Recently, in a bright exchange of words I like to call a meaningful conversation, my good friend and I pondered about various famous men we lusted after in middle school.  Once Ricky Martin and his taut cheeks came up in the mix, we drooled and pondered about how he also liked men with taut butt cheeks.  Then we really got to thinking and grew depressed at the disappointment of the day Lance Bass took a giant leap out of the closet (even though it wasn’t the most surprising news we’d ever received).

The bright side? I hadn’t thought of Ricky Martin since shaking my bon-bon in my parents’ basement at the respectable age of 13. His coming out lifting him from obscurity and catapulted him back to the level of his days sipping out of the Cup of Life. I was hearing about him virtually everywhere. Ricky Martin hid from fame for so long and with his news, came out of a closet and basked in US Weekly glory, paycheck after paycheck.

Coming out in Hollywood is like working overtime.  It’s the key to success for has-been A-listers, a chance to return to relevance and once again soak up the limelight.  Look at Lindsay Lohan for instance; she didn’t need her leggings line anymore once she started toting DJ Samantha Ron-Hizzle around.  And who needs the title of American Idol when you’re sporting eye liner and getting frisky with other dudes on stage like one Mr. Adam Lambert? And you know Lance Bass’s “I’m Gay” cover story took him from former boy-bander who no one remembered to insta-celebrity over night.

It’s true: going gay is the life jacket to Hollywood careers. It does what no publicist, Oscar nomination or incarceration could ever manage. It’s more powerful than a nipple slip, more potent than an ill-fitting stage ensemble, and more memorable than general douche-baggery. It’s the key to going from child-star-turned-Vegan-farmer to Reality TV Show host with endorsement deals and magazine covers to boot.

And keeping that in mind, I’m surprised Heidi Montag hasn’t gotten a girlfriend yet there are a few suspect D-Listers out there who might want to consider throwing open the doors of the closet they’ve been hiding in. We haven’t seen or heard much from these peeps in awhile, but that’s nothing that an “I’m Gay” won’t fix. You can thank us later, Hollywood. Read More »

Nothing can turn a confident girl into a insecure mess faster than bathing suit season. Suddenly every mirror you look into turns into a fun house mirror of horrors. When did your stomach get so flabby and when did your skin turn translucent?

But don’t throw on your beach burqa quite yet. No matter how bad you think you look in that bikini (and it’s all in your head, obvi), these celebrities look a thousand times worse. Yes, even the sexiest of the sexy fall victim to the bikini.

[Click thumbnails to see the full hot mess image.]

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Don’t worry; Sammi and Ronnie are back on.

Check out Tara Reid’s rock!

Can crazy sex be bad for your health?

Hope For Haiti Now was a huge success!

The dos and don’ts of wearing florals in the winter.

Ooo! 20% off jeans at National Jean Co.!

We didn’t think it would happen either.

Um, what is going on here, Akon??

Who wants to see Tara Reid naked?

Woman arrested for Facebook poking.

Lady Gaga fights for gay rights.

No Glee at Thanksgiving this year.

There are a lot of celebrities out there that simply disappear, whether it be voluntarily or due to lack of talent/rehab/Bermuda triangle.  There are a couple that have massive amounts of issues, yet refuse to disappear.  In fact, they seem to pop up everywhere, strutting around uninvited on every red carpet.  People like Bai Ling and Paris Hilton are prime examples.

More recently, we have Mischa Barton.  I gotta admit, I really do enjoy watching a mediocre TV actress fall from grace (and she fell hard!).  Oh, speaking of mediocre actresses, I think I heard the other day that Tara Reid has teamed up with the douchebag powerhouse that is Christian Audigier to design some piece of crap that I’ll certainly see all around campus.  Yay.

In light of that wonderful piece of news, I think it’s time to pair up a couple of the most washed up faces in Hollywood:  Mischa Barton and Tara Reid. Read More »

In days of yore, clothing lines were created by people like Jeanne Lanvin, CoCo Chanel, Hubert de Givenchy; people with skill, talent, vision, taste. You know, fashion designers.

But nowadays, it seems like any celeb with some cash and spare time on their hands can slap a few pieces together and call it a collection. And while some lines knock it out of the park (why hello there, L.A.M.B.!), a vast majority fall more in the category of utter hot mess. Below is a sampling of the messiest of the hot messes.

5) The Kardashians: DASH – Oh, Kardashians. Kim becomes famous (?) by hanging out with Paris, nailing Ray J on tape, and having a mega huge ass, and the rest of the family rides on the coattails of her, um, success. Taking this into consideration, I suppose the Kardashian sisters’ line DASH makes sense; tacky, trashy, cookie-cutter and distinctly substandard, DASH looks very much like the $4.99 rack at Forever 21, only the items cost anywhere from 11 to 250 times as much. But I heard that every item is sprinkled with magical butt-expanding powder, so maybe that’s where the mark-up comes in.

4) Travis Barker: Famous Stars and Straps – I don’t like ghetto style. Baby Phat, Ed Hardy, gold tribal embellishments on jeans, air-brush aesthetics, ew. No thank you. But while a line may not suit my tastes personally, I’ll still give it props for being good for what it is (insert a nod to Apple Bottoms). Unfortunately, Travis Barker’s Famous Stars and Straps has the double issue of going for an aesthetic that is inherently fug and is badly done. From an uninspired/outdated logo that’s plastered on EVERYTHING to graphics that scream seventh grade, Famous is the clothing equivalent of the suburbs: generic, boring, and painfully white trying to front like it’s fly. Read More »

Welcome to Alaska, Tripp Johnston! (Not the girl we thought it would be.)

10 couples that will be dunzo in 2009.

Mmmm Prince Harry.

Fashion for your body shape.

Nice pants, Mama Cyrus.

The worst things about New Years.

Is Jessica Simpson trying to bake a bun in that oven?

Check out some hot new CoverGirl products.

Another memoir faked!

Tara Reid gets her rehab on the house.

Tara Reid heads to rehab.

Avoid the holiday weight gain this year.

2009 is all about the bun.

Kate and Leo reunited at last.

DIY gifts for guys. So cool.

Need a cocktail ring for New Year’s? These are fabulous.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta are comin’ back. Thank you, Santa!

Dartmouth professor discovers the dangers of Facebook.

Gossip is good for ya!

In case you care, Joe Biden got a new puppy.

Need a vacation read? Try one of these great pop culture books.

Don’t leave this bra at your boy’s house.

Nipple Covers: Every girl needs em.

Johnny Depp is kinda weird…

Brad Pitt. OMG. So. effing. hot.

The perfect going-out-look for a crisp night.

Did Family Guy go too far?

So, The Hills is fake. I mean, we knew it, but we didn’t want to know it

Seriously – does Tara Reid work?

Ellen and Portia might be the cutest couple ever.

Oooo. A JoBro was spotted doin’ a little smoochy, smoochy.

Is Will Arnett getting another show!?

How many calories are you burning during sex? Find out! 

I hope you are staying in tonight, because the opening ceremonies are gonna be off the chain!

Tara Reid will not be Dancing with the Stars. Drinking with the stars, however? She’s got that one in the bag.

These women can totally kick your ass.

Woman arrested for posting “sexual” stories online. We are so. screwed.

This might be the weirdest phobia ever. And the best video.

These kids somehow make me feel inadequate.

Forget Labor Day; September 2nd should be a national holiday!

Bad News: Ben and Jerry will not be making a Crack Cocaine/Horse Tranquilizer ice cream anytime soon.

Speaking of drugs…let’s hope Amy Winehouse is washing her hands…

Weird foods from the Olympic games.

Practice (extra) safe sex. You know, just to be abso-freaking-lutely sure.

This story is old, but the photo is priceless.

Man posts ad on Craigslist looking for a MILF…and gets one. Kinda.