I love the way I look. I’m confident and generally pleased with my body in a bikini. Well, at least I am now… after my breast enhancement. That’s right, I have implants and I’m not ashamed of it.

I’ll give you a moment to get all your thoughts and comments out of the way:

“I can’t believe you succumbed to breast implants just to fill some ignorant societal notion that ‘bigger is better.’”
“Getting implants is so slutty.”
“You’re an embarrassment to women and should be ashamed for fueling the fire for women to attain an impossible body image.”

Trust me. I’ve heard it all. But maybe it’s time for you to hear my side of the story. I’m not giving you the stink eye for going all natural (or spending all your money on Victoria’s Secret’s latest push-up), so hear me out. Read More »

Dear American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress –

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time. Read More »

Last time: boobs, Trantastique and germy make outs.

Onward…

The morning of episode 2 begins with Peyton the whiskey voiced informing whiskey hangover Courtney that she’s out. A girl named Sara makes known that her family has no idea where she is and that she’s on the show because of a dare. Since Aubry fang face is already labeled as the big mouth, she runs to tell Bret, who keeps that information in his jeans pocket.

Trantastique reads the challenge and despite the subtitles, I have no idea what she said.

Niki with the two-tone hair translates it and thinks that they’re going to be in a talent show. Turns out, the girls have to perform in a peep show booth for 30 seconds. If he likes when he sees, Bret will pop in a token for 15 extra seconds.

Wow. Nice to bring that 8th Avenue/New York City 25 cent peep show class to L.A. Read More »