Whoa! Definitely had a WTF moment when I saw this one. Thank you, Maria Cristerna, for making my tattoo story a total joke. My initial reaction to her er…transformation was, “that woman must have serious issues.” What on earth could motivate someone to alter their appearance to that degree? I know beauty is  subjective, but she looks like she walked out of Land Before Time III. An interview Cristerna did with Fox shed an interesting light on the situation…and made me feel like a total asshole.

Maria explains that while she has always had a love for tattoos and body alterations, her transformation really began after divorcing her abusive husband. She didn’t know then that she would become The Mexican Vampire Lady (nor was it a nickname she preferred), but the attention it brought gave her a platform to tell her story. She also said, “Life is short and sometimes we waste it on many things, so I’ve chosen beauty. And for me it’s beautiful to be this way, so that’s why I do it.” Rock on, Maria — for standing up for yourself and getting out of a toxic relationship and for owning your own definition of beauty in a way that inspires others. I probably would of written some version of Are You There Vodka: It’s Me Jenny, but we all have our methods.

What do you think of Maria Cristerna’s beauty?

‘Why?’ tends to be the popular question. Followed quickly by, ‘Were you drunk? and ‘Do you regret it?’ No. Well, I was drunk, but I definitely don’t regret it. It’s awesome. To be perfectly honest, I often forget that it’s there unless someone else points it out to me. You can imagine what kind of circumstance causes reason for such acknowledgment.

The story starts many years ago at the ripe and rather naive age of 16. I was lounging on a futon with my boyfriend at the time. Oh man, was I head over heels for this boy. Tall, athletic, surfer boy sexy. This was back when dating was purely based on passion. Compatibility? Can you use it in a sentence? Never-the-less, I was young and in love without a clue (or care to discover) who I really was. If Michael liked chocolate ice cream, I liked chocolate ice cream. Anything to reinforce the fact that we were soul-mates. Very ‘Runaway Bride-y,’ but I digress. We were lounging about discussing the tattoo one of his guy friends got on his chest. It was a downright heinous outline of the state of Texas with a vine encased skull in the middle. Idiot. Obviously I agreed with Michael that this was a huge mistake and that tattoos were gross and always regrettable (and maybe I really did agree…until I discovered David Beckhem).

We promised each other then and there that if we ever got drunk or stupid enough to get a tattoo, that we would at least get one where no one could see it. Middle of the right butt cheek seemed like the most logical solution. Somehow we had the foresight to also decide that we didn’t want to get something that had some sort of “deep” meaning. Clearly, what seemed super enlightening to us at 16 wouldn’t hold at 35.  We wanted to get something absurd and ridiculous that didn’t have to mean anything special. The poster on the wall to our left was of a Hawaiin sunset. A palm tree. Done. Sealed with one of those dumb ‘kiss your thumb and rub them together’ things. Did I mention how mature we were?

Fast forward three years to spring break freshman year–South Padre Edition. Michael and I have been broken up for about a year, and I was using single girl-ness to the utmost degree with ten of my beautiful Texas friends. The beach was a huge party littered with half-buried kegs and  inebriated crazies. All it took to drink all day for free was a bat of the eyelashes and a flirty, “Oh, I’ve never done a keg stand before.” Such a beautiful disaster. We were lucky to have perfect weather for three whole days (much to my liver’s dismay), so we were super disappointed when it rained on day four. The only reasonable option was to drink heavily in our hotel rooms. It was somewhere after the fourth round of tequila shots that someone decided they really needed their belly button pierced. This sent a quick ripple effect until we were all running through the rain down to the island’s little tattoo and piercing parlor.

Once inside, we were all dead set on getting something. They really shouldn’t allow drunk girls people into these places. I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do when it hit me. This was the perfect time to get the tattoo. You can imagine the fight my friends put up. “You want to do WHAT?” “No, that’s retarded. You’re just drunk.” “Yeah, you’re definitely going to regret this.” I know who didn’t regret it–the guy who administered the tattoo (he may have been creepy, my memory is hazy).

And that, friends, is how you get a palm tree on your ass during spring break. It has been named ‘Wisdom Tree’ and I don’t regret it for a second.  If nothing else, it’s a great conversation starter.

President Obama is a better singer than Mitt Romney.

Why you should get dressed everyday.

Celebrity kids are always the cutest.

These three actors are so pretty together.

So what is happening over at “the X Factor”?

Box clutches: Cute… or not?

Amber Rose got a face tattoo.

Neil Patrick Harris is un-Punk-able.

Let’s all get ready for the Superbowl food.

Since we love the Muppets so much around here and the movie is coming out in three days (ahhh!), I thought it’d be nice to have some Muppet themed posts. Plus it’s Sunday, and I like to aid in your procrastination as much as possible. Looking through Muppet tattoo pictures is a much better use of my time than writing a nine-page paper on Lord Byron. My teacher shouldn’t be surprised if I have Muppet references in said paper (Steve, if you’re reading I better get an A). Anyway, having several tattoos myself, I am always interested in why other people get theirs.

Interestingly enough, most of the ones I saw were of Animal. Enjoy these fabulous Muppet tattoos…

I really like tattoos when they’re tastefully done and they mean something to someone. The whole I-got-it-when-I-was-wasted-not-really-sure-why-or-what-it-means reason isn’t really a huge selling point for me. Or when I have to take out my glasses and readjust the lenses in order to be able to read the paragraph scribbled on your back.

I have two tattoos that I love. So, it’s not that I’m against girls and boys with quotes inked on their skin, it just that the ones I’m going to show you are literally going to make you say WTF… aloud.

If your tattoo is going to take up the entire length of your abdomen, maybe you should just stick to keeping it in whatever Judy Blume book you first read it in. Or if you’re getting your zodiac sign tattooed on your wrist so you can remember it more readily, perhaps there’s a bigger issue going on here that you need to address.

Either way, take a look and see for yourself…

1. Losing my v-card was awesome. Oh really? So was the first time I broke my arm.

2. If I eat these cookies now, I’ll just skip lunch. But I’m hungry for lunch…so I’ll just skip dinner. Okay, I’ll only have one slice of pizza instead of two for dinner. Or…skip dessert?

3. Running is fun. Running is fun. Running is so, so terrible. Running is fun.

4. I totally study better after a few drinks. I mean, I’m way more enthusiastic about the subject after I hit up a few bars. Wait, when is the test again? What subject?

5. Firefly tastes like sweet tea. Just with a liiiittle kick. Only a little, though. I can definitely drink this straight…

6. Tattoos don’t hurt. Can’t speak from personal experience on this one, but I’ll go ahead and guess that any time a needle is repeatedly stuck into my skin for an extended period, it would not be very enjoyable. Or pain-free.

7. I’ll do it tomorrow. Directed toward anything. I know you’ve said it, don’t lie to yourself!

8. I need new clothes. Like, n-e-e-d NEED them. My closet is overflowing, but all of that stuff is ugly.

9. That’s the LAST time I black out on a Tuesday. Just not true, college kids.

10. Five second rule. No matter what, that food was still on the floor.

What are some lies you tell yourself to make it through the day?

For some, four years (who are we kidding, five), of football games, tailgating and shot gunning beers just isn’t enough to commemorate those epic sports games. The next logical step? A tattoo for your Alma Mater of course. Peruse our gallery of dedicated college fans, some tats are discreet and others are out there for the entire world to see. Would you tattoo your pride on your body??

initiating the gallery...

Click on the photo to see the next slide

Everything you need to know before getting a tattoo

What would it look like if some celebrities apologized for their misdemeanors

Who do you prefer: Megan Fox or Rosie Huntington-Whiteley?

Even Selena Gomez gets star struck when meeting Shia LaBeouf

The dress/skirt/shirt combo from American Apparel we’re lusting after

Would you wear flat espadrilles?

Awwwwwww: the cat DJ

Lady Gaga finally responds to charity lawsuit

Rihanna’s crazy performance at the Staples Center

The unending debate: over or under for toilet paper??

Is J. Lo getting replaced on ‘American Idol’?

Things men looovvee about women

Remember this star??

Guess love has changed a lot

Most regrettable tattoo ever

5 ways to survive horror movies and high school

One of these Elle covers is not like the other

Let’s face it: we all make stupid decisions. Like choosing a fifth over a review session, or bringing that guy home…who stole our iPod in the morning. That’s part of college life… and a big part of what makes it so memorable. But there are some choices that have longer lasting repercussions; things we do now that will haunt us later.

So here are the 11 things from your 20’s you will most definitely regret when you’re 40.

11. Risque Internet Photos: What’s the point of having technology if you can’t use it to send a naughty pre-shower photo to your BF? Nothing will turn him on quite like a naked photo popping up in his inbox while he’s brushing up on his Stats knowledge. You trust him, so what’s the worst that could happen? How about a break up? Or the “forward” button? No matter what you think, those photos are going to come back and bite you in the (naked-with-a-spot-of-cellulite) ass. Just show him the real thing and let him turn to his imagination (or internet porn) for a mid-class pick me up.

10. Trendy Tats: You totally love butterflies/stars/unicorns now, but I can bet money that you won’t want them plastered on the top of your foot or your lower back forever. No one wants to see a mom with a rose tattoo on her left shoulder, so think before you ink.

9. Choosing guys over your girls: You get caught up in your relationship sometimes and blow off the girls. Fine, we get it. But when sometimes turns into “What the hell ever happened to Mary?” there is a problem. Especially when Mr. Douche Bag finally breaks up with you and you come crawling back to the girls with a tub of Edy’s and a box of tissues and they aren’t there to wipe the snot from your cheek. Do you really want to spend the rest of your days holed up in a dirty apartment watching your man play Rock Band and chug Natty Light? Learn the balance, honey.

8. Getting married too young: I’ve seen it too many times – people graduate, freak out and hold onto whatever they can of their youth. And they get married.  And become super lame married people. It may be pure bliss now (and lots and lots of kitchen-ware), but just think about all the awesome stuff you will miss by being tied down in your twenties, all that freedom: to travel when you want, to take a job wherever you want, to sleep with whomever you want, to party as late as you want, to discover yourself, to sleep with whomever you want…. Plus, do you really want pictures of your friends doing keg stands in your wedding album? I thought not.

7. Smoking: Mmmm tobacco. It feels so good when it hits (and consequently blackens) your lungs. Especially after you’ve had a few Rum and Diets. And you look so cool doing it. But you know what doesn’t feel good? Chemo. And you know what doesn’t look cool? Your wrinkley face or your kids stealing the pack from your tobacco stained purse and trying it for the first time. When they are 6. This sh*t will kill you, so stop it. Right now! Seriously, put down that Marlboro Light, sister.

6. Not traveling enough: Trust me on this one – you will never have the time, money or freedom to travel like you do now.  Pretty soon you’ll be working late nights and counting down the minutes until the that will be chock full of grocery runs and Bed, Bath and Beyond trips. Try finding time in that busy schedule to jet-set to Europe and “find yourself.” Pack your bags and see the world now, before you’re too old to experiment with drugs in Amsterdam and enjoy a ping pong show in Bangkok.  Pick up a travel book and start planning!

5. Bad Credit: You can’t live without that Coach bag right now. You just have to have that DVF dress for the date party. Everyone else has an iPhone and you want one too. You’ll just charge it and worry about it later, right? Wrong, bitches. Ruining your credit now on stupid stuff (yes, I am telling you that bag is a stupid investment) will totally eff things up for you in the future. Things like getting a house, a car, a boyfriend (bad credit is a total turn-off) and sometimes even a job. Spend wisely, ladies. That bag is going to be out of style in .25 seconds anyway.

4. Not finishing school: Do we really even need to mention this one? Could you think of anything you’d regret more when you are 40 and working the checkout lane at your neighborhood Wal-mart? That is, assuming, you can even get that job in this economy.

3. Pre-vacation tanning: You tell yourself that you just want to get a base tan before Spring Break in Cabo. Sure, you will look fiiiine in that white shift dress for the 6 days after you return, but that wrinkley, skin cancer-ed mess is not going to look so hot when you’re 40 and you look like a Sharpei.

2. Stilettos: Part of becoming a woman is rockin’ the hottest pair of the highest heels. They make your legs look sick (that’s a good thing), make the men beg, and your jeans are too long to wear with anything lower. Why wouldn’t you wear them? I’ve got one hyphenated word for you: hammer-toes. You want to spend the later part of your life looking at that in a sandal?  Make your Feet Happy with these ultra comfy and cute socks..

(Editor’s note: I was going to put a picture of a gross foot here, but you Google “gross feet in sandals” and tell me how it makes you feel.)

1. “It feels better without condoms” sex: You’ll probably regret this one right off the bat as you spend your senior year chasing a kid around the dorms, but you’ll seriously regret it later when you look back at your life and realize how much you missed out on because you were busy changing diapers and bouncing a kid on your knee. Oh, and no one likes a woman with a bumpy vagina. I’m just sayin’; those genital warts will never go away.