My top contender for Halloween costume this year is “The Swine Flu.” Who knew dressing up as a pig could be so dangerous?  But in all seriousness, swine flu is still among us, and no matter what your college is doing to protect you (read: installing bottles of antibacterial everywhere), we must protect ourselves.

Here are ten tips students should heed when battling the Swine Flu.

10.  Let’s take a look on the bright side. Swine flu is giving you a reason to avoid those all-nighters in the library. The best way to stay healthy is to get a good night’s sleep. Exhaustion will weaken your immune system. So if you happen to opt for sleep instead of a problem set, never fear. When you’re teacher asks where your homework is, just say the swine flu ate it.

9. Wash your hands frequently. I never leave the house without a bottle of Purell, and these days I’m getting stingy with sharing it. Hygiene is key. If you can’t take the flu, stay out of the pig’s pen.

8.  If you feel sick, stay home! You’re not going to impress the hottie in your Bio class if you come into Lab looking like death warmed over. You’ll be labeled the Swine-Spreader and there goes your good reputation.  Next thing you know, you’ll be have to eat your lunch with the Mono-Makeout Slut.

7. Speaking of makeout sluts… Now’s a good time to get your urge to kiss under wraps. Kissing may be like a handshake for you, but you’re going to be exchanging more than a hello with this swap of spit. The Swine Flu is sneaky and it’s looking to sow its wild oats. It will wait for you to put your beer goggles on and then it’ll plant a wet and germy one right on your lips. Beware. Read More »

The hottest thing in fashion right now: the Swine Flu mask.

But while that thing probably prevents you from catching those nasty pork germs flying through the air, I refuse to wear one. Not only do you have to spend the day breathing in your own nasty coffee breath (what, just me?), but those things are U-G-L-Y (they ain’t got no alibi…).

They also happen to ruin my perfectly (and painstakingly) straightened hair and don’t really go with the look I’m trying to pull off. Because my “look” isn’t “nurse.”

But, being that college campuses are being infiltrated by this not-so-deadly disease, I listened to my mom and jumped on the mask bandwagon. (The woman sent me a box of these things with a note that said, “Think of this as a condom for your face and don’t leave home without it! Even to the bar!”) I am not sure how I am expected to knock back a few cold ones with this thing on, but I do know that the mask is a blank canvas and is just asking to be glammed up for every occasion.

So, I bring you: Swine Flu Fashion. Who says you can’t be safe and still look totally ferosh? Read More »