You know what’s depressing? Coming home after a long day of classes and group meetings and work and discovering that your DVR is totally empty. What the hell, TV? What is up with every. single. one of my shows going on hiatus at the same time? What am I supposed to do all night without Glee and The Office and Parks and Rec?

Thank god for the Internet, am I right? Not only do I have the 47 sites on my Google reader (CollegeCandy, TFLN, PopEater, HuffingtonPost) to keep me busy and entertained for hours, but now there’s a whole new crop of web shows popping up that rival some of my favorite primetime series.

And the one I’m most excited for right now: Talent. It’s a 10-episode series (new eps are released every Tuesday and Thursday) about two girls trying to make it in the music biz in LA. (I know, I have “Party in the USA” in my head now, too.) It was created by the geniuses behind Pretty Little Liars, so you know it’s got to be good. Plus, I can watch it on my laptop in bed (or even in the library; episodes are 10 minutes long!) and there are no commercials getting between me and the drama.

It’s the perfect show for the college girl without anything to do (or a billion things to do but no desire to start any of them). I highly recommend it.

Watch the first episode below, then catch the rest on their YouTube channel!

She’s the ultimate alternative beach babe

He’s more talented than you

Clothes for a cause (and an excuse to spend more $$)

Bad sex advice at the car wash

Well that was painful for no reason

5 albums you need to listen to NOW

What’s more, the show has proven that working out can be fun, and that dancing is an excellent way to shed some unwanted pounds, build muscle, and start living an overall healthier lifestyle. I know I signed up for Zumba and impulsively bought the DWTS Cardio Dance workout DVD without batting an eye.

As DWTS has increased our awareness of fun ways to stay fit, it’s also a great vehicle to demonstrate that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes. In the past, we’ve seen DWTS combat some of the Hollywood stereotypes that distort women’s body images across the country. Remember when all 167 pounds of Laila Ali made it to the top three? How about when Sabrina Bryan, who is “chunky” by Hollywood standards, was sent home simply because everyone thought she was too talented to need their votes?

Most importantly, consider the fact that normally the beauty queens and supermodels are the first to get the boot: Paulina Porizkova, Shandi Finnessey, and Shoana Moakler are among the competitors who never saw round three, and thus, they all blend together into one generic DWTS loser, while fan favorites like Marisa Jaret Winokur show you that being skinny doesn’t mean you can move.

That being said, the enormously talented professionals with DWTS also have very different looks, which is great, because it shows that they are all very individual, not just some manufactured dancing Barbie doll. However, this season I’ve been disappointed to see the media scrutiny that Cheryl Burke has had to deal with. Just because Cheryl doesn’t have the rail-thin body of Edyta, it doesn’t mean she’s gotten “fat,” and either way, DWTS shouldn’t be the show to decide who’s fat or thin, because for several years, it’s been more about techniques and talents than the number of ribs that protrude when someone arabesques.

If I had Cheryl Burke’s body, I’d be thrilled. Not only would I look amazing, but I’d know I was in great physical condition. So why is it that two-time champ Cheryl is suddenly under scrutiny? Girlfriend can move– and isn’t this a dance competition? Karina Smirnoff and Edyta Sliwinska’s outfits are getting smaller and smaller, and our former champ, Cheryl, is being put under a microscope.

I’m not saying Edyta is at fault for being so skinny with such a huge rack, or that Karina’s to blame for making me second-guess the cheeseburger I had at lunch. I just thought that the lesson we learned from the first six seasons of DWTS was that “fit” comes in all shapes and sizes. Edyta, Karina, Cheryl, Julianne, Kym, and, this season, Lacey all put in grueling hours as they patiently teach their partners to dance like pros. Just because they have different body types doesn’t mean that one is “fat” or another is “better.”

So please, DWTS fans, media, paparazzi, and whomever else is trying to turn my favorite dance competition into an anorexia playground, just back off. I would love to have one of those girls’ bodies… but I would much rather have their talent.

For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.

Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing.

Ali, unnerved by all this attention, tells Alexis she’s starting to feel the heat. Dina gives her a necklace as a job well done gift (even though she hasn’t done anything yet.) Apparently, Ali is very comfortable with doing very little and expecting great outcomes, because in the studio the next day, she is a difficult and annoying child.

Ali interrupts herself with criticism every 5 seconds and you can see the frustration seeping out of the producers’ faces. Meanwhile, her wierd ass vocal coach tries to teach Ali how to sing un-flat notes. Her voice has the potential to be good, but she does this wierd man sounding thing that my friend Sarah does when she sings Carrie Underwood. Yea, it’s more Kermit than Mariah, but it’s nothing the Maloufs’ Auto-Tune can’t fix.

Ali then takes a break from recording, even though she’s accomplished like, 3 verses. When she gets back, the producer tells her she’s done for today. Her homework: work on her confidence and staying in the moment–she has all the natural gifts, but needs to stop being a whiny, impatient brat (in so many words).

To ease the viewers’ frustration, the wise wise powers that be at E! intersperse Ali’s episodes with the sheer brilliance that is Cody Lohan. Dina feels bad for her bored youngest, and takes Cody out on the town while Ali records, for some mommy and me bonding time. First stop, lunch with a famous magician who impresses Cody, Dina and I with double entendre laden magic tricks about multiplying rabbits. Next, to soothe his disappointment that there’s no soccer in Vegas (and here I thought there’s no crying in baseball), Codeman gets his sports fix at a sweet arcade, and gets to run around a wax museum with Dina. I don’t know about her use of Botox, but she seemed awfully at home amongst all those frozen faces–JK Dina you beautiful creature, I know your secret is probably something Long Island old school that Nana taught you.

Ali, back at the hotel room after a hard day’s “work” calls Dina to complain about not doing anything. Um ,you recorded your album…isn’t that why you’re here? She whines about being tired and not being able to go out and play with mom and Cody.

Dina comes to talk to Ali about her pissy attitude today. Ali complains more about not being able to go out and have fun when she was recording all day. Dina gently explains to Ali that she’s here to work and record–not run around Vegas with her family. She tells Ali that if she wants this, she needs to work, or they’ll just pack it up and head back East. Ali agrees to give it another shot.

Dina then talks to Ali’s babysitter producer about her naptime, snack time, when she needs to be changed, etc. Dina explains that, being that Ali is only 14, she is a whiny little git by default. I guess this makes sense, and yes, the producers must remember that “the talent” is a child. However Ali needs to remember that she is being given the chance of a lifetime, not thanks to her own merit, but as a bonus of her (legitimate, non secret bastard child) sister’s hard work, pre-trainwreck. Suck it up and realize how awesome your life is woman!

Then Dina takes Ali to the Pearl theater to have Ali lip sync her own song. This is supposed to instill Ali with some cojones, and apparently works. She hits the studio with renewed energy and confidence, and even worse annunciation skills. Nonetheless, the grown ups are all pleased.

Everyone gathers for the big reveal of a portion of her song “All the Way Around” Cody deems it excellent and everyone reassures Ali that she’s going to be the next big thing (again). I fight the urge to backhand my TV and wonder if Ali has learned any semblance of a lesson. Oh Well.

Next Week:

Cody meets the Girls Next Door. I think he and Kendra should play a round of soccer together. Although it may lead to him developing a crush on her and ruining my chances of marrying him.

Jeremy arrives in Vegas (ugh) to try to get Ali to sing a “guy song.” The clips show everyone being annoyed and frustrated by Jeremy’s general presence, and I wonder if it’s finally time for them to give him the boot. I also wonder if he has eyeballs, or if those stupid glasses are a coverup for empty sockets. Hmm.

American Idol

There, I said it.

How much longer can this go on? I won’t deny that we have found some incredibly talented singers from this show: Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Fantasia Burrino….Clay Aiken?

But, with that said, there are about 5 MILLION incredible artists playing in bars, clubs, coffee houses, etc. within a block of my apartment. Los Angeles, Manhattan, Austin, and po’ dunk towns with karaoke are cranking out talent as you read this.

It isn’t that the people on the show aren’t talented, it’s that the whole formula is absurd, obvious, limiting and now, boring.

There is ONE SLOT for each sterotype:

-One spot for the young, hardly talented, teenage boy who serves as bait for 10-14 year old viewers.

-One spot for the blonde. The blonde spot is to bait country music lovers, and the 20-28 year old men.

-Only about two spots for the seriously talented African American singers (who tend to be the best ones, but they can’t have ALL THE TOP TEN look like Rubin Studdard…though, they easily could and they’d all be amazing.)

-Two spots for the cheesy, cruise ship type singers, one guy and one girl. These are people pleasers, they’ll be on the attractive side and on the lacking side, as far as talent is concerned. These two people serve as bait for the elderly and the housewives.

-One spot for the rocker chick. This spot is an attempt to get the “alternative crowd” tuned in.

-One spot for the rocker man. This spot is bait for the male viewers between 24-35 (the demographic that buys Daughtry.)

-One spot for a babe. Whose voice will make you want to jump out the window. This is a safe bet, since most of us are shallow and pretty people are like candy to television. Sometimes they’ll make an exception and add two “babe spots”, for our demographic who likes to swoon over pretty boys who could sing us to sleep.

-One spot for a great singer chick who’s unattractive. This spot serves no one, since she’ll get cut in the beginning and will barely be remembered, though she’s probably better than most that make it towards the end.

-One young spot. Guy or girl. This spot serves as “the story,” since we get off on watching crying parents in the audience with pictures of their children plastered across their t-shirts.

Do you feel queasy now too??

If the show were truly based on talent, most of those spots wouldn’t exist. It would be less about the story and more about the artist. There would be more REAL musicians, more VOICES and less vanity, more HEART and less packaged performing- stage left, wink to the camera, stage right, smile at the judges. UGH. Gag me.

I’m tired of sitting through performance after performance of botched versions of Frank Sinatra classics and covering my ears every time a Mariah Carey wannabe takes on one of her untouchable tunes.

Please Lord, put me out of my misery.

Do you think Bob Dylan or Elton John would have ever made it on American Idol? Sadly, I think not….and there are so many artists out there who deserve that opportunity.Is anyone else on the same page? Or do you enjoy this candy-coated crap?

MySpace has brought many an artist to the musical forefront, and Colbie Calliat is no exception. However, unlike many artists today, Calliat (like ballet) writes her own music.

The 22 year-old hails from sunny California and grew up in a musical family. Her father co-produced a few Fleetwood Mac albums and by age 11 Colbie began singing. It wasn’t until she was 19 that she took guitar lessons and really started to take her music seriously.

After the song “Bubbly” garnered interest on her MySpace page, Colbie’s music career took off. She shopped around for a record label and found a home with Universal Republic.

Aside from dropping her first album CoCo this past July, Calliat has been named a finalist in the AOL Breakers contest, a VH1 artist You Oughtta Know and is scheduled to appear at GIRLFRENZY! alongside the likes of Sheryl and Fiona in 2008.

Colbie’s music is just the feel-good, heartwarming girl music you love to listen to. It’s this sunny day, daydreaming sort of pop album that sets Calliat apart. That and actual talent.

Listen to CoCo on her website and then pick it up at iTunes. It’s way more than worth the 8 bucks the album will cost you.