Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Two guys at a giant party.)

Guy 1: What? The cops are coming now?

Guy 2: Yo, don’t touch my ass, bro.

Guy 1: I’ll touch your ass. I’ll touch your ass as much as I want.

(Girl, guy, looking at beer in the package store.)

Girl: What’s Winter Lager?

Guy: Oh, it’s Dan’s. He’s in a relationship with it.

(Noises from the loudest party in the world.)

Everyone: THREE … TWO … ONE ..  Open your mouth! Open your mouth!

Guy: *loud grunting*

Everyone: Do it again! Do it again!

(Grad students, talking after a lecture.)

Woman 1: My students don’t respect me.

Woman 2: Like, what kind of disrespect?

Woman 1: I heard one of them saying I had a “Texas booty.”

(Swiss exchange student and American, talking after class.)

American: Probably think we’re all pretty stupid, huh.

Swiss student: No, no. We love you, despite your inaccurate timepieces.

(Girl, raising her hand in class.)

Prof: Yes?

Girl: Okay … one question. What is a harem?

(Girls, looking at turkeys in a grocery store.)

Girl 1: There’s no way out of this, huh?

Girl 2: Maybe if my dad would help me. But he’s just a stupid dog. Bark, bark.

(Guy at a package store.)

Guy: Fifty dollars? Is it worth it?

Clerk: It’s made by an alcoholic. Alcoholics know their stuff.

Guy: Yeah, guess so.

Clerk: Trust me, I would know.

(Girls, walking back from a party.)

Girl 1: Happy Thanksoween!

Girl 2: Yeah, have a happy WeenieGiving!

(Woman, checking out at a convenience store.)

Woman: I’m tired of worrying about swine flu! There was polio when I was a kid, and nobody made a fuss about it!

(Two guys, looking at produce.)

Guy 1: Oh, man. Have you ever just had  a pepper?

Guy 2: Yes.

Guy 1: Like, all cooked up? Cut out the seeds, fry it in a pan?

Guy 2: Yes, that’s how you cook it usually.

Guy 1: It’s so good. Just have a pepper, man.