No, this list is a top ten-style countdown about the hard-hitting issues, like which mash-ups are the best ever or which apps rock my world.

This week, as we round out 2009, I’ve picked out our favorite media-buzz worthy events of the year. Keep in mind that this list will include a lot more cheating and Ed Hardy than Healthcare reform and economic crashes. (Sorry Madoff, I’m just not that into you).

10. Letterman Gets “Creepy” With His Staff
And somehow still comes out looking like the man for fessing up. Undesirable actions, admirable apology. Take note…

9. Tiger Woods
He’s changing his name to “Cheetah.”

8. Lady Gaga Takeover
As the year progressed, so did the world’s love for Gaga. Opening up the year with “Poker Face” and “Just Dance,” Gaga inspired many Halloween costumes, a rediscovered love for good pop music and rounded out the year with the inspired and wacky “Bad Romance.”

7. Chris Brown/Rihanna Debacle
From the horrific picture, to the Jet-skiing in Miami, to the interviews to the blue bowtie, Chris Brown is forever immortalized as an abusive, disgusting a-hole. Let’s not give this douche bag a comeback, please.

6. Swine Flu
I can’t believe I’m going to one day look back on Swine Flu as a serious “epidemic” that captivated the world and brought out those useless paper masks. Luckily, we were able to make them fashionable.

5. Jon Gosselin Gets Douchier, World Gets Dumber
Forget about Swine Flu, Gosselin was the biggest pig of the year. I am so looking forward to 2010 where hopefully the media doesn’t concern themselves with what type of menthol cigarettes this a-hole father went and bought at the local 7-11 in his spanking new bedazzled Ed Hardy shirt. Woof.

4. Obama’s Peace Prize
Seriously, why was this news? Slash, why did he get this award, again? Which brings us to another important, undeserved award…

“3. Yo, Taylor. I’m Really Happy For You, and Imma Let You Finish…”
But this had to have been the most unnecessary overplayed story OF ALL TIME. Also, cut my boy Kanye a break.

2. Balloon Boy
The most riveting moment of television this year involved watching an empty balloon fly around for two hours.

1. RIP: Everyone in Hollywood
Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson. You name ‘em, they bit it this year. Heaven got a little more Beverly Hills glamour after this year.

Most experts will tell you to wash your hands or get the vaccine to protect yourself from H1N1. Leave it to Cosmo to offer up some sexier alternatives.

Somehow, I think a dude was behind this one: “Babe, I think we should try doggy style tonight. You know, to stay safe.”

It does suck that we’ve got to start thinking about time management so that we don’t totally bomb finals, even though there are a ton of more important global issues on our minds right now, such as “Is Prince William suddenly fugly?” and “How good is Taylor Swift, really?” And then there’s that new “desire drug,” something I certainly wouldn’t want to find in my stocking (…if I had a stocking).

In the midst of all this turmoil, maybe it’d be best just to focus on the positive side of The Season. Gift giving and getting, pumpkin pie, red Starbucks cups—whenever you start to get overwhelmed with everything that comes along with late November and December, try to take a deep breath and remember what’s great about the holidays. Or, you know, make a list of all the things you hate, if you think it’ll make you feel better.

FML.

You roll out from underneath your covers to turn off your alarm clock. You’ve got a very busy day ahead of you: three classes, a group meeting and a date with your roommates to catch up on Glee from the past three weeks. Everything has been so busy lately you haven’t had time to eat a meal, let alone get your weekly dose of Finn. If you’re not sleeping, you’re in class, and if you’re not there you’re in the library, oftentimes well past midnight.

And it’s finally catching up to you.

As you try to rouse yourself out of bed, you feel it. Your head hurts, you can’t swallow and your whole body just feels achy. You walk to the bathroom to wash up, hoping it’s just one of those “I slept with my mouth open” deals; it will go away in a few minutes.

Only it doesn’t. In fact, bending over the sink to splash some water on your face makes you dizzy and angers the little men pounding hammers against the inside of your skull. It’s official: you’re sick.

“Oh god. Could it be Swine Flu??”

You crawl back to your room and sit down at your computer. You enter your symptoms into WebMD figure out your diagnosis/rule out any deadly diseases. You learn that you either have the flu… or meningitis. Either way, you need to take your temperature, which you cannot do since you don’t have a thermometer. Maybe you can just sleep it off?

Before getting back into bed, you send a quick email your professors/group members/roommates to let them know that you are sick. You do not mention the word “flu”; you don’t need anyone sending you to the Swine Flu quarantine, thankyouverymuch.

Your body is really hurting now so you shut your computer and climb back into bed. You’re thirsty, you’re achy and, dammit, you want your mom. So you call her. Yeah, she’s over 6 hours away, but at least she’ll tell you what to do… and feel bad for you.

And feel bad she does. She tells you to drink lots of fluids, get lots of rest and call her when you wake up. Even though you knew all of those things, just talking to her makes you feel a little better. You hang up, roll over and go back to sleep.

When you wake up a few hours later you’re feeling worse. You try to drink some water but you can’t swallow. And forget eating; even the thought of a piece of toast makes your stomach churn. You debate going to the health center; those “doctors” a joke and that requires getting dressed and walking across campus. But what other choice do you have? You call your mom.

After getting a sufficient amount of pity and love from mama (“Oh honey, you know I’d bring you soup if I was there.”), you decide to go to the doctor. You pull on your biggest sweats, put your hair up in a ponytail, throw on your glasses and head out. You look like crap and you know it, but you don’t care. As unflattering as those men’s sweatpants are, you still feel a hell of a lot worse than you look. As you walk past other students laughing on their way to class you silently curse the world, asking the guy upstairs why you have to be sick. And why is the health center so far away? And why does everything hurt so badly?

Eventually you make it, sign in and sit down in the room full of coughing students, closing your eyes in hopes it will make your headache go away. 45 minutes and two phone calls to mom later, the doctor calls you in. She spends 6 minutes examining you – which includes questions on your sexual history for some reason – then tells you it’s the flu, there’s nothing she can do and you just need lots of fluid and lots of rest. Then she places her gloved hand on the small of your back and pushes you out of her office so she can let the next sickling in.

You call your mom again on the way home to whine a little more. Then again when you’re back in bed. Then again when your roommate brings you chicken soup that isn’t nearly as good as hers. Then you turn off the phone, dive under your covers and fall asleep. At 7 p.m. Missing yet another week of Glee.

Yeah, we’ve all been there.
There is nothing quite like being sick to make you hate your life and miss your mommy.

You know what I'd be thankful for? If Swine Flu wiped out the cast of The Hills.

Every week I write a list. Some people say I’m like David Letterman, only without that whole sexual scandal thing. Or gray hair. Or late night talk show. So, really, the only thing that D.L. and I have in common is our love of a Top 10 List. And what’s not to love? That’s why I bring ‘em to you every week. The real deal. The good stuff. The world’s most important issues.

You know, like stupid celebrities and things that piss me off on Facebook.

This week, in light of the upcoming treasured holiday, I started thinking about all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for: my family, the boy, YSL lipstick and, of course, the inevitable huge delicious meal my mama’s going to prepare this week. But that’s all kinda boring. I mean, who isn’t thankful for YSL lipstick family? So instead, I decided to count down the 10 things I’m un-thankful for this holiday season (or any season, for that matter).

10. The Swine
H1N1 or any other strain of the flu that everyone seems to have caught this year. Stay away.

9. Speidi
I don’t know how many times I can say it.

8. The Bump-it
I’m over this look, and what the hell? How is this a real thing?

7. Any douchey daddy drama in the celeb world.
I’m looking at you, Michael Lohan

6. Ugg boots
I don’t care that they’re comfy. They’re hideous and o-v-e-r.

5. Twilight
And New Moon. And the actors that I want to slap whenever I see their faces. And all that “I hate being famous” from Kristen Stewart. And the relationship rumors. And anything pertaining to this useless franchise.

R.Pat’s hair can stay.

4. Any and all Taylor Swift music
The girl is officially over-rated. Pretty sure I’ve got Kanye on my side on this one.

3. Ridiculous cleanses
Particularly the Blueprint cleanse. I don’t understand why anyone would starve themselves and suck down juice for three days to get cleansed… only to down an entire pizza the moment the whole cleansing process is over. Ughhh.

2. The amount of calories I’m going to consume on Thursday.
Which, by the way, is an average of 5,000 calories. Do you even know how many hours that is on the elliptical? Well don’t tell me. I don’t even want to think about it.

1. Levi Johnston

But even though the holiday isn’t here yet, your girls at CC have already found plenty of things to be thankful for. These include but are not limited to:

-       Realizing that we we’re perfectly happy without needing to look at copious pictures of dicks. Note: the link leads to a post, not to said dick pictures.

-       The Oxford English Dictionary finally validating our Facebook obsession.

-       The Swine Flu vaccine—or not.

-       Debunked diet rules. I always had an inkling that eating ice cream after 9 PM wouldn’t be any worse than eating it in the afternoon. Or in the morning. Or right now…

-       Wiser, more experienced girls who can teach us how to impress brothers and sisters at a Greek formal or what to do when sex stops being polite and starts getting real.

-       Embarrassing party photos, as long as they’re taken of somebody else

-       Our parents, even when they’re driving us absolutely insane. That goes double for our roommates.

-       Adorable professors who make waking up at the crack of dawn worth it.

-       Fierce school rivalries, for keeping college sports interesting.

-       And New Moon, I guess, if you’re into that.

Ew. Ow. Shots. Ew.

At this point, Swine Flu (or H1N1 if we want to be politically correct) has been branded into our consciousness. It seems like we can’t go anywhere without seeing a poster or a commercial telling us to protect ourselves. Suddenly the lessons we learned in grammar school are being made into multi-million dollar ad campaigns. “Wash your hands! Cover your mouth when you cough!”

It’s a little ridiculous how much everyone is freaking out. Then again, whenever I see someone sneeze I run in the other direction in fear that I will soon sprout a tail and oink all the way to the emergency room. So am I avoiding this swine flu like the plague? Hell yes. But when it comes to the vaccine, I’m not as sure.

I want to be as protected as possible, but I also don’t want to throw myself under the bus by injecting this mysterious killer into my blood stream. I talk to one person and feel like it’s the best thing since sliced bread, then the next minute someone else has me convinced that I would be making the worse mistake of my life.

It’s painfully clear: I’m torn.

Love It

Isn’t this what everyone has been praying for? Since this thing emerged we’ve been sitting with fingers crossed in our surgical masks and rubber gloves while researchers searched for a vaccine to prevent it, and now it’s finally here. Research also says that college students are at the highest risk for serious infection and even with those Purell bottles in every lecture hall/classroom/dorm on campus, it seems stupid to even consider not getting the vaccine. Why wouldn’t I protect myself if given the chance? Plus, I can get it super cheap (if not for free) at my school’s health center. It really seems like a no-brainer.

Loathe It

Okay, I’ve heard one too many horror stories and I’m not having it. Some people have had horrible reactions to the vaccine; others have been infected and gotten really sick afterward. I’m trying to avoid this virus at all costs, so it seems pretty stupid to willingly let someone inject it into my body. Plus I hate needles with a passion (especially when they are filled with the Swine) so it seems like a better deal to  just go hang out in the health center next to Sniffy McSniffles, inhale some of whatever he’s got and hope my body fights it off and gets stronger. Plus, I’ve never gotten the flu shot before and have always managed to come out of flu season unscathed, so why start now?

What do you guys think? Yay or neigh oink for the Swine Flu vaccine?

This guy is the least of your germ problems.

Despite the fact that I ran around for weeks downing Airbourne and bathing myself in hand sanitizer, I couldn’t outrun the flu and it currently has me severely down and out (don’t worry I’m not about to sprout a curly tail over here, it’s just our regular old seasonal pal).

As I spent the weekend lying in bed, underneath a pile of tissues and cough drop wrappers, I attempted to retrace my steps. Where did I go wrong? The first thing that popped into my head was a toilet. I mean, aren’t public restrooms pretty much the dirtiest places we visit? But I am positive that I had maintained sturdy squats never losing balance and always flushing with my shoe…

So where could I have picked up this infections, atrocious and nastalicious flu?

Apparently, the possibilities are endless. Well, not totally endless. It turns out the toilet is the least likely culprit. The porcelain god may be dirty, but it is cleaner than a lot of things we encounter every day. The worst part? We don’t even realize the things that are swimming in bacteria. Gross bacteria. The kind that definitely caused whatever has taken over my poor little body.

Here’s a list of some of the culprits to watch out for. Be careful out there, people, or you may be joining me in my germ infested death bed come next weekend.

Purses. Researchers found hundreds of thousands of germs present on a woman’s purse, which included fecal bacteria, cold viruses and viruses that cause diarrhea. Pretty freakin’ gross. But I know none of us are going to throw out our gorgeous patent leather Kooba (or should I say Poo-ba) hobo, so if your bag has touched the ground (and who’s hasn’t) leave it there. Keep that beauty away from tables, desks or your bed so the germs stay as far away from you as possible.

Computer Keyboards. The gross truth is that you’d collect fewer bacteria if you rubbed your hands over a toilet seat than if you sat down and typed out an essay (one study found that the keyboard had 60 times more germs per square inch then a toilet in a public restroom). Bottom line: clean your keyboard! You can mix some dishwashing liquid on a damp towel and wipe the keyboard and screen down; you’d be amazed at how many of those little suckers you’d be killing off.

Towels. Since the majority of us live in dorms this couldn’t be more important. First off, NEVER put your towel down anywhere in a communal bathroom or let it sit in a heap on your bedroom floor. Regular old flu viruses are the least of your worries at this point; students have gotten staph infections that result in permanent scars and even death from having their wet towels laying around in a pile, or touching someone else’s and then reusing them. (Also, oils from your skin build up on towels creating bacteria that cause acne, so washing towels once a week is a must to keep our skin zit-free!)

Cell Phones. You know that device you have glued to your ear the entire day? It’s filthy (and I’m not talking about those naughty photos you’ve been sending around…). Bacteria that cause nasty annoyances like pimples and boils and life threatening illnesses like pneumonia and meningitis have all been found lurking on your Blackberry. Never lay your phone down on desks in class or tables in the caf, and disinfect it on a daily basis because our skin creates the most harmful bacteria. That’s right dropping our cells into a toilet would probably clean them off a little.

Lindsay Lohan. Or any other skanky starlet for that matter. Steer clear; you don’t need whatever they’re carrying lurking in your air space. This also applies to skanky starlet wannabe’s running around your campus swapping spit and bodily fluids with god knows who.

Grossed out? Me too. I’m going to go douse my entire life in Pine-Sol now.
I suggest you do the same.

Yeah, that's my life savings right there.

Because I’m making six pennies a year in my job after taxes, I follow a very strict budget that allows me to afford a moderate amount of food and a moderate amount of fun. There is no room for a savings plan in my budget so I just figured if I was extra careful nothing would ever go wrong.

Then last week everything went wrong.

I spilled sangria (or water according to the troubleshooting report I made to Apple) on my laptop, I dropped my straightener one time too many and it broke, and I found out my parent’s insurance company is onto me no longer being a student and has dropped me. For those of you non-accounting majors out there, that’s about 5 billion dollars worth of problems.

I had a minor panic attack. And by minor I mean I opened my window, stood on the ledge for a few moments, and thought about who I would haunt if I came back as a ghost. Then logic hit me and I realized that because I’m only one floor up I would just break a bunch of bones, sending me to the hospital and making my lack of insurance problem even worse.

So instead of jumping I thought of my other options. Luckily my grandparents who live in the city had a laptop I could borrow until I figured you out what to do about my laptop-turned-coaster. Unluckily it was designed for the partially blind. I’ve seen desktop computers more portable than this laptop. Hell, I’ve seen elephants smaller than this thing. The screen was about a football field long and the font was visible from space. This proved to be more than an inconvenience when I was blogging at WiFi cafes.  I was writing about STDs for one blog and let’s just say the employees at the cafe did not enjoy being able to read about gonorrhea while serving coffee. So not only did I have to blog from home all week, but I’m pretty sure I’m on a sex offender list now.

Which might have worked out better anyway considering my straightener situation. I can’t live without it  (or go into public places) because my hair’s naturally a combination of straight, curly, frizzy, and balding. Right now I have the iron permanently turned on hoping it’s just messing with me and still works. While I have no patience for a straighter with a sense of humor, I would take it if it means running those two hot plates of heaven through my unruly mane.

And as far as health insurance goes, well, it’s hard to get sick when you’re not leaving the house, right? And if I somehow do catch the Swine Flu, I’ll just steal someone’s identity who has insurance and load up on the meds.

In the meantime I’ll have to consider starting some kind of plan for saving. And by that I mean working on my pick-pocketing skills… or selling this laptop by the pound.

The Jonas Brothers are NOT breaking up, OK?

Fight the flu naturally!

What exactly is going on here?

Is Josh Duhamel a cheater??

Miley’s got some freaky-ass fans.

What makes a man bad in bed?