last did my laundry….(, but whatever happened to good old bungee jumping? If you’re going without panties for comfort and freedom, then by all means ditch ‘em, but doing it for the rush is, well… strange.

I must say, however, that I was rather impressed with the advice given in “100 Relationship Questions Answered in 20 Words or Less.” Maybe it’s because they finally shut up and stopped overanalyzing, but the advice wasn’t too bad… at least for some of the questions. Some questions, on the other hand, left me wondering….

How long should we date before living together?

Cosmo Says: A year.
Arielle Says: Really, Cosmo? I didn’t know there was a scientific method to measure how long a couple should wait before they move in together. A couple should move in together as soon as they feel ready, whether that’s 6 months or 5 years.

I cheated, but I want to stay together. Do I confess?

Cosmo Says: No. Figure out why you did it, then put your effort into fixing that aspect of the relationship.
Arielle Says: Umm, aren’t relationships based off of honesty and trust? If you’re not mature enough to tell the truth, you might not be mature enough to move forward in your relationship.

He gave me his number. When should I call?

Cosmo Says: After 48 hours. Any later and it’s a ploy; any earlier and it’s desperate.
Arielle Says: Way to perpetuate the game, Cosmo. Think about it: if we sat around for two days straight waiting for a guy we met to call, we’d be pretty upset. Why should we do that to them? Don’t worry about the numbers. If you want to talk to the guy, give him a ring! He didn’t give you his number so you could wait to call him; he gave it to you because he wants you to call. So pick up that phone!

When is the right time to say “I love you?”

Cosmo Says: Wait at least 90 days. It takes that long to know if it’s not just lust.
Arielle Says: Well this is another scientific method I’m unaware of. And who’s counting the days, anyway? Just say it when you’re ready, girlfriend!

When it comes to many things in life, including fashion, I’m a fan of odd, quirky things that leave people asking questions. No, I’m not going to start wearing fairy wings like one of the girls on What Not To Wear, but I did pick up a pair of pants last week that totally fit the bill. They were a pair of skinny pants by Fragile I found at T.J. Maxx for seventeen bucks, but which retail for $29 (sweet!). Had they not been at T.J. Maxx, I never would have fallen in love, as they are typically sold at Hot Topic, a store I haven’t stepped into since my friend’s goth days in high school.

The pants look like jeans, but function somewhat like sweat pants in that you basically pull them on and button the single button at the top. They feature back pockets, faux front pockets, and no zipper, so you can imagine my surprise when I took them off the hanger and unbuttoned them in the dressing room to discover… pants that were not actually jeans. I tried them on anyway and loved how they looked. They are low rise, so you can avoid that weird baggy look around your danger zone and are stretchy to fit a broader range of body shapes (they come in letter sizes instead of number sizes – pants for all!).

I would say that they are comparable to denim leggings, although I prefer these Fragile pants since they look more like jeans and aren’t so skin tight that they literally outline every cellulite bump on your legs. The leg openings are also not super small, so you won’t look too unbalanced if you have wider hips. They are amazingly comfortable, like sweatpants, but just way more chic.

These pants are definitely the answer to every college girl’s fashion dilemma: chic sweatpants? That you can wear to class? And not look schlumpy? I think it’s time we all made a run to Hot Topic.

Oh hell no.

You hope your professor doesn’t expect you to look presentable. Hell, he should just be happy you left yourself enough time to brush your teeth. Your morning routine is always the same: you roll out of bed at 8:30, grab the first pair of sweats you can find on the floor, throw your hair into a ponytail and run out of the house. You pop into the campus coffee shop en route to lecture and grab a coffee (“Giant, please!”) and something to munch on (“Give me the butteriest bagel you’ve got back there”).

What? It’s early and you need comfort.

You slide into your seat just as the Power Point appears on the wall in front of you. If it weren’t for the food, you’d probably fall right back to sleep; you’re just so comfortable. When class is over, you go to your next class, or to the library, or home for a nap. Whichever you choose, you sport the sweats for the rest of the day: through the classes, the breaks, the meals…

You spend so much time in your sweatpants during the week, in fact, that when the weekend comes and it is time to wear something that doesn’t say “Pink” across the ass you have trouble getting into them. No, not motivating yourself to get dressed; actually getting into them. After the first few weeks of classes your clothes feel a bit snug but you can still make em work (“I must have shrunk these a bit in the dryer….”). As the semester wears on, however, putting on your going-out-jeans has become a sweaty workout.

When the pants stop moving at your thighs, you begin to pull harder. You grab the belt loops and yank, squeezing your thighs, butt and belly into the denim sausage casing. Then you jump around a bit. Then you lay on the bed and see if that helps. If you finally do get those suckers closed, you start lunging around your room, doing squats, and sitting down to see if the denim gives a little bit.

It does not, but you’ve already tried on every other pair in your closet and these fit the best. You decide they will have to do. You throw on a loose shirt on top (to camoflauge the muffin top), throw back a few more drinks and head out.

Your legs and feet begin to fall asleep at some point in the night due to decreased circulation. You have trouble bending your knees to get up the stairs to exit the bar. Your jeans nearly tear as you sit in the cab. When you finally get home and peel those things off  – and notice the deep red line across your belly – you know you’ve got to do something.

It is then that you vow never to wear sweats to class again; those elastic waistbands are far more forgiving of the donuts, the bagels and the sugary Fraps you fill yourself with on a daily basis. (Note: when sober you also realize that cutting those things out of your diet may be a good idea, too.)

We know how you feel. We’ve all had the sweat pant weight gain before. Just get up for that kickboxing class and you’ll be OK.

Many people don’t realize that after walking around campus breaking in those new skinny jeans or working hard at that killer internship that the first thing you’ll want to do is throw on something comfortable upon dorm/apartment arrival. Here is a guide of what to look for while shopping for new loungewear.

PJ’s: Do not, I repeat DO NOT wear your pajamas to class! No matter how cute/expensive they are, nothing screams “I don’t give a sh*t about how I look” more than rocking a pair of ‘jammies to your Chem lecture. This may be acceptable for some of you who have super early (Read: 8 am) classes and labs, but try to wear them sparingly (and absolutely NO P.J.’s of any kind after noon); it’s kind of hard for your professor to take you seriously when your bottoms are covered in violet tiaras and have the word “Princess” inscribed on the butt in fuschia fabric glitter.

Wearing your pajamas are definitely okay in your dorm, since very few people will see you in them (and if they do, they will also be wearin’ em). Just remember to be smart about your pajama options, since you never know what you’ll have on when fire alarm inevitably goes off at 3 a.m. (Note: racy lingerie will not keep you warm as you sit outside for an hour). Victoria’s Secret’s PINK line is pretty much the official wardrobe of most college girls, but American Eagle’s Aerie collection also offers pajamas in simple plaid and polka dot patterns in soft, but not too girly, colors.

Sweats: Sweats are a college staple, but these should also be used sparingly, since sweats can go from ho-hum to homeless in mere seconds. They are perfect for class, studying, lounging, eating, errands…and the occassional low key night of drinking. These can be bought pretty much anywhere and come in all different styles and colors. The comfiest pair of sweats I own actually are a couple sizes too big and came from a sporting goods store, so keep your eye out for a reliable pair of sweats during all shopping excursions.

Yoga Pants: Usually reserved for the gym/yoga and pilates classes, these babies are starting a become a campus norm. I must admit that these are my longewear favorite; I feel my absolute sexiest in a pair of yoga pants and basic fitted tee in an attention grabbing color. A good pair of yoga pants can outline your curves without cutting off your circulation, so make sure you try them on before buying them. So Low pants are a college girl classic, but this type of pant can easily be purchased in the Ladies’ Sportswear section of your local Target or Walmart store for a more reasonable price.

Hoodies: Hoodies are pretty much a part of the required college kid wardrobe. They can easily be be paired with sweats and pants and can be bought from just about anywhere. Other than collegiate licensed hoodies, VS PINK and Delia’s both offer hoodies of various colors and prints.(Note: VS PINK now has Collegiate Collection of hoodies and sweats paired with logos of certain well known schools. Check to see if your school is included here)

Have a little fun with your loungewear shopping; make a day trip out of it with your girls and don’t forget to shop around for different styles and budget friendly prices. Still need a little guidance? Briana of College Fashion has selected a few of her loungewear favorites.

Just beware: the Freshman 15 doesn’t feel so bad when you are only donning elastic waist pants. Try throwing jeans and other real clothes into the mix to avoid getting too comfortable.