They’re trooping off to the polls in the biting November chill, snug in their Uggs and North Faces zipped to the collars. They’re waking up too early and standing around in long lines for something that isn’t free food. They’re American college students, and they are voting.

Smell that? That’s the smell of freedom. Also, American college students don’t shower much.

Are you with them – or are you against them? Political nihilists beware: the jaded, “The-electoral-college-it’s-a-broken-system-f**k-I’m-moving-to-the-Moon” attitude won’t get you anywhere this year, because cynicism is out and passion is in! If it’s such a big stick up your ass, go vote for Bob Barr or something. If he’s not on the ballot, write-in “John from College Candy.” But please, do go and vote.

And what about this evening? You probably don’t have anything important to do while you watch poll results stream in, and “Nation’s First Black President” or “Nation’s First Woman Vice President” are both perfectly acceptable reasons to skip all your classes tomorrow. This means you should drink! Read More »

Come Tuesday, it’s gonna be fight or flight, sink or swim, with us or against us. Come Tuesday, the dice are gonna be rolled and the chips will fall where they may and they shall inherit the wind. Come Tuesday, it’ll be to be or not to be. Come Tuesday, it is going to be on.

So are you ready to throw down – old school American style?

That’s right, there’s nothing more patriotic than voting, except maybe voting in your authentic replica tri-corner cap with a leg amputation after a Redcoat shot you in the knee. Now, I know we’re all good patriots here, right?

So if you don’t know what you’re doing on the Fourth, here’s your quick and dirty primer.

Electioneering: Don’t Do It

Sort of like Imagineering, except that it’s against the law. Your convictions may be strong as an ancient oak and hot as a raging forest fire, but when you’re at the polls, leave the shirts, buttons, hats, g-strings and any other paraphernalia endorsing a candidate or party at home. Poll workers will require that anything with a candidate’s name, face, logo or political slogan will be either covered up or removed — and there are some things you’d probably rather be wearing while you’re in that giant mass of voting public. Read More »